My Two Cents

The Primaries as Theater of the Absurd

2012-01-29T16:09:00.002-05:00

(This will be my final political post before the actual voting takes place in Florida.)

For those who are not versed in the theater, Theater of the Absurd is a drama genre where plays express the belief that human existence has no meaning or purpose and therefore all communication breaks down. Logical construction and argument gives way to irrational and illogical speech and to its ultimate conclusion, silence.

I refer the reader to the plays of Ionescu or Pinter for examples.

The reason I bring the matter up - a genre where there is no plot, the characters feel lost because the world around them is incomprehensible, and dialogue lapses into strings of non sequiturs and uncomfortable silences - because of an article I linked to.

The article is from the German website Der Spiegel, and it is a searing indictment of how much the GOP primaries are degenerating into absurdist theater.

I highly recommend linking to the article and reading it in its entirety, but here are a couple paragraphs to give you the flavor of it:

"In fact, there was a lot at stake, much more than the 55 delegates that the sunny American state has to offer at the party convention in August. The debate was really about whether Mitt Romney can secure the nomination now, or if he'll have to endure a long, expensive and punishing primary odyssey."

"But was there enough material to make it worth watching, even though it was number 18 of the campaign season? No, the anticipation proved too much, though there were some meaty skirmishes and well-planned attacks between the top two candidates and the other two on the stage, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul. But there were also more lies, half-truths, and window dressings."

It's getting nastier, as Romney starts to pull slightly ahead in most of the polling and Gingrich picks up more worthless endorsements from the Bull Goose Loony Wing of the Party.

It's going to be interesting on Tuesday.

Castro Was Right

2012-01-29T01:40:00.002-05:00

The Republican candidate field is down in sunny Florida, so you know red meat is going to be tossed out to the voters.

We know most of the flavors of red meat: anti-abortion sirloin, anti-tax filets, a lovely great slab of corporatist meat loaf.

For Florida, though, we have to have another strip of red meat tossed out to the usually quite conservative Cuban-Americans - the anti-Castro T-bone.

It's been a Republican mainstay in Florida to bash the hell out of Castro and predict the imminent collapse of the Communist government there. Oddly enough, we've heard that rhetoric ever since the Cuban Revolution back in 1959.

Which leads me to Fidel Castro.

Fidel has outlasted US Presidents from Eisenhower to GW Bush, and I think that his position as America's favorite bugaboo has given him a unique perspective on Presidential politics.

So in response to the usual rhetorical bashing, Fidel penned an editorial that the Cuban press duly transmitted. He stated in his editorial that "The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is – and I mean this seriously – the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been."

I'll stress one line: " . . . the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been."

Like I said, he has an interesting perspective on matters, doesn't he?

Now, two days ago, GOP candidate Newt Gingrich opened his gaping maw to more than justify Fidel's statement.

In a statement to a group of Hispanic leaders here in Florida, Newt said, "So one of my goals would be to flood the island with enough cellphones that are video cameras that any act of oppression is filmed by 30 people, and they start posting them: this person will be on the list after the revolution. You watch the morale of the police force drop dramatically as they are no longer all powerful."

Got that? Flooding Cuba with cell phone cameras will topple the Cuban government.

If it confuses you, it also confused the hell out of the audience.

In the same article, we also have Mitt Romney talking to the same group. He sounded like he was wishing the Eighties were still here, as he gawped that Castro's Cuba and Chavez's Venezuela pose existential threats to the United States and cited possible influence by them upon Ecuador and Guatemala.

Things aren't going well for the GOP Clown Car, but you gave to agree:

Castro was right.

On the Eve of the Florida Primary

2012-01-27T15:04:00.004-05:00

Astronaut, Astro-Newt, or Astro-Nut? . . . Romney Pulls the Razor from His Sock . . . Wisdom from A Dead Roman . . . Who is Gingrich's Bagman?

Hoo boy, dear readers, it's been a fun-filled week.

We'll start with Wednesday, as bloated ethically-challenged philanderer Newton Gingrich sallied forth to speak to a friendly crowd of likely voters in Cocoa Beach, Florida. Cocoa and the rest of Brevard County has been a tad low of late ever since the Space Shuttle program ended.

But there's no need to fear! Newt Gingrich is here!

(Special No-Prize for picking out the arcane cultural reference.)

Newt roused the crowd by declaring that, by the end of his second term as President, there would be a base on the surface of the Moon, and to make it all the sweeter, it would be an American moon base.

Uh. Huh.

After screaming for the past few years that there's no money to repair decaying highways, bridge, dams, or other infrastructure (because that would increase the deficit, and as we all know, Deficits Are EVIL - unless there's a Republican in the White House), we're going to plunk down X amount of dollars - to build a base on the Moon.

Now, Man or Astroman didn't say that the Evil Gummint would fund the whole project, oh no. He'd merely gouge the NASA budget for another $2 billion in order to set up incentive prizes to lure private industry.

Jon Stewart had a bit of fun with the idea.

NASA's budget has been a favorite whipping boy. When money is need for some program or other, the Congress is all too ready to take an axe to the space program.

Newt making this statement is rather par for the course. He'll spin out a truly vast and sweeping promise in the hopes that people will be inspired. But he also framed it as a goal for the end of his second term.

I think he'd better concentrate on achieving his first term, first.

***

Speaking of which, Newt went into his second Florida debate still riding a bit of the wave of his South Carolina victory. Polling at the time showed him running more or less even with Mitt, so Romney had to retrieve the edge.

Now, way back in the mists of last October, I wondered when Romney was going to cut a bitch. Thursday night's debate was The Moment, because Romney went on an all-out attack against Gingrich.

Romney had hired Crazy-Eye Michele Bachmann's debate coach, and it showed as the well-coiffed 2x4 laced into Gingrich. Newt, for his part, looked a bit flabby and debate honors clearly went Mitt's way.

Except . . .

For some reason, Frothy Santorum started in on Romney and his health care plan for Massachusetts, comparing it to the Affordable Care Act and making Romney visibly irritated. Oh no! His carefully-crafted facade might have cracked, but the photo montage pretty much says it all.

Romney won the debate, according to the surveys done after the low-rent downer.

But Gingrich continues to rise in national polling, and the Romney camp is clearly hoping that a big win in the Sunshine State will turn that around.

We shall see Wednesday morning.

***

"Our forefathers complained, we complain, and our descendants will complain, that morals are corrupt, that wickedness holds sway, that men are sinking deeper and deeper into sinfulness, that the condition of mankind is going from bad to worse."

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca, 4 BC - 65 AD

***

Money in politics is as old as the Roman Republic, as making campaign promises is as old as Athenian democracy.

The election of 1800 between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson saw the introduction of attack ads into American political discourse.

But we're talking money here, thanks to the US Supreme Court's misguided and frankly stupid Citizens United decision. Money talks in America, and the more money you have, the louder you can speak.

This is a truism that Newt Gingrich knows in his bones, having been in the US House of Representatives before being run out of the place like a rabid ferret and then making a hint of mint in speaking fees, lobbying fees and book sales.

But he needed money in order to finance his campaign against Mitt Romney. Willard has a net worth estimated in the $250 million range, and can easily finance his run out of his own pocket. Gingrich needed a supporter who was willing to put his money where his mouth was.

Enter Sheldon Adelson. Casino magnate with a net worth at about $21.5 billion. Um, that's Billion, with a B.

Adelson and Gingrich share something in common - a deep and abiding support for Israel despite anything the Jewish State might do, while at the same time saying rather generalized but nonetheless hurtful things like the Palestinians are an invented people (and never mind the fact that Jews aren't exactly ethnically pure either - several thousand years will do that).

Adelson, when appealed to, said, "Sure!" Whereupon he scribbled out a check for $5 million that helped Gingrich run ads in South Carolina.

His wife helpfully supplied her butter and egg money - another $5 million, making them the two largest single donors to the Gingrich campaign (or, rather, to his PAC, and we all know that the campaign and the PAC have nothing to do with each other, huh yeah that's right that's the ticket nudge nudge wink wink say no more).

Taking for granted the pernicious consequences of the Supreme Court's decision, we can expect those with the most money - the Adelsons, the Trumps, the Gateses, etc. - to wield greater power and greater access and a greater voice in the electoral process.

What's a simple voter to do?

South Carolina

2012-01-22T08:42:00.005-05:00

Pray for Her Redemption ... Denatured Pig's 'Southern Strategy' Wins Where Civil War Started; Romney Faces Heavy Lifting in Florida; Dotty Grandpa Decides to Go Where He Might Have a Chance; Frothy Mixture Keeps Oozing - Pass the Moist Towelettes, Please

(First, allow me to make an historical digression.

Way back in the day, the Democrats held the Solid South, mainly as a reaction to the fact that the Republicans were in power when the Union trashed the unholy living fuck out of the Confederacy, and served them damned right, too. That all changed when the civil rights movement started up in the Fifties, and Southern Democratic anger hit a rolling boil when the 1965 Civil Rights Act was signed into law by a Democrat.

After watching third-party assholes like George Wallace feed off that anger, Richard Nixon had the idea of the 'Southern Strategy,' deliberately wooing those alienated Southern Democrats. He didn't do a very good job of it, but he laid the groundwork so he gets credit.

Enter Ronald Reagan, with his carefully-scripted talk about states' rights and welfare moms. Most of the so-called Reagan Democrats were those who never forgave Democrats like Truman, Kennedy and Johnson for letting the non-white folk think they were just as good as white. The Reagan Democrats became Republicans in the ensuing years.

Then they became, by and large, Tea Partiers. Go figure.

And thus endeth the lesson.)

However, through all the vicissitudes of recent history, two things have been abundantly clear.

These people are angry. Angry at what they perceive (such perception carefully nurtured by Fox News, the right-wing chattering classes, and conservative politicians) as a central government that doesn't care, angry at minorities sponging off them, and angry that they're paying too much in taxes.

Of course, their anger is misplaced. The Republican Caucus in Washington has done everything it can to obstruct and destroy any hope of improving America's economy, a stultifying 70% of all food stamp recipients are white, and taxes are at their lowest point since the Fifties.

So now we come to South Carolina, the Palmetto State.

The state where the Civil War began.

Willard 'Mitt!' Romney campaigned long and hard in South Carolina, netting the influential endorsement of that state's Governor. Historically, that endorsement indicated who would win the state's primary and convention delegates.

Unfortunately, Romney's not well-liked. He comes across as too stiff, polished and facile, and his assertions that he knows about the working class and poor despite his obvious wealth strikes a very tone-deaf note. Still, he enjoyed a comfortable lead over the rest of the field, including his closest rival, Newt Gingrich.

However, in two stunning debates, Gingrich stole a march on Romney. First, he blew the racist dog-whistle for all it was worth at Juan Williams, who is African-American. The debate audience lapped it up like kittens at a bowl of cream, with one later congratulating Newt for 'putting him in his place.'

The second debate started off with a bang, with Newt ripping thin strips off of CNN's John King for opening the debate with a question about his adultery. Now, you wouldn't think adultery would go down well with the highly moral Christian evangelicals in South Carolina, but while they may hate moral queasiness they hate the idea of the "liberal media elite" even more. Gingrich won that debate in the first two minutes.

Yesterday, South Carolina Republicans voted.

By the end of the night, Newt Gingrich was all like

While Mitt Romney was all like

The secessionists voted for Newt, who beat Romney 41% to 28%, with the rest of the vote going to the second-stringers.

Romney now faces an uphill climb in Florida and the rest of the primary states, with one GOP nabob opining last night that the contest may drag on into May.

Florida Governor Rick Scott, whose popularity is still down there with scabies mites, is now pondering who to endorse. I'm sure that whoever he'll endorse will be tempted to say, "Thanks but no thanks."

It's fast becoming a two-cornered race, but what of the other two corners?

Ron Paul's bypassing Florida, instead deciding to run in the four upcoming caucus states of Colorado, Minnesota, Maine and Nevada. He's going to hit the wall in Nevada, I think, because of all the Mormon money that'll slip across the border from neighboring Utah.

And Rich Santorum? What about him?

If Today's Movies Had Been Made in the Fifties ...

2012-01-21T17:19:00.001-05:00

The posters for those movies would look something like this.

Bringing Things to A Boil

2012-01-20T05:56:00.002-05:00

The Idiot Goes Back to His Village; The Pig Finally Finds An Acorn; Hard Times for Journalism

Weep for the 2012 Republican Presidential Campaign.

Rick Perry has withdrawn from the race. A bit of a shame, really, as he was great comic relief. He didn't have a clue and didn't have a whelk's chance in a supernova of actually winning anything. His surge in the polls leading up to Iowa is easily explained when you realize that Perry was exactly what I said he was - a village idiot.

And he endorsed Newt Gingrich. not precisely what Newt may have wanted to hear, because now he's got this idiot hanging around his neck like an albatross.

Let him go back to Texas. Texas deserves him.

***

Last night the remaining Dwarfs showed up in South Carolina for yet another in an interminably long line of debates. Thank Hastur the swimsuit competition is over.

CNN and John King moderated it, and right out the gate King asked Gingrich about his second wife's interview with ABC, in which the lady alleged The Newt wanted an open marriage so he could adulterate at will.

Bad move, Johnny-Mop.

The look that came over Gingrich's face was part fury and part pure, unadulterated joy.

To quote what Huxley purportedly said at the Oxford Debate, "The Lord hath delivered him into mine hands!" He immediately jumped down King's throat and brought the audience to its feet, cheering as the pig excoriated the "liberal media."

To remind the folks playing along at home, the "liberal media" is only as liberal as the conservative corporations that own them allow them to be. Recall Keith Olbermann and his conflict with MSNBC (owned by General Electric).

But the crowd loved it, and after that the debate was Newt's to lose. According to Mark Halperin (looking a bit wiggy), Newt won the debate. The latest PPP poll indicates that Gingrich may actually win in South Carolina.

Mitt Romney was found to have certain weaknesses now, and one hopes that Obama's opposition research guys are taking notes. The Well-Coiffed Two-by-Four looked off-balance.

Which means the deal will go down in Florida, whose GOP delegate count is greater than Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina combined. Florida is the neutron bomb of primaries, causing candidates to vaporize or bleed in odd places.

It's a truism that every pig finds an acorn at least once. And Newton Gingrich may have found one. We need to wait and see how the voting goes in South Carolina.

***

John King.

A sad and sorry illustration of just how low CNN has fallen since it first scored big.

It was jokingly and woundingly named the 'Chicken Noodle Network' when it started out. I've called it the Cocksucker News Network at times, because they have started shamelessly pandering and generally lowering their standards in an effort to seize Fox's ratings. To that end, they've introduced all sorts of lights, bells and whistles to attract the Lowest Common Denominator (which is Fox's key demographic).

John, you need to hide your head in shame. Debates cover issues; you should have simply dove at Newt and demanded specifics. Asking him an out of the gate question about his serial monogamy enabled Gingrich to control the debate from then on.

You made it easy for The Degenerate Pig, John King.

Thanks a heap.

The Boring Guy Bows Out; Treachery Among the Hypocrites

2012-01-16T14:53:00.002-05:00

There is no joy in Mudville today, as the mighty juggernaut that was the Jon Huntsman Presidential campaign finally ground to a halt. The various webmeisters started yanking every anti-Romney video and screed available as the former Governor of Utah bent over, revealing his Goatse of Concession ...

... and endorsed Mitt Romney for President.

In a way, Huntsman's departure is a sad one. Unlike the rest of the Losers and Bums on the hustings, Huntsman was pro-science and actually sounded reasonably sane most of the time. Unfortunately, these are qualities sorely lacking in the rest of the GOP candidate field.

Now, Huntsman had previously said many unkind things about The Mitt:

"... perfectly lubricated weather vane on the important issues of the day ..."

" been missing in action in terms of showing any kind of leadership ...”

"There’s a question whether he’s running for the White House or the Waffle House.”

One wonders what he expects to get from Romney if he wins.

We have to be fair here. Huntsman really never had a chance, as Mister Inevitable wielded far too much money - and therefore far too much power in terms of vote acquisition. Huntsman lagged behind everyone, managing a feeble third behind Ron Paul in New Hampshire.

Even in South Carolina, he could only manage five percent - which put him behind Stephen Colbert. Double irony points for that.

*****

Speaking of South Carolina, the Battle of the Not-Romneys rages on unabated in the days leading to the January 21st primary. Ron Paul seems to have the lunatic vote sewn up, leaving the withered rump of the Tea Party and the Whacko Jesus Faction to be fought over by Newton Gingrich and Rick Santorum.

One hundred fifty whackos met on a ranch in Texas over the weekend to quibble about who was the righteousier-than-Romney. They selected Rick Frothy Mix as Their Guy.

Then things took a turn for the silly.

The Protestants are complaining that they were fooled into going home after the second ballot so that the Catholics could stuff the ballot box in favor of Santorum, who is Catholic. The Protestants' guy is Gingrich, who's Catholic as well but not so you'd notice, considering his Mormon attitude toward wedlock.

Not that any of this foofaraw matters a whit. Mittens polls higher than Lunatic, Degenerate and Closet-Case combined in South Carolina, and looks to be given the coveted Fidel Castro Suffering All The Way To Havana Award when Florida votes on January 31st.

Despite the GOP's slutty flirtations with all of the Not-Romneys, Mitt looks as if the race is his to lose.

And the only way that can happen is if, in true Old Politics fashion, he's caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl.

A Degenerate, A Hypocrite, An Idiot and A Boring Guy Walk Into A Courtroom ...

2012-01-14T03:54:00.001-05:00

And walk out with sores on their rectums.

Republicans, you see, despise, loathe and hate judicial activists - judges who use their position to legislate from the bench. You heard it a lot on Fox News over the years. Whenever a judge struck down a law as unconstitutional, you could count on the conservatives and Republicans and their Brain Trust* to rear up on their hind legs and howl "Judicial Activist!"

Yes, Republicans really hate judicial activists.

Unless they want a ruling in their favor.

The Virginia GOP primary is March 6, and according to that state's election laws a candidate has to file petitions by a certain date in order to get on the ballot.

The deadline came and went, and four GOP candidates immediately cried "Foul!"

They had, you see, failed to get their petitions filed. No matter, you might say; they can simply run write-in campaigns. But not so fast; Virginia election law forbids write-ins for the primaries.

So, led by Rick Perry (the Idiot), Newton Gingrich (Degenerate), Rick Santorum (Hypocrite), and John Huntsman (the Boring Guy) all trooped into the federal court system.

In search of an activist judge.

Well, guess what?

They didn't find one.

The March 6th primary will have only two names on it - Mitt Romney and Ron Paul.

This ruling must make Gingrich's flabby little black heart swell with renewed hatred, as he lives in Virginia. He moved there from Georgia when he became a full-time lobbyist - er, historian.

I expect the Feeble Foursome will continue to try and get the ballot amended, so I need to lay in more popcorn.

You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Meanwhile, In Afghanistan

2012-01-12T12:00:00.002-05:00

What?

I do hope you didn't forget we're still at war over there.

Well, the Taliban were allowed to establish an office in Qatar back in December so that the first steps could be taken toward formal peace talks between the Taliban, the Afghan government of Hamid Karzai, and the United States. Terms were being set up.

Unfortunately, you have to admit that this is not going to make the negotiations go smoothly:

It doesn't matter that the Taliban in the video are dead.

It doesn't matter that, as the Pentagon says, the Marines in question are no longer in Afghanistan.

It doesn't even matter that no one would have heard about this if it weren't on video.

What matters is that it was done at all.

What sort of twisted, atavistic, sadistic impulse was motivating these men? It is the sort of behavior one expects of barbarians, not the warriors we see voluntarily step forward from our population.

We have been in Afghanistan over ten years now. If this is what the war is turning our sons, daughter, brothers, sisters, mother and fathers into, we need to get them all out of there now.

And rehabituate them to civilized behavior, before it's too late.

New Hampshire

2012-01-11T07:42:00.003-05:00

Well-Dressed 2x4 Wins with Less than Forty Percent; Dotty Grandpa comes in Second, Boring Guy Gets Third; Death Struggle Between Degenerate Troll and Horse-Faced Hypocrite for Fourth

Yes, the New Hampshire Presidential primary is over.

Mitt Romney won - but of course he had to; the Granite State was his backyard. If he lost in NH, he might as well go to Salt Lake City and hang up his Magic Mormon Underwear. But with 95% of the vote counted, he's only got 39.4%. Not a good showing.

Still, he's the first Republican since Gerald Ford to win both Iowa and New Hampshire, so that's got to count for something. We have to remember that Ford lost, though.

Ron Paul lived up to his supporter's faith in him as America's Blithering Grandfather and showed a strong second, about ten percentage points behind Romney.

John Huntsman posted third, and I believe one guy felt his speech was greeted with a decided lackluster amount of enthusiasm.

That left Newton Gingrich and Rick Santorum duking it out for the fourth-place position. That's not even a podium finish, guys, and only about 200 votes separate you two. Pathetic, even more than usual.

Rick Perry? You ask.

Do I have to?

::sigh:: Okay.

Perry got 1709 votes, managing a sick fifth (if we assume that The Newt and Frothy Mix are statistically tied at fourth). But like a scabies infection or a case of herpes, Perry refuses to go away.

On to South Carolina, and we see just how much damage the Palmetto State can inflict on Mitt Romney's doomed campaign.

Giving the Finger to the GOP

2012-01-05T16:21:00.002-05:00

Last year the Congress passed a bill establishing a protection board for consumers, designed to act as a watchdog over the loan sharks who are currently running the nation's banks, credit card companies and payday loan shops. The President signed it into law over the objections of the Republican caucus.

The GOP hatched a cunning plan: They would block every attempt by the President to nominate a head of this board. This would, in effect, nullify the law.

At the same time, the need was urgent to name three more members of the National Labor Relations board. And, sure enough, every time a name was put forward the GOP Senate Caucus would filibuster it. This paralyzes the NLRB, since they only had two members and couldn't make any binding decisions (a quorum was required, at least three members).

Stymied by the intransigence of the GOP, President Obama waited.

Until yesterday.

Exercising his authority under Article II, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution (the supreme law of the land, just to remind you), President Obama made four recess appointments - the head of the CFPB and three members of the NLRB. I think they start on Monday.

The GOP is foaming at the mouth at this, but you have to recall that Obama's a Constitutional lawyer by education and training, so in this case I think he's on safe ground here. You can expect a lot of screeching about "abuse of power" and "power grab" and "ignoring the Congress," but the crux of it is this:

If the GOP wants to actually work and earn their pay, they need to stop their mulish and quite frankly infantile behavior.

Bachmann Drops Out

2012-01-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

Pyrrhic Victory for Romney in Iowa; Santorum Fluffers Come Out in Force

2012-01-04T07:08:00.002-05:00

The Iowa Caucus is now history.

After too many debates to count and a mega-avalanche of ads and pontifications from various members of the chattering class, the voters finally had their say. Twenty-five convention delegates were up for grabs.

As of now, Willard Romney won - by eight votes - but didn't manage to break 25% of the electorate. It's not surprising; Mitt's been unable to break 25% for a year now. To win by only eight votes after spending about $156 per vote must be particularly painful.

Rick Santorum experienced a late surge, and started spending big up to the wire. In terms of percentages he finished equal to Romney, with an equal number of delegates allocated (eleven). At an estimated $21 per vote, he did rather well.

Ron Paul came away with three delegates, coming in third. He still thinks he has a chance, the poor deluded dope.

Newt Gingrich was fourth, getting no delegates and moving on to New Hampshire after a rather bitter and mean-spirited concession speech. He's made no bones about his loathing of Romney, although he also conceded he would "probably" vote for him in the general.

Rick Perry spent the most ($480) per vote, and only got 10% of the votes cast. He's gone back to Texas to "reassess" his campaign. Cain did the same, and hasn't been back.

Michele Bachmann got six thousand votes, and is still in the race (for now).

John Huntsman, tied with Buddy Roemer as the sanest of the GOP field, finished behind Bachmann. John, the Republicans don't want sane this cycle, my lad.

"No Preference" and "Other" beat out Cain and Roemer.

What was pretty gut-wrenching was watching MSNBC's Morning Joe and hearing the almost cloying chatter from Scarborough, et. al. about Santorum's victory speech. Unfortunately, Rick Frothy Mixture resonates with people who think social causes are the most important issues, when it's the economy, stupid.

So, onward to New Hampshire and Romney's back yard. We'll have to see if there's such a thing as Mitt-mentum.

And We're Off And Running!

2012-01-02T13:48:00.003-05:00

Welcome to 2012!

And ... we have the Iowa Caucus on Tuesday.

Shit.

Coupled with that, we also had a 7-magnitude earthquake hit Tokyo. No report of damage. There was also a 4-magnitude tremor two miles northwest of Youngstown, Ohio that may or may not have had anything to do with fracking.

I tried to augur the omens and portents, but screw it.

I'm hoping that the caucus goers at Iowa voting places are bringing moist towelettes and soap with them, just in case the santorum surge washes over them. A frothy mixture like that can be ... messy.

Bear in mind, also, that Iowa actually has a fairly lackluster record when it comes to picking the eventual nominee. Remember that they picked Huckabee in the last go-around, a Pat Robertson came second in 88 as I recall.

Bachmann's already forecasting a miracle. Ho, ho. I think the miracle will be whether her campaign staff can stop her from immolating herself when the returns come in.

Adieu, 2011

2011-12-31T18:57:00.002-05:00

Goodbye, the two thousand eleventh year of the Common Era.

You won't exactly be missed.

Onward!

The Closing of the Year

2011-12-30T19:23:00.001-05:00

Shenanigans in the Middle East

2011-12-29T06:25:00.003-05:00

The year's closing out with a rumble over in that part of western and southwestern Asia we like to call 'the Middle East.'

Cases in point:

If it's late December, you know you're going to see a brouhaha at Bethlehem's Church of the Nativity. As usual, it was the Greek Orthodox versus the Armenian Catholics, and brooms were involved. Riot police wielding batons were called out, but no arrests - these are, after all, men of the cloth and servants of the Prince of Peace, you know.

In the waters off the Red Sea coast of Yemen earlier this month an underwater volcano erupted, creating a new island. Neat, eh?

Israel saw protests against the ultra-ultra-orthodox Haredis, who are what you might want to call Jews on Steroids. They're advocating strict segregation of the sexes and what they call "proper" dress for women - sort of like the hijab or burqa, I should imagine. A ten-year-old girl was highlighted by one story; she's been harassed and called a slut and prostitute for dressing, you know, normally.

Iran, as you might have heard, may be trying to develop a nuclear weapon. In order to coerce them into not fiddling about with fissiles, Europe and the United States are threatening to set up an oil embargo, preventing Iran from selling oil. The Islamic Republic retaliated by staging naval maneuvers and stating quite baldly that they could close the vital Straits of Hormuz, which supplies about a third of the world's oil.

We take such things seriously, and the Pentagon said that we won't tolerate a closure of the Straits. We might move the Fifth Fleet in that direction, but I think they should step carefully - a US war game several years ago resulted in the opposing force sinking one of our aircraft carriers.

Shit got real for Arab League observers in Syria. They were there to monitor and investigate allegations that the Assad regime was slaughtering thousands of its own citizens in an attempt to stifle a reform movement. One team member said he saw "nothing frightening," which made me wonder if Sergeant Schultz hadn't married a nice Syrian girl after the War.

Riots are still going on in Egypt, where the people who ran out the Mubarak regime are still there, and the people would very much like them to leave, please, so they can rebuild a democratic government.

Iraq? What amazes me is they waited four whole days after we left to start things going.

We're selling F-15 air superiority fighters to Saudi Arabia. Merry Christmas, King Abdullah.

Going to be a fun year ...

Christmas Gifts

2011-12-25T19:23:00.002-05:00

Well, another Christmas is almost past, Dear Readers, and overall this year was a complete success.

As is traditional in my family, we had a formal sit down dinner on the 24th, followed not by the Airing of the Grievances but by the opening of presents. I got three books on African history (King Leopold's Ghost, The Scramble for Africa, and The Boer War) and a new pair of work boots. I definitely needed the latter.

Everyone else in the family was satisfied with the gifts they received, and were immensely stuffed by the meal I made. Said meal consisted of:

Prime rib with bacon-spinach stuffing
Duchess potatoes with mushroom gravy
Spiced carrots
Minty orzo with peas
Rum-raisin apple pie
Lemon fruitcake

Yummy!

Then I saw the news this morning, and I received another gift - the gift of delicious schadenfreude. It seems that neither Rick Perry nor Newt Gingrich will be on the ballot in Virginia when that state holds its primary later next year. You see, you need to post up ten thousand signatures in order to get on the ballot, and Rick and Newton failed to do it.

Well, no problem, you say; they'll just run a write-in campaign. Ah, but Virginia's election laws prohibit write-ins during the primaries. So Rick and Newt are left out in the cold.

Adding to this comedy of errors was the statement made by Gingrich's campaign staff, which likened the contretemps to Pearl Harbor and called it a setback (implying that the Japanese attack that killed 2,000 Americans was also a 'setback'). I'm waiting to see how that gets walked back.

Meanwhile, I shall go to bed having had a very merry Christmas.

Boehner Pwns Himself

2011-12-23T05:26:00.002-05:00

It's not fun being Speaker John Boehner this Christmas.

I'll try to contain my laughter and deep, warm, fuzzy freudenschade.

And it started with an extension of the payroll tax cut. Earlier this year, the Democrats suggested a one-year extension, and the Republicans balked. So the Dems in the Senate suggested a two-month stopgap, and the Republicans in the Senate (after due amounts of hemming and hawing) decided it was a pretty good idea. The Senate passed it easily, with wide bipartisan support, and sent it on to the House.

And things fell apart.

I will now digress, to give you a little insight into the fundamental differences between the House of Representatives and the Senate. When the Constitution was being drawn up, Alexander Hamilton suggested that the Senate be what the House of Lords was in Britain - the Upper House, populated by people who were above the baser instincts of those drawn and elevated from the great masses of the people.

(This, by the way, is why the original version of the Constitution - now modified by the 17th Amendment - required Senators to be elected by state legislatures, not by popular vote.)

The House of Representatives, on the other hand, was to be and still is elected by popular vote. Its members tend to be passionate and somewhat more vociferous than their Senate counterparts. Some might even say 'bumptious,' requiring the Speaker to be strong leader capable of directing not only his own caucus but by negotiating in good faith with the opposition.

Okay, digression over.

The payroll tax stopgap hits the House and got hit by a dung-bomb. You see, the extreme-right-so-extreme-that-if-you-squint-they-look-anarchist wing of the GOP said no. These are the same people who'd rather see Americans lapse into poverty by the millions rather than let Obama or the Democrats be perceived as winning. Buoyed, then, by the extremists in his caucus, Boehner said no.

And the backlash began. The Right Wing Propaganda Mouthpieces (like the Wall Street Journal) stood aghast at the very idea of Republicans actually refusing a tax cut. The Senate GOP perked up, and the wrinkled old woman Minority Leader (Mitch McConnell) refused to back Boehner's bright idea of setting up a conference. Even Karl Rove weighed in, saying that the Republicans had "lost the optics."

Boehner capitulated yesterday, as his own House caucus started to fracture.

Boehner plans on putting the bill up on a unanimous consent motion, which doesn't require calling the full House back into session. However, it means that only one Republican has to object to scotch things and make the Speaker look like many are perceiving him to be - a weak leader.

The Speaker of the House cannot be a weak leader, and it's been vividly illustrated that Boehner can't even command his own caucus, much less the more fractious and bumptious Tea Party members. He's lost respect, and you can't get respect back easily once you've lost it.

If one, just one, GOP House member says no to the motion approving the bill, payroll taxes will go up and the blame will be laid completely at the feet of the Republican House caucus and its leader, Speaker John Boehner. People will get extremely pissed at seeing their taxes go up while the GOP continues to insist on lowering taxes on the insanely rich.

One analyst suggested a fight developing, behind the scenes right now, between partisans within the House GOP.

Watch closely, and have some popcorn or Raisinets handy.

We may have Speaker Eric Cantor by Groundhog Day.

That Was Quick

2011-12-22T19:23:00.003-05:00

Four days ago the last US troops left Iraq.

Barely had the dust settled on the highway leading out into Kuwait than things went to shit. I have to confess, it was quicker than I expected, but in hindsight you can see where it was starting.

Years ago, on this very bit of blogging soil, Dear Reader, I predicted that when we left Iraq - no matter when we inevitably left that country - the Shiite majority and the Sunni minority would come to blows. The Sunnis have been the ruling faction in Iraq ever since the British created the nation out of several Ottoman provinces after the Great War and installed a Hashemite monarch from the Hejaz.

The Shiites are now in power, and simmering tensions are now coming to a boil. The political infighting that prevented a viable governing coalition in Baghdad for months got worse as soon as the Americans left.

Iraqi PM Maliki has issued an arrest warrant for Vice President al-Hashemi, alleging terrorism and purported ties to death squads. Al-Hashemi has hightailed it to Kurdistan.

And in a coordinated attack reminiscent of so many over the past years, fourteen bombs have gone off, killing about 70 and injuring 200.

Now, many people are going to excoriate President Obama for "leaving too early." But it wouldn't have mattered if we had left five years ago, or fifty years from now.

I'm just surprised they waited four days to start up.

Bob Dole Puts The Evil Eye on Mitt Romney

2011-12-19T15:41:00.002-05:00

It had to happen.

The feckless cadre of lunatics and has-beens that comprise the Republican Party's Presidential candidate field have started to trawl for endorsements with all the enthusiasm and creativity of a bum wiping your windshield at an intersection.

The difference is the bum's going to do something constructive with the money he gets for wiping windows.

In advance of the Iowa Caucuses, which are coming up soon in much the same way a liver pate and egg nog smoothie comes up soon, the Des Moines Register endorsed Willard Romney in an editorial that can basically be summed up as, "Meh. He'll do."

Big names are starting to show up now. The biggest - literally - is New Jersey Governor Chris "William Howard Taft Lookalike Contest Runner-Up" Christie, who's apparently been satisfied with Romney's taint-licking prowess.

The Taliban Wing of the GOP is anxiously awaiting Sarah Palin's decision on who she'll endorse. She's playing her usual stupid-coy game, trying to bask in the warm sunlight rain of dollars a little while more.

And now Bob Dole is endorsing Romney.

War hero.

Former longtime Senator from Kansas.

Ran alongside Jerry Ford against Jimmy Carter in 1976 . . . and lost.

Ran against Bill Clinton . . . and lost.

I can hear it in the Romney camp now:

"Oy."

From Our "No! Really?" Files

2011-12-19T12:59:00.003-05:00

Christmas Division.

Ah, yes, 'tis the season, isn't it? Culture warriors are out in force, screaming "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" at you as if it were some kind of magic incantation to ward off secularism, stores started flogging seasonal bargains sometime around Labor Day . . .

And a Michigan neighborhood was accused of being pagans.

An anonymous letter was sent around to the people who live on Vintage Drive in the town of Hudsonville telling them that stringing lights, putting up trees and hanging mistletoe was to honor the 'pagan Sun-god,' and not to honor The Borg of Religions.

No!

Really?

The early Church moved the exact date of Jesus' birth to December 25th back about 1600 years or so ago (the exact date's anyone's guess - hell, it could be April Fool's Day), probably to coincide with the old Mithraic Feast of the Unconquered Sun. It would make a lot of sense; the 25th is close to the winter solstice, and said solstice is the longest night of the year. Sun or Son, the Church decided if you can't beat 'em, assimilate 'em.

Lights, trees and mistletoe are all pagan, yes indeed. So's the date, and so's practically everything else associated with Christmas. There are even pagan analogs of Jesus' birth.

And I really question the faith and conviction of the letter writer, who published anonymously.

So drink your egg nog, you anonymous asshole, and Merry Christmas.

He's Not So Ronery Now

2011-12-19T05:43:00.003-05:00

Kim Jong Il is dead. North Korea announced last night that the 'Dear Leader' had died at the age of 69, and has been duly succeeded by his youngest son, Kim Jong Un.

Note the adjective 'youngest.'

Jong Un's got two older brothers, who might conceivably harbor a soupcon of resentment at being cut out of the dynastic succession (the DPRK's unique even among Communist countries in that regard). Remember Fredo in Godfather II?

Yeah, like that.

According to the analysts, the young man's uncle is the Gray Eminence in Pyongyang. We'll have to see what develops. The rest of Asia is watching as well, and the markets took a dive on the news.

Because the one thing we don't want to see in a small, authoritarian, impoverished nation with a nuclear arsenal is uncertainty at the top.

The Knock on the Door in the Middle of the Night

2011-12-15T10:20:00.003-05:00

Countless millions throughout the old Eastern Bloc spoke of it - a nocturnal visit by the secret police. Whether it was the KGB, the Securitate, the Stasi, by whatever name it had, the State's security apparatus was feared.

It was also hated, but we will overlook that for now. It is not germane to our story.

What is germane is the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA). Recently passed by the idiots in the Congressional Republican Caucus and the weak sisters in the Congressional Democratic Caucus (SHAME on all of you - especially you, Levin!) it contains a provision that had, until yesterday, drawn a veto threat from the Obama White House.

That provision, quite essentially, allows the President of the United States to bypass the Constitution and lock anyone up indefinitely as a suspected terrorist. That includes American citizens.

You heard me right.

The Constitution doesn't matter any more, since the White House has signaled that it will sign this abomination into law.

Right to trial by jury? You'll be lucky to get a military tribunal.

Right to face your accuser? The evidence against you will likely be secret, so you'll never see it.

Right to an attorney? Don't make me laugh.

Right to habeas corpus? That's such a pre-9/11 concept.

Right to avoid self-incrimination? Doesn't matter; you'll be waterboarded until you talk (or they'll send you somewhere where you'll be 'persuaded' to talk).

Right to be protected from cruel and unusual punishment? Don't make me laugh. A society that pepper-sprays peaceful protesters and uses Tasers on small children has forgotten what "cruel and unusual" means.

Now, I hear your objections. "I'm not a terrorist. I have nothing to fear from this law. It's for the good of our country and the preservation of our freedoms."

Bullshit.

The law allows anyone, anyone, to be locked up forever if the President decides it's "all for the good of the country." What's to stop Obama from locking up the entire GOP caucus? Or a future Republican President deciding to dust off Nixon's "enemies list" and ordering the military to start conducting mass arrests of undesirables?

(Which is why I'm particularly incensed at Senator Carl Levin. As a Jew, he must surely realize the effects of this Nacht und Nebel Erlass he's supporting.)

If this becomes law, the knock on the door in the middle of the night will become part of America.

And we will finally have lost the War on Terror.

UPDATE: Extra Irony Points, people! The Congress passed this abominable bill on "Bill of Rights Day!" Isn't that fun?

Welcome Home

2011-12-15T05:13:00.002-05:00

A ceremony is underway in Baghdad today. After more than eight years, the loss of thousands of American lives, the loss of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi lives, and the loss of trillions of dollars ...

The Iraq War is over.

Today, dignitaries will make speeches about What It All Meant, the colors will be cased, and we will hopefully no longer hear of another flag-draped casket coming to Dover AFB from Iraq.

Welcome home, ladies and gentlemen.

How the World is Handling the GOP Candidates

2011-12-01T16:11:00.002-05:00

In a word, very badly.

What with mistaking the continent of Africa as a country, and Herman Cain not knowing what is going on in Libya (but does know that the Taliban are running things), and Michelle Bachmann saying that the pseudoscientific claptrap that is "Intelligent Design" is actually teachable scientific fact, the figures the various candidates for the Republican field are cutting are sorry ones indeed.

But how does the rest of the world view these shenanigans?

In a word ... well, you get the idea.

Marc Pitzke, reporting for Der Spiegel, writes a very damning look at the people running for the leadership of the free world. A few lines will give you the flavor of the article, and how the Germans feel about things:

Yet just like any freakshow, this one would be unthinkable without a stage (in this case, the media, strangling itself with all its misunderstood "political correctness" and "objectivity") and an audience (the party base, which this year seems to have suffered a political lobotomy).

We're losing (if we haven't already lost) what credibility we still had in the world, and quite frankly the rest of the planet's getting pants-shittingly scared of what might happen next year when the election comes on November 6th (and NOT November 12, as Rick Perry said recently).

Here's another example, courtesy of Hospodarske noviny, from the Czech Republic:

The world is divided into two halves: the “right” one, where the desired condition has been achieved, and the one where it must be fought for by any means necessary. There’s not a lot of room for commentary on the “right of nations to self-determination” here. And then America is sincerely surprised that it doesn’t just have friends everywhere.

The One-Percent Holiday Song

2011-12-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

(Sung to the tune of 'O Tannenbaum,' because why not.)

Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why are you so sad this year?

Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why should I shed a single tear?

This Christmastime it's plain to see
It's none for you, and all for me!

Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why don't you get off your lazy rear?

"There Can Be No Patriotism Without Justice ..."

2011-11-25T13:58:00.003-05:00

"As soon as the right of one individual is violated, the right of everyone is jeopardized."

- Georges Clemenceau

Cross One off the Old Bucket List

2011-11-25T08:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had to work, and everyone on my shift participated in bringing in something.

I decided to go out on a limb and cook a turkey for the very first time, ever. I brined it well, then roasted it. It turned out great, as I tested it before bringing it in to work by performing a radical unilateral mastectomy on it for dinner Tuesday night.

Yummy!

Two coworkers also brought meat, and we feasted! Most everyone else brought side dishes and desserts, which was fine. Nothing like a well-rounded menu.

But something was ... odd.

The two coworkers who brought meat had brought in three whacking great pans of smoked turkey, barbecued pork with a tasty mustard-based sauce, and ... Something Else.

I asked it if it was goat, and the guy said Yes. He said it with a smile, which triggered Immediate ALERT warnings on the threat board in my head.

However, I tried some.

I knew instantly it WASN'T goat.

The meat was stringy, like over-braised beef, and it was way too peppery for my taste. And the ribs were far too small and delicate for it to be goat.

So I ate it anyway, and later confronted one of the guys. No, he admitted, it wasn't goat.

It was raccoon.

Raccoon.

Good old Procyon lotor had been on my plate, and I had eaten it.

Excellent! I can now cross another item off my culinary bucket list!

What did YOU try yesterday that you hadn't tried before?

The Stench of Failure

2011-11-22T09:57:00.002-05:00

Ever wondered what failure smells like?

For some, it smells like something burning on the stove.

For others, like the Boss' bad garlic sausage and sauerkraut breath while he's yelling at you.

But the smell of failure lingering around the United States Congress today has a smell all its own.

Failure descended on the Congress like a shitmist today as the Select All-Congress Committee on Kicking the Financial Can Down the Road and Screwing the Middle Class and Retirees Again, Already announced that it had failed to come to an agreement.

A resounding "Well, DUH!" echoed up from the vast population of proles that make up most of the US. The SACCKFCDRSMCRAA never had a chance.

Allow me to tell you why.

See, a few months ago the House and Senate couldn't agree on a budget that would raise the credit limit, so the leaders of both Houses decided to go around the Constitution and create this committee. It was a so-called Super Committee, composed of equal numbers from both Houses and both parties.

And therein lay the fatal flaw of the SACCKFCDRSMCRAA.

Ever since the reign of the First Bush, the Republican Party has grown more and more ideologically rigid and partisan. Trying to negotiate with any kind of faith with people who will not compromise and will not negotiate guarantees an impasse.

Which is what happened. The GOP House and Senate leadership have become so rigid and dogmatic that the idea of raising a tax - any sort of tax - triggers an immediate phobic response.

So what happens next?

Well, under the legislation that created the Super Committee, spending cuts are automatic and are equally balanced between defense and other budgets. And that triggered another phobic response, this time from the Pentagon. Senators McCain (R-Angry Old Creep) and Graham (R-Mincing Nancy Boy) immediately had the vapors.

So we kick the can down the road again, this time in favor of our bloated $700 Billion defense budget, a flailing empire.

So what does this particular failure smell like?

It's a combination of fear sweat, pepper spray and high-priced lobbyist's cologne.

The Future of Workstations

2011-11-13T20:21:00.001-05:00

see more WIN - Epic Win Photos and Videos

On the Eleventh Hour, of the Eleventh Day

2011-11-11T10:21:00.002-05:00

Today the lonely winds are loose
And crying goes the rain.
While here we walk the field they knew
The dead who died in pain.
The fields that wait the slow hours long
For sounds that shall not come.
In other fields, in other earth
The laughing hearts are dumb.

- Elsdon Best

________________________________

On this day, remember.

Remember the fathers, the sons, brothers and husbands; the mothers, the sisters, daughters and wives.

Remember them all. Both the dead, and the living.

Thank them if you chance to meet one, and greet them for what they are. Care for the wounded, care for their loved ones left behind.

I'm Fairly Sure

2011-11-07T08:09:00.002-05:00

I am fairly sure
You've seen this before
So no need to get all mad;
It's just that this
Constant taking the piss
Out of America makes me all sad.

Unfortunately, you see
America's old Gee Oh Pee
Has turned into a bunch of louts;
To a man they're a clown
And on us they look down
With their elephantine snouts.

'Twas back in oh-nine
When things weren't so fine
That the GOP leadership said,
"We won't tell you so
But we'll only say No
Until Obama's politically dead."

So they hemmed and they hawed
Until fatally flawed
Laws were passed to our detriment;
Because the dear GOP
Hate you and me
And think good laws an impediment.

They want you to die
They want you to buy
Things that can make you quite sick;
"Because regulation
Is ruining the nation!"
They lay it on rather thick.

The will of the people,
The needs of the people,
Are ignored in favor of the rich;
To help the wealthy
They don't care if we're healthy
"We the People" are only their bitch.

They scream about life
And swear unending strife
On those who might want abortion;
But for those children who live
They don't want to give
Of tax money a single little portion.

Now you may say "Go home!"
We're sick to death of your poem!
It scans poorly and doesn't rhyme well!"
Well, that may be
But it's mine, you see,
So if you don't like it - go to hell.

*******

The GOP platform in a nutshell, on everything from abortion to arts and sciences to education to social welfare:

Like the Picture Says ...

2011-11-02T05:19:00.003-04:00

The Republican Party of Florida has unveiled its 2012 Presidential primary ballot.

Read 'em and weep, folks:

Michele Bachmann
Herman Cain
Newt Gingrich
Jon Huntsman
Gary Johnson
Ron Paul
Rick Perry
Mitt Romney
Rick Santorum

Florida's primary is January 31st, and I have to decide which of these cretins poses the smallest threat to the Republic.

This is Hardly Surprising

2011-10-29T16:01:00.004-04:00

Yes!

Raise high the BOHICA image, because Here It Comes Again!

A year or so ago, the Republican National Committee determined that the 2012 convention to determine the Party nominee for President would be held in the city of Tampa.

Which is in Florida.

This gladdened the hearts of many business owner, hoteliers and restaurateurs in Brandon, Tampa, and in neighboring Pinellas County. After all, a national party convention means big bucks flowing into the local economy - hotel rooms, meals, diversions, theme parks and other attractions. I expect the two big strip joints on Tampa's Dale Mabry, Mons Venus and 2001, will do a great business as all of these delegates, aides, lobbyists, fixers, family members, press people and assorted hangers-on look to have a bit of fun.

You can say a lot about former RNC Chairman Michael Steele. He may be a hack and a fool, but he and his Committee on Arrangements set things up right. Contracts were drawn up and agreed to, then duly signed.

Fast forward to this past week.

The new RNC Chairman, Reince Priebus (the only man whose name sounds like a social disease) sacked Steele's arrangements committee practically the day he took over the top seat.

Which brings me to this article from the St. Petersburg Times.

The RNC breezed into Tampa to have a little chat with the various hoteliers who had signed contracts with the Committee for room rates and fees to cover the Convention - and promptly told them, in not so many words, that their contracts are about as useful as toilet paper.

For starters, the room rates? Too high, the RNC wants them lower.

Second - those fees. The fees are paid by the hotels to the Convention, and the RNC wants them increased, from $30 per room to 10 percent of the bill.

If the hotels knuckle under and acquiesce (which they probably will), the 100 or so hotels who have committed some 15,000 rooms for the week-long convention will see a drop in the revenue they can realize from this shindig. The Tradewinds Resort on St. Pete Beach could see a decrease of $150,000 in their projected earnings for the convention.

While this is hardly surprising, one has to wonder why the RNC won't honor the contracts that they've signed in good faith with the hotels.

Or, to put it more simply:

Why does the Republican National Committee hate small business?

2011-10-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

see more Very Demotivational

Lack of Perspective

2011-10-28T08:13:00.003-04:00

A guy in Albany, Georgia went to the local Taco Bell and ordered, Cthulhu help us, something called an XXL Chalupa. When he bit into this abomination, he discovered - to his horror! - that there wasn't enough 'meat' in it.

After first demanding a correction, then using the vaguely-worded threat of "redecorating" the establishment, someone firebombed the store. The guy with the shitty Chalupa is in custody on suspicion of arson.

I bet jail food's better for him than some kind of disgusting, gods-forsaken bastardized Tex-Mex abomination from a fast-food franchise.

Actually, were he a clear-minded thinker, he might have simply thrown the Molotov Cocktail first, instead of throwing away his money on an XXL Chalupa. But such are life's little ironies.

The guy's guilty of a complete lack of perspective.

Halloween Hijinks

2011-10-28T06:49:00.002-04:00

I think Stephen Colbert's right about this one:

One commenter pointed out that no one was demanding "Braaaaiiinnsss" over in Judea back in the day.

But, nowadays, they do ask for brains. Just go to any Christian church - they ask you to check it at the door. Makes things easier, you know.

A Rebuttal (and Rant)

2011-10-27T16:13:00.003-04:00

Back on October 24th, a gentleman wrote an editorial letter to a local newspaper. In that letter, he suggested that the New York City Police Department use water cannons to "cut loose" on the OWS protesters in Zucotti Park. He added that it might be salutary to wet down the protester's camping gear along with the occupants.

I'm certain that he was probably applauding the police action in Oakland, California several nights ago. One of the park occupants there, an Iraq War veteran, was hospitalized in critical condition after being struck in the forehead by a police projectile. He has since been upgraded to fair condition. That should teach him, huh?

I would like to appeal to Mr. Jones, the writer of the aforementioned letter, that the Oakland PD didn't go far enough. Police departments have automatic weapons now - maybe he'd much rather see the police start shooting until all of the protesters are dead. Men, women and children, the old and young, healthy and infirm - all dead.

That'll teach them a lesson, will it not?

In fact, Mr. Jones, it will send a harsh but necessary lesson to all Americans, and that lesson is: Keep your head down, don't dissent, obey, stay in line, don't make waves, don't rock the boat, you can't fight The Man, dissent is anti-American, disagreeing with the wealthy is treason.

Distilled, Mr. Jones, the lesson you want to impart is Americans are slaves and should keep their mouths shut and know their place.

And it'll teach a lesson to the next person who dares raise their head in this democracy and has the unbridled temerity to ask, "Isn't there some way to make things better?"

I Have No Sympathy

2011-10-24T15:38:00.001-04:00

The Wall Street Journal, that apologetic rag now owned by the Murdochs, has a sob story to tell:

The Siegels' dream home, called "Versailles," after its French inspiration, is still a work in progress. Its steel-and-wood frame rises from the tropical suburbs of Orlando, Fla., like a skeleton from the Jurassic age of real estate. Ms. Siegel shows off the future bowling alley, indoor relaxing pools, five kitchens, 23 bathrooms, 13 bedrooms, two elevators, two movie theaters (one for kids and one for adults, each modeled after a French opera theater), 20-car garage and wine cellar built for 20,000 bottles.

At 90,000 square feet, the Siegels' Versailles is believed to be the largest private home in America. (The Vanderbilt family's Biltmore house in North Carolina is bigger at 135,000 square feet, but it's now a hotel and tourist attraction). The Siegels' home is so big that they bought 10 Segways to get around—one for each of their eight children.

After touring the house, Ms. Siegel walks out to the deck, with its Olympic-size pool, future rock grotto, three hot tubs and 80-foot waterfall overlooking Lake Butler. Her eyes well up with tears.

If this doesn't fit the definition of "wretched excess," I'm not certain what does.

The WSJ article goes on to tell the rest of the Siegel's sad story, mainly as defense to their argument that the second-tier rich are so overextended on their credit that the slightest hiccup in the economy sends them over the edge to bankruptcy and liquidation.

In a final coda to the sob story, Mrs. Siegel relates how they had to give up their Gulfstream private jet and - gasp! Quelle horreur! - take a commercial jet.

Too fucking bad, lady. You probably went first class. Sit back in coach with the rest of us proles.

This Won't End Well At All

2011-10-23T07:33:00.002-04:00

Twenty-three thousand inmates at 36 Texas prisons are now getting only two meals a day on weekends.

Now, that may not sound like that much of a hardship, but people who are in the corrections field tell me that about 90% of disturbances in a prison start over the food - how much is served, what's served, and the quality of the food.

The Texas Democrat who proposed it suggested the standard boilerplate response - if the inmates don't like it, they need to stay out of prison.

I suppose that means that if a riot breaks out, he'd be glad to go down to the prison and share his philosophy with the inmates.

Just what the fuck is it with Texas?

This Way to the Egress

2011-10-23T06:58:00.003-04:00

The war in Iraq was over.

George W Bush said so, under a huge banner that read "Mission Accomplished."

Of course, he was wrong, as he'd been so wrong on so many things. The war in Iraq - touted as a neat, fast military adventure that would be relatively bloodless and paid for by the Iraqis themselves out of their oil revenue - has cost us over 4400 American lives and went a long way to crippling our economy.

Last week, with combat operations halted, we still had 45,000 troops in Iraq.

We were negotiating with the government there over a Status Of Forces Agreement, or SOFA. There were a few sticking points, notably how many troops will remain behind to help train the Iraqi Army.

Those talks foundered last week, and President Obama is calling the troops home.

Why did the talks cave in?

Well, the nice comfy SOFA the US was asking for included a clause granting immunity from prosecution for US troops stationed there. We've had similar clauses in other countries, but in this case Iraqi PM al-Maliki's guys put their foot down. To be fair to the Iraqis, I'd put my foot down as well.

What we'll be left with in Iraq after the last soldier, sailor, Marine and airman leaves is a couple hundred troops to safeguard our Brobdingnagian ziggurat of an Embassy - oh, and about 5,000 'contractors.'

For 'contractors,' read 'mercenaries in the pay of the US State Department.'

But we must rejoice.

The war in Iraq is (finally!) over.

Who won?

Iran, of course.

And what kind of welcome will our troops face when they come home?

I'm SO glad you asked!

Unemployment is still high, thanks to the economy that was crippled in part thanks to financing two wars with borrowed money. Lawmakers are considering cutting veteran's benefits -

Wait! What?

Yes, you heard me. Lawmakers are considering cutting veteran's benefits. For a Congress that has fetishized the military since 9/11 (HE SAID 9/11! EVERYBODY DRINK!) this move is particularly odious. 53,000 Americans were injured physically, and many more were doubtless injured mentally by what they've had to endure.

Once again, we'll have a Lost Generation, but they won't be talking about Vietnam. They'll be talking about Iraq.

In Right-Wing Utopia ...

2011-10-21T06:00:00.002-04:00

It's the job of Government and the media to keep you afraid of The Other, whether it's spooky foreign people who don't speak the same language or worship the same tribal deity, or if it's your own neighbor just because he or she may not agree with you.

It's the job of Big Business to keep you afraid that you'll lose your job, enabling them to keep you working until you drop dead for low wages and few real benefits.

It's the job of Wall Street to keep you afraid you'll lose what little money you have, while they get richer.

It's the job of The Churches to keep you afraid of anything that might be considered enjoyable, while at the same time keeping you stupid.

Any argument with this?

Why Hollywood Types Should STFU

2011-10-19T13:07:00.003-04:00

My cousin sent me a link to a video featuring actor Jon Voight, in which he makes certain assertions in defense of the Tea Party.

Primarily, he asserts that government should not spend the people's money in an economic crisis.

I'd be willing to agree with Voight - if his assertions weren't completely flawed.

I draw your attention to the US Gross Domestic Product (GDP) as it was in late 1932. It was in negative numbers, meaning that there was no growth, period, and millions were unemployed with zero safety net at all for them. Roosevelt (Franklin, not Teddy) was inaugurated in March 1933 and decided that Hoover was wrong: Private industry wasn't doing anything to restart the economy. To be plainly honest, private industry was hiding in a corner waiting for things to get better.

So the Federal Government started spending what private industry didn't have - money.

It threw money at a variety of programs - the Works Progress Administration, the Civilian Conservation Corps, the Tennessee Valley Authority, etc. - that put Americans back to work, paying them wages and allowing them to spend money to get the economy going again. Coupled with these programs were laws and regulations designed to make certain that banks can't gamble with our money again. And guess what happened?

The national GDP went up!

After the 1936 elections, FDR tacked to the right under pressure from the Republicans and conservative Democrats, and started a series of austerity measures to curb the deficit. Result? The Recession of 1937, where GDP fell again. This caused the Federal Government to start spending money again - and I'll concede that the rise of Fascism in Europe helped FDR persuade the Congress to allow the money to be spent.

Fast forward to the past 20 years. One of the key bits of the FDR regulatory machinery - the Glass-Steagall Act - was repealed by the GOP in a veto-proof majority over Clinton's objections. Banks and other financial institutions were free to start gambling with our money again, and invented the so-called mortgage derivative. Housing boomed, and (just as in 1929) it was widely assumed that we'd never see an economic downturn ever again. Until 2007.

Moral: Sometimes, government spending and government regulation are Good, if not Necessary.

As for Voight's career in Hollywood, his portrayal of FDR in "Pearl Harbor" was his cinematic obituary. That movie stunk.

I'm Waiting ...

2011-10-19T07:54:00.001-04:00

... to see when Mitt Romney finally gets fed up with Rick Perry and draws the straight razor I know he's hiding in his sock.

Yes, I believe that the Mormon former Governor of Massachusetts is capable of cutting a bitch, especially an uncouth blowhard like Rick "I Balance My State Budget using Federal Money" Perry. Based on his expression during the "True Housewives of Beverly Hills"-style circle jerk that passed for a debate last night, it won't be too much longer.

Now, what else did I take away from that gabfest?

1. Herman Cain has literally no idea what he's talking about. He started using an apples and oranges analogy when describing his Inverse Number of the Beast Tax Plan, but he can't dodge the simple fact that not only will you and I be paying his taxes (which, he concedes, may rise) but also the state and local imposts (which can also rise).

2. Michele Bachmann's getting even farther into The Crazy.

3. Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich should not have been up there on that stage.

4. Ron Paul stepped over the line by bringing up Ronald Reagan's actual record, and not parroting the sugar coated and well-glossed-over standard GOP boilerplate about Saint Ronnie. What caused the pin-drop silence in the room was an airing of Cain's earlier comments in which he stated that he would consider negotiating a swap with al Qaeda in order to free an American soldier taken hostage (as Israel did with Hamas to free Gilad Sharit). Score one for Paul, although his stands on almost everything else shows that he'll never make President.

5. The final thing I took away from this sorry spectacle is that it desperately needed topless chorus girls to distract the audience away from these rubes.

I look forward to the first GOP primaries - which, based on their current internecine strife, will probably start next month.

Restaurant Review - Bosphorus Turkish Kitchen

2011-10-19T04:49:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday (yeah, yeah, I know - yay me) and in honor of making it fifty years without serious mishaps I decided to go celebrate. Being a contrary sort, I treated my immediate family to dinner.

I chose the Bosphorus Turkish Kitchen, in Lakeland on South Kentucky Avenue.

There were two Turkish restaurants in Lakeland; one of them, the Istanbul, has gone bust. I was resolved to try out the Bosphorus before anything happened to it as well.

The place is small and cozy, and run by a single family. The cook, an older man, came out from to welcome us and help his son get us seated.

We started with appetizers: Lavas, hummus, and fried feta cheese rolls. Lavas is bread, made fresh on the premises and cooked when you order it. It's topped with sesame seeds and a drizzle of butter, and came to us piping hot from the oven and puffed up high. You're supposed to tear it up, and the dough is soft, sweet and chewy. The hummus was very tasty, flavored with garlic and olive oil, and the bread only got better as you dipped it in the chickpea spread. The feta cheese rolls are the staff's answer to mozzarella rolls - seasoned feta, wrapped in phyllo and fried. Tasty.

Now time for the main course!

I ordered the Special Chicken Adana for $14.99. What I got was wonderful - chopped chicken mixed with spices and cheese, cooked on a skewer and served on a bed of rice, with a green salad sharing the plate with it. The dressing on the salad was tasty, but the chicken! The chicken was perfectly seasoned and delicious.

My brother had the lamb Adana Kebab. The lamb, prepared pretty much the same way as the chicken, had a nice spicy kick to it (we swapped a bite each of our entrees). My mother had the Iskender Kebab, a nice combination platter that featured chicken and lamb doner (a mixture of lamb and spices, shaved off a rotating mass as it roasts).

Absolutely delicious.

Dessert consisted of one order of Kunefe, shared between me and my brother. Kunefe is phyllo, shredded very fine and baked with unsalted cheese, then topped with ground pistachios and sweet syrup. Very tasty and rich.

Drinks? I had a glass of Yakut Kavaklidere, a full-bodied red with a bit of oak to it and a solid finish. It made an excellent counterpoint to the chicken. Dessert was served with Turkish coffee, which came in a small cup and lived up to the old proverb that coffee must be "black as night, hot as hell and sweet as love."

The verdict?

I give the Bosphorus Turkish Kitchen four stars. The staff are attentive and friendly, the setting is clean, and the food is well worth the trip and reasonably priced (the most expensive single item is the Mixed Grill, at $19.99). Parking may require a bit of a walk, but you'll need a bit of exercise after dinner anyway.

Check the place out when you're in Lakeland!

"Advisers" Sent to Uganda. Oh Joy.

2011-10-16T08:29:00.003-04:00

Back on Friday President Obama sent Speaker John Boehner a letter.

And what may be our next war front has been unsealed.

You see, gentle reader, war teaches us geography. Seriously: Would any of our geographically illiterate schoolchildren ever know about Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, El Salvador, or Vietnam if we hadn't sent troops to fight and kill people?

But we're doing it very subtly this time. We're sending only 100 combat-armed troops as "advisers."

We started our war in Vietnam by sending advisers. After a while they started tagging along with the ARVN on combat missions, then started taking part in combat missions, then started leading combat missions. Then we sent combat formations, and finally half a million combat troops.

That's what the danger is, but we musn't fool ourselves. The Lord's Resistance Army, operating in Uganda and the African Great Lakes region are not a nationalist organization like the Viet Cong, or the Sandinistas, or the Bosnian Serb Army. They're a terrorist army of religious fanatics that impress children into their ranks and commit horrific atrocities. The advisers are there to help the local troops liquidate the LRA's leader, Joseph Kony, and his chief lieutenants.

Whether they'll succeed or not remains to be seen. But the thing must be watched carefully to prevent a Vietnam-style mission creep that could drag us into yet another quagmire.

(It might also be edifying to see what religious organizations in the region are tacitly supporting the LRA with money sent to them by megachurches here in the USA.)

2011-10-15T12:32:00.001-04:00

see more Poorly Dressed

Black Snow, or Why Sometimes Regulations Are A Good Thing

2011-10-15T11:48:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, in a faraway place called Rumania, there was a town called Copsa Mica. Copsa Mica was a place with only two major industries that provided steady employment for its citizens. One made carbon black, for industrial uses (carbon black is useful in making tires), while the other was an industrial melting smelting operation.

It wasn't a very healthy place to live, mainly because of metal ash and soot. Sometimes, the snow that fell in the winter would be stained black by the stuff in the air. Back in the 80s and 90s, Copsa Mica earned the distinction of being the most polluted city in Europe.

Were there regulations by the government, to control the factories and safeguard the health of the citizens?

No.

The government in power believed in industry, to help its economy and its exports. Regulations would simply get in the way. The government did provide health care - of the basic, proletarian Rumanian Communist sort - to the people under the effluent plume.

Let's go north and east a bit now, to a nice place called Siberia.

Up in Siberia there's oil - lots of oil. Companies are subsidized by the government to drill for oil, pump the oil out and ship it to refineries. If there are a few lakes of toxic crude mineral slime lying out from drill blowouts, pump failures and pipeline breaks, who cares? It's not like anyone who, you know, really matters lives out in the Wild East and drinks the water that this oil seeps into and contaminates.

Now, gentle reader, please bear these two tales in mind as you read or hear about A Certain Political Party that wants to do away with all regulations in the interest of business.

They don't care if your food isn't safe.

They don't care if your water isn't safe.

They don't care if your water bursts into flame when you open the taps.

They don't care if the air isn't fit to breathe.

Everything must be sacrificed on the Altar of Business.

Black snow for Christmas, anyone?

The Future of Armored Warfare?

2011-10-14T19:36:00.001-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Smart Panzer!

Pity Party!

2011-10-05T20:38:00.004-04:00

It's a bad time to be a Modern Republican.*

You have a field of political candidates that make the famous 'Seven Dwarfs' look like real balls of fire, and every time they open their gaping pieholes you just want to cringe in anticipation at what might come out.

For example:

Michele Bachmann actually blaming the Obama Administration for the Arab Spring uprisings that have toppled ruthless dictators in the name of democratic reforms, then following it up with some kind of unhinged screed about the terrorist group Hamas stationing missiles in Cuba.

Herman Cain ragging on Rick Perry for the quite obviously racist name of a hunting ranch, then taking the breathtaking stance that African-Americans have been "brainwashed by the liberal plantation" (whatever the hell that means). He then blamed the unemployed poor for being unemployed and poor.

See what I mean?

Pathetic.

But through it all, the Modern Republicans* hoped. Somewhere, somewhere, they reasoned with ever-growing desperation, there had to be The One. The One who could beat Obama, The One who could defeat the bad economy with a casual flick of his brawny wrist, The One who oozed charisma from every pore and who would make the world safe for the Koch Brothers.

They thought they had found The One, in Chris Christie, the fin-de-siecle William Howard Taft lookalike who is the incumbent Governor of New Jersey. Much to their disappointment, Christie said that 2012 "wasn't his time."

Of course, being Governor of New Jersey is a little bit like being Governor of Louisiana - you have to be nearly as crooked as a screwworm in order to get that high. I'm originally from the Garden State, and say "a little bit" as the government in Trenton and the counties is corrupt, but still gets things done by and large.

That left only The One from the last go-around. The Magilla from Wasilla. The Grizzly Mom. The Maverick. The Rogue.

Sarah Palin.

It's greatly to her credit that The Half-Term Governor managed to keep her name out there for so very long, milking her bus tours and book deals and TV shows for all they were worth in order to subsidize her and her family. Roger Ailes of FOX went almost suicidally honest when he declared earlier this week that he hired Palin because she was "hot" and could draw in viewers.

(I hope he meant "hot" as in popular, as she's not very attractive.)

To a fanfare of kazoos and bongos, Sarah Palin announced today that she will not be running for President.

And you could hear the groans come up from the gaping maws of the Modern Republicans* as The Grifter became The Quitter once again. Her lust for money, it seems, has managed to outweigh her Potomac Jones - practically the only thing that can serve as an antidote to that most potent lure.

As it stands now, the best chance the Modern Republicans* have is Mitt Romney. The Romneybot, The Mittens, The Dogboy.

Oy.

*I am not one.

Feckless Tales of the TSA

2011-10-05T19:21:00.002-04:00

I went up to Memphis last month to attend a furry con. In my carry-on luggage I had a tube of antifungal cream.

A metal squeeze tube.

Metal.

The TSA screeners never noticed it, never asked me about it. They passed me through with no trouble.

'Twas a different story when I was on the return flight. The inconsistency astounds me.

Second story: There's this guy I know who lives in Arizona, but he's originally from Iceland (yeah, yeah, I know - one extreme to another, right?) and he flies back to Iceland to visit family about twice each year.

He got back to the United States and discovered that some roguish japester had concealed a box of shotgun shells in his carry-on bag. Not the first time, either. And the alert TSA screeners in Boston and New York completely failed to notice. Of course, so did Customs at Reykjavik.

Carlin was right. It's all just an illusion.

Murder Most Foul

2011-09-30T13:28:00.002-04:00

"Murder most foul, as in the best it is;
But this most foul, strange and unnatural."
- Hamlet, Act 1, Scene V.

Anwar al-Awlaki is dead.

The US Defense Department and the Yemeni Ministry of Defense announced that al-Awlaki had been killed by a missile fired by a pilotless drone aircraft. A "targeted killing," in the tortured parlance of the day.

The Israelis do targeted killings all the time, routinely picking off members of Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad with only the mildest of strongly-worded letters from the United States. Of course, we expect such behavior from the Israelis.

Al-Awlaki was born in the United States, in New Mexico back in 1971. He held dual citizenship from the USA and Yemen. Nevertheless, having been born in the United States he was an American citizen.

Now, it is a matter of fact that he wrote and said many things that inspired, educated and justified terrorists and would-be jihadis.

But so have Glenn Beck and Bernard Goldberg:
2009 Pittsburgh Police Shootings
2008 Knoxville Church Shootings

But we can't target them, you argue - they're American citizens, and have the right to freely express their opinions! All they do is talk!

Yes.

Just like Anwar al-Awlaki.

Probably right up to the moment the missile hit.

The Mark of Cain

2011-09-26T09:36:00.002-04:00

Straw polls don't mean much.

Back in the deeps of summer, Iowa held a straw poll. It was observed at the time that only the most dedicated, passionate, or just plain bullfruit crazy actually turn out to vote in a straw poll held at a state fair. It's so easy to get addled on deep-fried butter, it seems.

So the insane of Iowa chose Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann.

Last week, the GOP candidate field assembled in Florida for yet another round of useless circle jerking before the actual primaries begin next year. After the 'debate' (of which more later), another useless straw poll was held.

And Herman Cain, the jiveass preacher/former Godfather's Pizza CEO/bullgoose loony/'safe' Republican African-American candidate, won. By double digits over the next highest in the poll, (p)Rick Perry of Texas. The Romneybot came in third, and the rest of the field - well, they were insignificant before the vote, and they're insignificant afterward.

Yeah, we're in for a rough campaign season.

The M2C Sports Desk - 2011 Season!

2011-09-13T05:27:00.002-04:00

The 2011 NFL season started off with a bang, with last year's Super Bowl winner - the Green Bay Packers - beating the Saints on a Thursday night.

Things went crazy on Sunday when, amid the hoopla and solemnly overdone remembrance ceremonies for 9/11, the rest of the four teams in the NFC South failed to come away with a win. Of all the divisions in the league, only the NFC South came up goose-eggs.

Which made me laugh.

What made me laugh harder was that my favorite team, the Oakland Raiders, beat the Denver Broncos on a late Monday night game. The win breaks an opening-day losing streak going back to 2002 (which was the last year Oakland went to the Super Bowl) so the portents are good.

The Bucs and Cowboys and Miami lost. Hooray!

Question: What's the Difference Between 9/11 and a Cow?

2011-09-07T09:31:00.002-04:00

Answer: You can't keep milking the cow for ten years.

Black Tuesday was a tragedy. Yes, it was a crime perpetrated by people who deliberately put themselves beyond the pale of civilized behavior as we understand it. While the radical's motives were unjustifiable to us, their motives were perfectly justifiable to them. They shall not be revisited here, in the interest of brevity.

However, what happened after 9/11/01 was not a crime. It was worse. It was a mistake.

As the dust and debris settled, the rest of the world stood with us. Even Iran and the PLO, for Cthulhu's sake, supported us. NATO activated the collective security clause of the North Atlantic Treaty out of sympathy for our cause. As the injured party (and there is no doubt we were injured on that day) we had the moral high ground.

We squandered that moral position, so badly that now not even the British trust our motives unreservedly any longer - so much for the "special relationship." We beat down the Taliban in Afghanistan, and had al Qaeda pinned down in the Tora Bora region. Then, we took the eye off the prize and went haring off to attack Iraq.

We had no business attacking Iraq. Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, and none of the 19 hijackers were Iraqis (fourteen were Saudis, but we didn't invade Saudi Arabia for it). Saddam and Osama mutually loathed each other - Saddam considered Osama to be a religious extremist troublemaker, while Osama considered Saddam to be a socialist secularist apostate. I watched and listened to Colin Powell prostituting himself at the UN Security Council, and I was unconvinced that we had any casus belli in Iraq.

Shortly after we invaded Iraq, one of my coworkers (who gets all his news from Fox and Townhall.com) told me that we were at war and that I should shut up and follow the President. I pointed out that that's a pretty slavish and servile thing to do in a democracy, war or not - and besides, I asked, if we were truly at war, why weren't taxes up? Why weren't we conscripting? In response, he called me a liberal (which is wrong on several fronts).

We gave up our moral position, and frittered away the respect that we once enjoyed. And anyone will tell you that respect, once lost, takes a hell of a long time to gain back.

We borrowed, hand over fist, with ruinous consequences for our economy. Osama said himself that he didn't NEED to defeat the USA militarily - all he had to do was bleed us white economically. I will state, here and now, that he won that fight, with a lot of help from a bunch of greedy bastards in this country and in Europe.

We have stretched our military forces - the finest body of fighting men and women on Earth - to the breaking point and even beyond in some cases.

We have vomited up some of our most cherished ideals, including the idea that we can be secure in our homes, property, persons, etc. from government intrusion. We have willfully violated international treaties, which under our Constitution have the force and effect of Federal law.

And so matters stand, ten years on.

Ten years ago, I quoted Aeschylus: "Cry sorrow, sorrow - yet let Good prevail!"

Good has not prevailed.

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

2011-08-24T05:09:00.003-04:00

Not in peninsular Florida, no. The peninsula is essentially a vast sand bar with a stone spine.

But near the town of Mineral, Virginia, you're part of the ancient Appalachian Range. The Appalachians date back to before the dinosaurs, back when Europe and North America were one big landmass. The formerly active and lively faults under the mountains are fairly quiescent.

I said "fairly." A big (7.9 or so) hit Charleston, South Carolina back in the 1880s. Some of the houses in the historic district still have huge steel bolts in them, put in there to reinforce them after the earthquake.

Near the town of Trinidad, Colorado, on the other hand, you're near a far younger range of mountains, the Rockies. Tremors are more prevalent there, as the faults and tensions are much younger and livelier.

Early yesterday a magnitude 4.3 quake hit near Trinidad, causing minor damage to buildings but no major injuries. The Rockies and the West get tremors quite a bit of the time, as the Pacific Plate keeps nuzzling up against the North American Plate like an affectionate puppy.

Yesterday afternoon a magnitude 5.8 went off a half mile under the area of Mineral, Virginia. Since the Spotsylvania Fault is ancient and part of a very dense, rocky area, its effects were felt - not merely detectable, but felt - as far west as Detroit, as far south as Atlanta and as far north as Maine and Toronto.

The epicenter of the quake was located in Rep. Eric Cantor's district. The Republican is notable mainly because he advocates cutting funding for the US Geological Survey, NOAA and the National Weather Service. Kind of looks like a false economy now, doesn't it Eric?

A nuclear power plant is near the epicenter as well, regarded as the 7th most likely to be damaged in a quake. Interestingly, its earthquake safeguards were removed back in the Nineties as a cost-cutting measure. False economy again, and Dominion Power is still set on adding a third reactor to the complex.

Anyway.

The top of the Washington Monument has a crack in it, some plaster fell off the ceilings in the Capitol, and cell phone networks were swamped as people started asking, "What the hell was that?" The 5.8 was the strongest since 1944, according to NBC, so quite a few people can probably be forgiven for acting in a panicky mob.

But the earthquakes in Trinidad and Mineral aren't the only natural phenomena, oh no siree. Hurricane Irene has spooled up to a Category 2 as it boils its way up the Bahamas. The current track shows it will probably hit between Virginia and North Carolina.

Which - imagine that! - means that H Irene might hit Erica Cantor's district.

The Critic's Dungeon - "Conan the Barbarian"

2011-08-20T14:49:00.003-04:00

What is best in life?
To destroy your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
That is good, that is good.

Those are iconic words from the 1982 sword-and-sorcery flick Conan the Barbarian, starring the well-oiled Arnold Schwarzenegger and the properly crazy James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom.

You won't hear these words spoken on the 2011 remake, starring Jason Momoa in the lead role. There are also a shortage of bizarre foreign accents (apart from a weirdly tattooed guy who ends up on the business end of a trebuchet).

Now, Dustin Rowles over at Pajiba.com has recommended that you need to see this movie only after drinking heavily. I disagree with the properly scathing Mr. Rowles; scenes like this can be viewed sober (clip is NSFW for truly Peckinpahesque amounts of blood and violence):

With a caveat, of course. That caveat is the advice once found in the introduction to Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Repeat to yourself it's just a show, I should really just relax."

This film is rated R for extreme violence, so I went in at a noon matinee prepared to peel back my mammalian forebrain and let the craziness soak into my reptilian hindbrain. I was aghast, of course, at the $15.80 that it cost me to get in (along with a small soft drink and a paltry box of Sno-Caps). But that being said, I settled into a comfy seat to soak it up.

The scenery was great, although the actors kept getting in front of it. The CGI effects were fun (I didn't see it in 3D; my imagination is sufficient). There was enough tits and ass to satisfy the fanboys and fangirls, including a non-gratuitous shot of Momoa's well-muscled ass. There was sex - just a little, like a dab of picante sauce added to a feast of bloody rare meat.

And there was a lot of blood, I have to tell you. Ron Perlman, looking all craggy and shaggy, plays Conan's father until he dies in a rather original way. The chief baddie's a mensch named either Khalar Zym or Old Hardass. His daughter Marique is creepy as a child, and even creepier as a twenty-something, with a weird incestuous vibe going on. Midway through the movie I found myself wishing for a crossbow so I could take her out myself.

I found one glaring continuity error (just one? you ask), and it has to do with the weird-ass Mask of Ultimate Evil that Zym's searching for. See, the original was broken up and squirreled away in bits to keep assholes like Zym from putting it back together. Why didn't they try to destroy it? It seems like that would be easy, based on the last fight scene.

The Critic's Dungeon echoed with the screams of the tortured, the clank of chains greased with human fat, and my own manic laughter as I thoroughly enjoyed this little nugget.

Verdict? The Critic's Dungeon gives the Conan the Barbarian remake three whips out of five. It's not To Kill A Mockingbird, but then it's not The Sword and the Sorcerer either.

Iowa

2011-08-14T20:06:00.001-04:00

The Iowa straw poll is now history, and now that the dust and bits of straw and chaff have died down a bit I will stand back and take a look.

What I find is pretty damned bad, albeit predictable.

Mad-Eye Michelle Bachmann came in first, pretty much neck-and-neck with Ron Paul. Now, the Iowa straw poll really doesn't mean all that much in terms of figuring out who the eventual GOP nominee might be. Based on the people who show up and actually vote in the poll, it's more a test of how crazy the candidate might be. Based on this, Bachmann and Paul lap the rest of the field.

Coming in a sick third was Tim Pawlenty, who dropped out this afternoon. A queasy staff, piss-poor funding and a general lack of enthusiasm did T-Paw in.

For the rest of him, I will let the late Sir Ian Richardson as Francis Urquhart recite Pawlenty's eulogy:

So, there were eight, and now there are eight again, since Secessionist Governor of Texas Rick "Big Boy's Hair" Perry decided to listen to the voices in his head and start running for the Presidency. Perry is a decidedly scary reactionary buttfucker, and has some potential.

The rest of the field includes McCotter, Santorum, Gingrich, Cain, Romney and (as far as I know) Rosalie the Flatulent Spaniel. The true tests will come in about six months, when the actual caucuses and primaries begin to winnow out the chaff.

And believe you me, there's a lot of chaff to winnow.

What I Take Away From The Debt "Crisis" Circle Jerk

2011-08-11T06:09:00.003-04:00

1. President Obama is not particularly good at arguing from a position of strength. He was in a position to flog the Republicans unmercifully for running the economy and the nation into a ditch, but instead frittered it away, again in search of a pipe-dream illusion of bipartisanship. News flash, Barry: Ever since you were elected, these people have sworn - in public, with the cameras rolling - to say No at every opportunity and destroy you and your Presidency. It's too late now, but you should have started flogging them on January 21st, 2009.

2. The Democratic Leader of the Senate, Senator Harry Reid, was supposedly a boxer when he was younger. You can't prove it from the way he fights in the Senate - he acts like someone's old granny with severe arthritis. That's actually an insult to grannies; my late maternal grandmother was a mean little Irish lady who talked down a guy with a gun years ago.

3. Republican Speaker John Boner - er, Boehner - claimed victory, saying that he got 98% of what he wanted. Since he got 98% of what he wanted, he can also own the fallout from the debt agreement. And his Party, in both houses, shares in that stupid declaration. Way to go, you fucking Oompa-Loompah.

4. We can pretty much ignore Standard and Poors, even after their mystical downgrade of our credit rating from AAA to AA+. We have to recall, folks, that these were the scumbags who assured us on a stack of Korans that the mortgage derivatives and securities swaps and other pieces of paper with strange cabalistic designs on them were actually AAA-rated, solid gold and crusted with diamonds. S&P and Moodys all needed to be rounded up and shuffled off in manacles to Gitmo as economic terrorists.

5. As long as the Republican Party continues to totally and utterly fail to face reality when it comes to raising revenue (and the Democratic Party is more than happy to drop trou and bend over for them) the economy will remain in a ditch. Chances are excellent that our troubles will exacerbate the queasiness of the economies throughout the rest of the world.

6. In the Great 2011 Debt Crisis Circle Jerk, the targets of the bukkake were all of us.

Even in the Past

2011-07-28T08:13:00.000-04:00

see more Historic LOL

The Debt Crisis - A German View

2011-07-28T06:26:00.002-04:00

I enjoy reading The Rude Pundit, because he doesn't mince words and uses his vocabulary at full, vulgar throat to express his displeasure with things as they are.

I also enjoy reading him for some of the links he tosses into his posts.

The German magazine Der Spiegel weighed in on the debate now raging in DC, collecting views from a broad cross-section of ideologies in Germany. This article was put up on July 15th, and here's what was said:

Bild: "Most importantly, the Republicans have turned a dispute over a technicality into a religious war, which no longer has any relation to a reasonable dispute between the elected government and the opposition." (Mass-circulation)

Die Welt: "The influence of the Tea Party movement … can not be overestimated. … The movement sees traditional politics as corrupt and regards Washington as a den of iniquity. … They see the other side as their enemy. Negotiations with the Democrats, whether it's about appointing a judge or the insolvency of the United States, are only successful if the enemy is defeated. Compromise, they feel, is a sign of weakness and cowardice." (Conservative)

Süddeutsche Zeitung: "The Republicans are playing with fire. Nobody can imagine what the repercussions might be if the unthinkable happens and the US is suddenly no longer a safe haven for investors." (Center-left)

Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung: "A US default and a lower credit rating would … send stock prices through the floor and could choke off America's economic recovery -- with global repercussions. The politicians in Washington are playing with fire." (Center-right)

***

Now, the BBC is reporting (July 28th) that the markets will basically force the government of the United States to knuckle under and get things done. It's going to be hard, with Boehner facing a near-open civil war within his own ranks and even the Chamber of Commerce starting to have a serious case of buyer's remorse regarding the Tea Party bums they supported back in 2010.

The rest of the world watches, and worries.

First and Ten, Ball on the Twenty

2011-07-24T12:21:00.002-04:00

We're getting closer and closer to a resolution to the collective bargaining kerfuffle between the National Football League and the NFL Player's Association, so a football metaphor is apt to start this post.

But we're not talking football, dear readers. No indeed.

I'm talking about the negotiations between the two branches of our government concerning the debt limit.

The House Republican caucus, clinging to the anti-tax dogma like fanatics clinging to Holy Writ, haven't really changed their position a bit, despite the Democratic attempts to edge them closer to a compromise by offering changes in Medicare and Social Security. Which is stupid, since Social Security has no impact whatever on the national debt and never did (Social Security is funded by payroll taxes - more about that a touch later).

House Speaker Boehner has gone so far as to offer a two-step solution - a short term hike in the debt limit now, with additional hikes and spending cuts to be determined by a special bipartisan commission. Recommendations made by that commission would be voted up or down by the rest of the Congress, with no amendments permitted.

Boehner's skin dye has obviously affected his brain here. How does he expect something like that to break the current deadlock if the underlying ideology of his Party remains so fatally flawed?

We may have to face facts here, people - we are a First World nation, beset by Third World political gridlock. To quote the British Business Secretary, Vince Cable, "right wing nutters" have taken over the GOP, with dire consequences for our nation and the world economy.

The deadline's August 2.

So we're at first and ten, ball's on the twenty, and we have a minute left on the clock. Do we continue to slog, or is it time for a Hail Mary?

(Now, regarding Social Security: Hey kids! Did you know that if you earn more than $106,800 or so a year you pay little or no payroll taxes into Social Security? It's true! If that ceiling were lifted, Social Security would be solvent for decades. Which is why, naturally, it won't even be considered.)

Albany County Jail: Escape Attempt Set to "Yakety Sax"

2011-07-22T17:31:00.001-04:00

Economic Terrorism

2011-07-22T07:11:00.002-04:00

Or, why Grover Norquist should be wetting his pants.

Remember the USAPATRIOT Act? That draconian little bit of foofaraw the US Congress passed in a fevered panic in the days after September 11th?

(He said September 11th! Everyone take a drink!)

I wish to direct the reader's attention to Section 802 of the Act, which redefines "domestic terrorism." Specifically, Section 802 modifies Section 2331 of title 18, United States Code, paragraph (4) to include the following definitions of domestic terrorism:

`(B) appear to be intended--

`(ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or

`(iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping; and

`(C) occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States.'.

Now, if the activities, speeches, pontifications and literary musings of Grover Norquist fit the above definitions:

(ii) He has constantly sought to aggrandize the rich at the expense of everyone else by intimidating and coercing elected representatives of the people of the United States, including candidates for the Presidency, into refusing to face reality and increase taxes on those best situated to pay them;

(iii) He has sought to affect the conduct of the government by the mass economic destruction his ruinous anti-tax policies would cause.

(C) And all of this takes place right here in the good old US of A.

What should be done?

My opinion is that Mr. Norquist needs to take a nice vacation somewhere.

I hear that Guantanamo Bay is nice this time of year.

The Last Time

2011-07-21T05:53:00.003-04:00

I was watching NASA TV, as Shuttle Atlantis descended to its final landing.

My house shook, twice.

I was momentarily startled, as I had thought that Atlantis was too far south for its transition to subsonic speeds to be heard.

This will be the last time that solid 'double-tap' sonic boom will be heard.

As I watched, the ghostly infrared image descended, getting closer and closer to its landing strip, and my heart ascended to my throat as it flared out, wheels extended ...

And it touched down.

Welcome home, Atlantis.

The Shuttle Transportation System program is over.

A Last Imperial Funeral

2011-07-20T06:42:00.003-04:00

I found this rather affecting.

Otto von Habsburg died last week at age 98. He was the Pretender to the thrones of Austria and Hungary (and many other states) since 1922.

A proponent of European federalism and a devout Catholic, Otto had what was probably the last Imperial funeral to be held in Vienna. But as the coffin, decked in the old Imperial flag bearing the family arms, neared the Capuchin Church of Vienna the doors were shut and locked.

A chamberlain announced him, giving his full Imperial style in pretense.

The monk said, "We know him not."

The chamberlain announced Otto again, giving his academic credentials.

The monk said, "We know him not."

The chamberlain announced Otto, "A mortal and a sinner."

And the doors were opened.

July the Twentieth

2011-07-20T06:21:00.000-04:00

"Here Men From The Planet Earth First Set Foot Upon the Moon, July 1969 A.D. We Came in Peace For All Mankind."

The Debt Ceiling and Executive Fiat

2011-07-20T05:50:00.003-04:00

"The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, . . . shall not be questioned."
- United States Constitution, 14th Amendment, Section 4.

A very long time ago, the United States had a debt problem. You see, it owed a boatload of money to the nations that had aided it in shaking off British rule - France, Spain, and the Dutch Republic - and was having trouble paying. The Secretary of the Treasury, a guy named Alexander Hamilton, hit upon an idea.

Embrace the debt, borrow money off that debt and set up a line of credit. In a trice, America had a functioning economy and was on its way to establishing a balance of trade with the rest of the world.

Okay, it's a gross oversimplification, but it gets the damned point across.

After the Civil War, we faced another debt problem. The Confederacy had borrowed money, and had racked up debts with Britain and France. Since these were states in rebellion, we didn't want to have to pay the CSA's debt back.

Hence Section Four of the Fourteenth Amendment. The redacted bit in the quote cited above sets that exception in Constitutional stone - the traitors' debts will not be paid, and will not be considered valid. I'm sure it pissed off both London and Paris, but fuck 'em for backing the wrong horse.

So, let's fast forward to today.

We're facing a problem with the debt ceiling now. The US debt ceiling's an artificial line drawn in thin air and on ledgers, and is usually raised without a murmur by the US House of Representatives - which has the power of the purse anyway, so the Executive Branch has historically been quite happy to leave them to it.

During the Bush Administration, the Congress raised the debt limit three damned times, and Devil take the budget deficit. Vice President Cheney is even on record saying that "Reagan proved deficits don't matter."

So what's the hubbub now?

Two words. Tea. Party.

The Teabagger faction in the GOP has their collective testes resting on John Boehner's forehead right now. If he tries anything he'll face an open revolt in his own caucus as well as a possible coup by Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor. So far, he's managed to stave off this denouement.

The House passed a Teabagger wad of phlegm yesterday that would cut social spending benefits, cap any possible tax increase (because Lord knows the richest 1% all need new Rolls Royces) and force a balanced budget amendment. The bill - passed on party lines, of course - now goes to that beehive of activity, the Senate. Obama's already declared he'll veto it.

So, the Legislative Branch is largely paralyzed by partisan gridlock.

Which leaves the Executive to act.

I forget who suggested it, but the legal precedent for the President to act by fiat and disregard the Congress of the United States was established by the legal lights of the former Administration. That would be the George W Bush Administration, by the way - the one that many conservatives would rather you forgot about.

The concept's known as The Unitary Executive. The door was opened; all Obama has to do is walk through it.

Bill Clinton actually said that he'd urge Obama to do it and let the courts hash it out. It'd be quite simple; a brief Executive Order directing the Treasury to raise the debt limit by such-and-such amount. The markets would breathe a sigh of relief, the rest of the world will be happy, and the Teabaggers will foam at the mouth.

Everyone wins!

"We have seen the best of our time:

2011-07-14T08:22:00.001-04:00

machinations, hollowness, treachery, and all
ruinous disorders, follow us disquietly to our
graves."

Shakespeare, King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

Well, Duh ...

2011-07-08T12:58:00.005-04:00

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Mullen, is a very busy man. What with two full wars and three JBE ('just bomb 'em') operations on his plate, there's probably very few hours in the day.

But he did make time to have lunch with reporters at the Pentagon - that five-sided Monument to Murphy's Law.

Admiral Mullen told the reporters that there is evidence that the Islamic Republic of Iran is supplying increasing amounts on increasingly more sophisticated weapons to Shiite militias in Iraq - weapons, of course, that these same militias are using to attack the American troops that are still in that country after combat operations have supposed to have ended.

One has to wonder if any of the reporters was heard to say, "Well, DUH" to the distinguished admiral.

Prior to 2003, the two biggest military powers in Southwest Asia were Iraq and Iran. Back in the Eighties we supplied Iraq with weapons in the hope that the Saddam regime would be a counterweight to the ayatollahs in Tehran. All that changed when we invaded and occupied Iraq.

I've said repeatedly, over the years, that the only real winner in this war was Iran. We can't stay there forever, and the al-Maliki Government in Baghdad is just as Shiite as Iran's. We have already strained our military and our economy to the breaking point and likely beyond even that, so we cannot continue to be the counterweight, nor can we reasonably expect the other powers in the area (Turkey, Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States) to step up.

And no, don't even think of mentioning Israel. Saudi Arabia relying on Israel to protect it against Iran? Quelle idee! The Saudis have already announced their intentions to build nukes if Iran does, and Tehran's announced the construction of hardened missile silos.

All we can do is watch.

And listen to our military leadership say things that we knew years ago, and expect us to think that it's an original notion.

I Wept A Bit Today

2011-07-08T12:55:00.001-04:00

Here's why.

"Dyes and Gulls" - Chapter 2

2011-07-02T08:28:00.001-04:00

Dyes and Gulls
© 2011 by Walter D. Reimer
Two.
July 15, 1938:
George hadn’t waited around.
As soon as the term ended he had all their equipment packed up and waiting. Laura checked it over, and even after setting aside some nonessential items it still looked like an impressive pile of gear. Everything else had already been arranged, and Robbie was at her sister’s house already.
The Qantas Empire Airways DeHavilland biplane circled the port city of Darwin before coming in for a landing at the small town’s airport. Visible in the harbor was their connecting flight, a brand-new Short flying boat that would take them to Singapore.
“Ah! Will you look down there, Laura?” George enthused. “There’s a fine piece of frontier town for ya!”
“Yes, just lovely,” she said. “I’m just thankful we’ll have running water and – maybe – no blowflies in the dunny.”
“Just remember your flyswatter.”
“I’ll give you a swat.” She gave him a gentle slap on the muzzle and the two kissed. It was hard to stay mad at him – she knew that from long experience. Fights and arguments between them were fairly common, which made making up all the sweeter.
Their itinerary was arranged around the flying boat’s schedule, and it wasn’t due to leave until the next morning. They already had a room reserved at the Commonwealth Hotel in the town for the night, and the airline transferred the bulk of their gear to the seaplane in the harbor.
It was just as well that they were spending the night. It started raining shortly after they arrived at the hotel, and showed no sign of letting up.
“Nice place,” George commented that night as they had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. He spoke around a mouthful of food, swallowed it and added, “Ain’t it?”
Laura sipped at her glass of beer. “I suppose so. But there’s no beating Sydney, dear. All the modern conveniences – “
“Ah, but here, Laura! The outback and the raw, pristine wilderness is right here!” George said enthusiastically. “All you have to do is step out and you’re in it up to your neck!”
She nodded, conceding the point.
Shouts and laughter from the hotel’s bar drew their attention, and Laura flagged down the eatery’s only waiter. “What’s going on in there?”
“Oh, I ‘spect it’s only the weekly contest, love,” the waiter said. The wombat hitched up his apron and added, “They’s always in here on a Friday. Pay night, y’see, but it’ll be orright.”
“Well, what are they doing in there?”
The wombat shrugged. “Same things they be doin’ every time,” and went about his business.
George tossed back the last of his beer and said, “I’ll go see. Coming with me, Laura?”
The ‘roo femme nodded. Exploration was all about being curious, and from the noises coming from the bar people were having a good time. They settled the bill and went into the bar.
The hotel bar was crowded with men apparently just done with work in the fields or at the various businesses in Darwin, dressed in faded dungarees and work shirts, a few wearing hats and all with pint glasses in their paws. There was a thick fog of cigarette smoke and musks in the air that gave the scene a slightly misty look.
There seemed to be two centers of attention (three if one counted the bar itself, which was doing brisk business); the dart board, and a small table where a large cluster of men stood, cheering and exchanging punches and wads of crumpled banknotes.
The two kangaroos bought beers at the bar and George walked up to the crowd at the table. He nudged another ‘roo about his size and asked, “What’s going on here, mate?”
The man turned and grinned at him. “Arm wrestlin’, mate. Lil’ Jimmy’s takin’ on all comers.” As if to punctuate his statement there was a sudden “Oof!” and the sound of flesh slapping wood, and the crowd whooped and cheered. “He’s won ten times inna row now.”
“All comers, eh?”
The ‘roo looked George over. “Care to try him out, mate?”
“Sure.” He fished a pound note from a pocket as Laura’s eyes went wide. She shook her head and walked back to the bar.
“Orright.” The ‘roo raised his voice. “’Ere, Jimmy, I got a guy here says he wants a go!”
Heads turned and the crowd parted a bit to revealed a stockily-built crocodile dressed in ragged trousers and a torn undershirt pausing in the act of downing another pint of beer. A stack of notes and coins sat at one corner of the battered table. The man belched and drew a scaly paw across his mouth before saying in a deep gruff voice, “Who is he, mate?”
George raised a paw and made his way through the crowd. “Name’s George Patagarang,” he said, offering a paw.
Jimmy looked at the paw and took it. “Jim.”
The two settled down facing each other, seated at the table. George took his shirt off and flexed a bit as the betting started.
The croc cracked his knuckles. “Ya ain’t from ‘round here, mate.”
“Right. Sydney.”
“Um, city boy. Promise I won’t hurt ya.” The two clasped paws and settled their elbows amid the puddles of spilled beer on the table. A few onlookers studied the elbows to make sure they were properly placed, and the match was on.
Standing by the bar, Laura was able to watch her husband as his back muscles flexed under his fur from the strain. Despite her doing all of the heavy lifting when they were on expeditions, George really was in excellent shape (which she could attest to, whether under oath or not). He was certainly holding his own against Jimmy, who was apparently unable to budge the kangaroo’s paw.
After several tense seconds of stalemate, George’s arm started to move forward as he bared his teeth. The movement was slow, but it was enough to make the hometown crowd start cheering on their favorite even as more money changed paws. Jimmy put on an extra burst of effort but all he succeeded in doing was bringing their arms back vertical.
Another few seconds and George started bringing his arm down again, fighting against the crocodile’s strength. One fur dropped to his knees and eyed the table, watching for any sign of knuckles striking wood.
A groan went up as the kneeling man signaled that George had taken Jimmy’s arm the rest of the way down. George released his grip and, massaging feeling back into his paw, offered a pawshake to the croc. “Good match, m – “
Jimmy slugged him.
The force of the blow sent the kangaroo staggering backward and through one of the bar’s windows, landing in a heap in the rainswept street amid a litter of broken glass.
Cheers arose as Jimmy walked to the window and said gruffly, “Yer fallen in the water, mate.”
The kangaroo that George had first spoken to said cheerfully, “Forgot to tell ya, mate. Jimmy’s a bit of a sore loser.”
Laura sighed, drained her glass of beer and started to hunt for the bar’s manager to pay the cost of the broken window.

***

The hotel very thoughtfully provided a strip of beefsteak for George’s eye.
But still charged the full replacement cost for the broken window. Laura paid it, and the next morning cabled for additional funds to be waiting for them when they arrived at the next stop on their journey.
Unfortunately, the weather was still not cooperating, so the Imperial Airways plane had to set down not at its usual destination but at the secondary landing dock at nearby Humapore. The representative for the airline expressed his regret at the delay, but assured the passengers that they would be leaving on time.
“Suits me,” Laura said as they climbed into a pedicab. George spoke to the driver in Malay, and the binturong started pedaling to their hotel. “Ever notice, George, we don’t seem to have much luck in Singapore?”
“Nonsense!” her husband declared. “What about that time I found that artifact in the jungles? Y’know, the one up in the mainland?”
“Yeah, there was that.” The artifact in question was a priceless piece of sculpture from an earlier Malay civilization. George had, as usual, gone after it like a bloodhound on a scent, leaving Laura much to her own devices.
Laura allowed herself a smile, thinking back to a rather humid tropical night and that well-muscled luak.
That, she reflected, had truly been a voyage of discovery.

***

Manila Bay passed beneath them in a haze of sunshine as the plane banked into its landing pattern. The harbor below was filled with shipping and warships lay at anchor at the naval base at Cavite.
“Looks a right smart place from up here,” George said, face pressed to the plane’s window.
“Looks like it, yeah,” Laura said behind him. Of course, she couldn’t see, not that it mattered. The flying boat had hit turbulence over Indo-China and her stomach still felt a bit woozy. “I’ll feel better when I feel good solid earth under my feet,” she added.
“That’s the spirit, love!” he said. “Always on the lookout for a new adventure!”
“Whatever you say.”
That night, with Laura feeling better, they took a cab south to the outskirts of the city. Not the largely American enclave of Olangapo, but the slightly wealthier suburb of Olangapo-Anfarawei, where (their hotel’s concierge had assured them) there was an excellent American restaurant.
Laura rather doubted that, having eaten in Gnu York City before trekking into the remotest Catskills with George in search of the Lost Mazel of Schlemiel. Items such as ‘hot dogs’ were a poor substitute for proper sausages.
Even with mustard.
Fortunately the menu included other choices like steak, and the restaurant’s amenities sported a full dance floor. While they ate, American and other military officers and their wives either dined or danced to tunes supplied by the Filipino band.
Laura was sipping at her wine when two paws abruptly covered her eyes. “Guess who?”
She put her glass down carefully as George chuckled and ran her paws over the ones covering her eyes. “Hmm, let me see,” she said. “I have it! You can’t be no other than Old Salty, from the Rusty Nail Bar! What are ya doing so far north of Sydney, mate?”
“Hah!” The paws were whisked away and she turned to see a short, stocky canine with black and white fur and wearing a cheap suit and tie. “Ya knew damned well who it was, Missy.” He kissed her cheek before shaking paws with George. “What are you two doing here?”
“Headed to Spontoon, Igor,” George replied. “How about you?”
The Anglo-Russian husky-terrier laughed. “I’m headed up into the mountains here on Luzon,” Igor Blymee said happily. “My guide Culio tells me there’s a village up in the mountains that worship strange gods.” The veteran member of PRICK grinned. “Nothing like the opportunity to expand our knowledge of the bizarre.”
Laura and George exchanged looks. Igor had recently returned from the Soviet Union, where his expertise in finding lost artifacts and civilizations was welcomed, along with his known Communist sympathies. He was, quite simply, black and white and Red all over.
Igor made his farewells and made his way out of the restaurant, edging past a Filipino Navy officer and his wife. The ship’s riband on his uniform announced that the commander was an officer aboard the Commonwealth’s biggest ship, the light cruiser Aguinaldo.
Several Americans, noses in air, signaled for their checks. Others led their wives out onto the dance floor as the bandleader announced a good old-fashioned square dance.
Laura’s ears hiked up as she watched the dancing. George was sipping at his beer. “Um, Skippy, love.”
“Hmm?”
“You might want to move yer chair, sport.”
“Oh?”
“They’re dancin’ mighty close to the – “
She never finished the sentence as one burly U.S. Navy lieutenant, a buffalo, swung his partner, a thin mouse, with enough force to make her feet come off the floor.
Her heels struck George a solid blow to the head, and he flew out of the chair onto the floor.
A small crowd gathered as the dancers moved off to the side and the band played on.
Laura was out of her chair and kneeling beside her husband. “George? George! Speak to me, love,” she urged, patting his cheek.
“Mnngh . . . huh? What? Laura?”
She glanced up at the onlookers. “He’ll be orright. Take more than a mouse to the bonce to knock my husband out cold.” The crowd started to disperse and Laura helped him up to a seated position. “Trust you to lead with your head again, silly darling.”
“Did I at least win the fight?” he asked blearily.

Public Service Announcement

2011-06-29T06:23:00.001-04:00

Are you a Tea Partier?

Are you a Libertarian?

Are you a Randite, despite not knowing anything about Ayn Rand's anti-religious, anti-poor, hypocritical philosophy?

Then this message is for YOU!

A Saturday In Which I Find Myself Rather Pleased

2011-06-25T12:24:00.000-04:00

Why is this, you may ask?

Why indeed.

1. The rainy season has cranked up down here in America's Soft Dangling Bits, promising several months of me not having to run up my water bill. But that's not all.

2. In a triumph for human rights and 42 years after the Stonewall Riots, the Empire State of New York legalized same-gender marriage. This acme of common sense is all the more amazing when you realize that the NY Senate has a GOP majority, and four of them jumped the aisle so that people who are in loving, committed relationships can jump the broom legally. Hurrah for New York!

3. Newt Gingrich continues to implode. Hooray!

All in all, a good Saturday so far.

Cheers!

Obligatory Friday Sex Post

2011-06-24T07:19:00.001-04:00

Summer time edition!

It's Summer, dear readers - time for fun in the sun, backyard barbecues, swimming, lounging on the beach ...

But, apparently, not the right time for some activities.

A couple were sunning on the beach at Treasure Island, Florida a couple of days ago when the combination of sun, sand and the slow pulse of the waves made them a tad ... shall we say ... frisky?

Unfortunately, they chose to perform certain acts (the article doesn't specify what, but said acts may have included the Horizontal Mambo, the Bolivian Porkpie and maybe even the Albanian Triple Twist) in full view of a popular restaurant that overlooked the beach.

During a meal.

With kids watching.

Obviously, the two lovebirds were arrested, and are now out on bond.

Moral: If the mood strikes, find a private beach or get a room. Just don't do it in public, or you may frighten more than just the horses.

Dear Mitt Romney,

2011-06-16T14:00:00.003-04:00

Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck your Magic Mormon temple garment, and - never mind. Just fuck you.

You were down in Tampa yesterday, and the ripple you sent through the dark side of the Force kept my teeth aching the entire time you were here. Now you're gone, but like a sour beer fart, your evil essence lingers on.

You took a chair at a coffee shop and had a chat with a group of unemployed people. After listening to their plight and their stories, you decided to stick your oar in, and joked that you were unemployed as well. I'm reasonably certain that the jobless at the table laughed along out of politeness.

I would not have been polite.

Mitt, you made your fortune by doing leveraged buyouts that savaged companies and threw hard-working men and women out of work and onto the very same social safety net you and your fellow beauty pageant contestants are seeking to destroy.

You joked you are unemployed. You're rich, you asshole - you can easily afford to take a few years off and loll about in the sunshine while you think of new ways to divert yourself. How many houses do you have? Is it true you'd sell your wife to a Port Said pimp if it'd net you a profit?

Your father was an evil bastard, Mitt. During the 1969 Inaugural, crowds chanted "Romney eats shit! Romney eats shit!" as his limo rolled past. Nice to see that Evil Bastardy runs in your family - I shudder to think how your sons will eventually turn out.

I wasn't going to vote for you anyway, Mittens, but I hope that the primary process makes you feel some empathy with the dog you had on the roof of your car.

Just my two cents.

The GOP Beauty Contest Begins!

2011-06-15T06:36:00.002-04:00

And, as always, it begins with a standard Question and Answer period. It's always important to note, however, that sometimes the questions and answers are canned, so as not to embarrass the contestants.

First off, we shall set the appropriate tone by playing the Anthem of the Republican Party of the United States:

Since they all look generally the same (even the black man and the white woman) we'll boil the summary down to the topics discussed:

1. Abortion: They're all against it, completely, utterly and perpetually. Nothing is to stand in the way of the fetus' emergence into this breathing world, not even the possible death of its mother. The nitty-gritty of this is that the candidates think women are stupid and can't be trusted to make decisions regarding their reproductive machinery. And yes, I include La Bachmann in that statement.

2. Defense: All for it, although Mad-Eye Michelle's position that we should invade countries that don't bother us and we have to have a clear plan sort of falls flat when you consider Iraq.

3. Jobs: Deafening silence, apart from ... Lower Taxes! That'll work!

4. Economy: Lower Taxes! Cut Spending! And then it became a race to the bottom, with Pawlenty advocating lowering the top rate for the rich to a stupid-making 9%. Timmy also gets low marks for touting a completely blitheringly idiotic 5% GDP growth rate for ten years - something that has never happened in American history.

5. Health care: Ryancare good! Obamacare bad! And Pawlenty loses points for not confronting Romney on the parallels between the PPACA and the Massachusetts plans.

6. Foreign policy: Umm, no. Unwavering, unreasoning blind support for Israel. Even if they start dressing up in fancy uniforms and imposing apartheid on the Israeli Arabs and the Palestinians. Even if Israel nukes Iran.

So there you have it - the entire (as of two days ago) GOP field, emptied, steamed, whipped into a fondue and lovingly garnished with lark's vomit. Their positions range from mild-eyebrow-raising to completely insane, and not a whole hell of a lot of difference between them.

I'll say one thing, though - I refuse to sit through the bathing suit phase of the competition.

"Dyes and Gulls" - Chapter 1

2011-06-06T20:51:00.001-04:00

Dyes and Gulls

One.

University of Woolloomooloo, Australia

April 1, 1938:

“Lemuria!”

This exclamation was accompanied by the banging of the small house’s screen door as it slammed shut. The sound failed to wake little Robbie, who was lying in his crib not ten feet away.

At nearly two years old, he was used to it by now.

Laura Patagarang, seated beside the crib, looked up from her copy of See! Magazine. She took her attention away from the leading article (‘How I Survive My Marriage’ by ‘L.P.’) with some difficulty before focusing on her husband. “What, George?” the brown-furred kangaroo asked. “Have you been on to the doctor again?”

George Patagarang blinked at her. “What, love?” he asked in a confused tone.

“Well, you said ‘lemuria.’ I hope they can vaccinate you for it. And do stay away from the baby, please. It might be catching.”

Her mate blinked again, then laughed. “No, Laura, you got it all wrong. I was talking about Lemuria, the ancient lost kingdom of lemurs. I have a lead on where to find it.”

“Do you now?” Laura asked, going back to her magazine article.

“Yes, I do,” George said. “And I think we ought to head out to the Pacific immediately.”

One ear twitched and swiveled in his direction. “Pacific?”

“That’s where my lead says it is.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense that a lost kingdom of lemurs would be, say, near Madagascar or somewhere else in Africa?” she asked in a tone of voice that would make most respectable skeptics doubt the existence of Morris chairs. “I mean, lemurs are native to Africa – “

“Ah, but that’s what they’d want you to think,” George interrupted with an airy flip of his paw. “Simple misdirection! Classic!” He waved a sheaf of papers at her. “Crikey, if this ain’t the find of the century, I don’t know what is!”

Laura’s muzzle writhed momentarily as she bit her lower lip to keep from saying the obvious riposte aloud, and held out her paw for the papers. George gave them to her and headed for their bedroom, loudly declaiming about packing their tropical kit. With a sigh, the ‘roo started reading over the papers.

Halfway through the first page Laura put the papers down and rubbed the spot between her ears, momentarily disarranging her shoulder-length headfur. Her head usually started to hurt whenever her explorer husband (a graduate of the University’s Exploration College as well as the Paul Revere Institute for Concatenating Knowledge, where he was a frequent guest lecturer) got an idea in his head. Despite his reputation and the accolades given to him by PRICK, George could be a bit muddled at times.

“Laura love?” George suddenly poked his head into the room.

“Yes, dear?”

“Have you seen my solar topi anywhere? We’re going to need it.”

“I have it there, on the windowsill,” she said.

He bounded over, as kangaroos are sometimes wont to do, and pulled up short. “What’s with all this dirt in it?”

“Well, your mother sent those lovely flowers – it didn’t seem right to let them wither for lack of a flower pot . . .”

“Oh, very funny,” he grumbled at her as he unceremoniously dumped the contents of the pith helmet out of the open window. “Now I’ll have to clean it.”

“Just do it quietly. Robbie’s asleep. Um, George? About this lead you uncovered.”

“Yes?”

“Well, love, correct me if I’m wrong but one of these is a magazine article from Astounding Adventures Magazine.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” George said cheerfully. “Perfect cover to reveal a truth by hiding it in a fiction magazine, right?”

Laura sighed. When George got an idea in his head there wasn’t enough gelignite in the world to shift it. “Skippy,” she said patiently, using his nickname, “do you think it’s really wise to go pranging about the Pacific looking for a mythical kingdom that by all rights should be in Africa? Where is this ‘lead’ supposed to be, anyway?”

“Place called Gull Island,” he called out from the bedroom. There was a sound of suitcases being stuffed. “Again, a classic piece of deception.”

“Is it?”

“Sure, love! Any fool can see it – you run the words together and it becomes ‘GullAYEland,’” he said, stressing the second syllable. “And as everyone knows, an aye-aye is a type of lemur.”

Laura decided to let his implied assertion that she was a fool pass. She’d get back at him later for it, before letting him go to sleep.

She held a degree in Business and was in charge of the family’s money, after all. Under her watchful eye they didn’t have to worry about being thrown into the street. Little Robbie’s future education was being secured despite his father’s occasional manic dashes to other countries.

Being thrown out of the University faculty for willfully allowing her husband to be an idiot was another matter. Losing tenure was something she didn’t want to have happen.

With a sigh, Laura put aside the sheaf of papers and got up to help George pack.

***

The University’s College of Exploration was a small but prestigious part of the school. Applicants from several parts of the British Empire and the rest of the world vied for the few open student positions.

George’s classes were usually accounted an easy grade, as the kangaroo was easily distracted – although oddly enough, he was never distracted by a young femme’s charms, no matter how much or how blatantly she displayed them.

Laura approached the head of the college the next morning, and explained George’s plan.

Dr. John Eidelberger sighed when she finished. “You mean to tell me,” the ratel said wearily as he tossed his eyeglasses onto the desk, “that George wants to go leaping off when he’s already scheduled for classes this term? Yakimoto!” he shouted, and his Akita assistant looked around the half-open door. “How many classes is George Patagarang scheduled for?”

“Hee, Yakimoto t’ink George havee thlee crasses, Doctah Eiderbelgah,” the canine replied, squinting through his glasses.

“Dammit, Yakimoto! Will you stop talking pidgin?” Eidelberger snapped. “You and I both went to Oxford.”

“Sorry, mate,” the Akita said cheerfully. “We have a bunch of Americans coming through next week, so I decided to practice.”

“Practice somewhere else then,” the badger said grumpily. “Look, Laura, George’s got thlee – er, three classes – and we don’t have time to find a substitute before the end of term.”

“John, you know when he gets these ideas he just aches to go and look,” Laura said patiently. “What about Grayson? These classes are usually right up his street – like George, his specialty is finding lost civilizations.”

“True, but Grayson’s in New Guinea.”

“What’s he doing there?”

“Probably no good,” the ratel said. “He’s trying to make contact with the Ayon tribesmen and record their myths.”

“The Ayon?” Her brows knitted in thought and she abruptly raised her ears in shock. “Those are cannibals!”

“Too right. I only hope he’s not one for the pot by now.” Eidelberger glanced at a term paper on his desk. “Hmm. An Examination of Traditional Theories of the Atlantis Myth.” He scrawled ‘What a load of rubbish’ across the title page and dumped it into his OUT box. “Insolent puppy, that Farmer – hasn’t kept up on the literature. We found Atlantis two years ago.”

Laura nodded. “Whoever would have thought it’d be in England all this time.”

“East Finchley will never be the same,” Eidelberger agreed. The two paused to reflect on the adventure that had sent half of the college’s faculty to the mother country that chill winter.

“The problem is that George’s got three more classes – tell you what,” Laura said as she snapped her fingers. “We’ll do the classes all at once.”

The ratel blinked up at her. “What? Combine the three classes into one?” He thought it over and tapped his claws on the desk. “Might take some doing, but it’s possible. Think George will go along with it?”

“Never doubt the persuasive powers of a doe,” Laura replied with a cryptic smile.

***

“What the hell do you mean, ‘No?’” Laura demanded that evening after she got home. “Skippy!”

She said it her mate’s receding back again. George had apparently skipped out of doing his afternoon seminar (‘Contemporary Jungle Survival Techniques’) and had packed their tropical kit, up to and including the still and movie cameras. It made a surprisingly large pile in the middle of the living room floor.

Her heart sank. Lugging all that gear was a chore, even though it made for great muscle definition and could give her an edge in a fight. The University’s School of Business was renowned for bare-knuckle capitalist theories.

Papers on the dining room table indicated that the power was being cut off, along with the water and mail service. A stack of sealed envelopes sat near the papers, addressed to various friends, relatives, scientific organizations and magazines.

Laura estimated that George had spent nearly two pounds on stamps alone.

A small ledger in the back of her head scrawled a figure in red ink.

“I said No, Laura,” George said from the bathroom.

“You can’t back out, you slacktailed boomer. John’s told me that if you bow out now, you can forget any funding and you can definitely forget coming back this time.”

He frowned at her. “John would never do that!”

“Care to bet on that? Besides, he’s got the trustees on his side, along with Barry.”

George blinked. “Barry?”

“Yes. The head of PRICK himself. The Institute’s backing the College on this one, George – either you do this seminar or you get no funding.” She tapped a foot. “Ever again.” She started going through the outgoing mail and looked up at him when she finished examining the pile. “Oh, and another thing.”

“What?” he asked in a surly tone.

“I don’t see anything here about a babysitter for Robbie.”

“Robbie? I thought we could take him with us. Get started on a family tradition, you know – “

“He’s not even two yet!”

“Nothing like starting a joey out early,” he said, huffing a snort through his nostrils. “My old Dad used to take me camping up in the Blue Mountains when I was still a babe in pouch.”

“I know. Your Dad was a philosopher.”

“So? He knew the outdoors too.”

Laura suppressed the idea of asking him how many bushfires got started as a result of his family camping trips, and asked instead, “Who do you think we should have look after Robbie?”

Her quiet tone of voice brought her mate up short and he thought it over. “My Mum?”

“Your Mum spends all her time at the bingo.”

“Your folks, then.”

“You know Father’s been in hospital. Mum’s taking care of him.” She looked at him, eyes narrowed. “We could talk to my sister.”

Now it was George’s turn to frown. “Doris? Never.”

“Why the hell not? She’s got two kids of her own, near Robbie’s age – “

“She doesn’t like me.”

Laura let this pass. “Look, you do this my way, George. You have a seminar to give, and I’ll talk to Doris. After the end of term, we go.”

“And if I say no?”

“Then I go home to Mother, with Robbie, and you can lug all that stuff on your own.” She left the implicit threat hanging, forcing him to think it over.

Finally his tail hit the floor and he threw up his paws. “Fine!” He stomped out of the room, and Laura smiled.

Never underestimate the persuasive power of a doe.

Some Cuteness for Lunch

2011-06-06T12:53:00.001-04:00

see more Daily Squee

The Sound of Heads Exploding is Sweet Music to My Ears

2011-06-06T12:49:00.001-04:00

I tell you the story of Adam Pearlman.

He was born in the Jewish faith, to parents who converted to evangelical Christianity (and changed the family name to Gadahn). Well, young Adam went in another direction.

He converted to Islam, joined al Qaeda, and is now the group's internet maven.

Adam has sent out a video recently, exhorting American Muslims and prospective jihadis to not wait for any organized terrorist group to point the way. Oh no. Adam is telling people to seek a Second Amendment alternative.

And now we come to the reason behind the title.

The National Rifle Association, one of the most powerful terrorist organizations in the United States, regularly browbeats and bullies our elected representatives into allowing the fullest availability of guns to everyone - lunatics, racists, militias, "sovereign citizens," Mexican drug cartels, etc. And how have they done this?

Gun shows, where you don't need no stinking background check to spoil your fun. Heck, in some places you don't even need two forms of identification - that would be a violation of your rights, you know.

The exploding heads are those of the NRA, who are seeing their adamant refusal to allow anything but the most superficial fig leaves for gun control turn into carte blanche for Mexican druggies, Muslim jihadis and just plain screwballs to get all the guns they want so they can drop by the mall and shoot the place up.

It's a forlorn hope that this video didn't reach any susceptible minds, but it's just like the venomous bilge spewed by the likes of Glenn Beck. The susceptible minds are out there, just waiting for the Propaganda of the Word to trigger them into the Deed.

The Welfare Dad and Ol' Crazy Eyes

2011-05-28T11:29:00.003-04:00

Watching the Republican field of candidates assembling and congealing is a bit like watching a train wreck in very slow motion. You can really catch the small details and fiddly bits that you might not see under ordinary circumstances.

Right now, the latest ones playing stupid-coy with the fans and the various wings of the Party (they're all right wings, so the bird doesn't soar like an eagle - it flops around, more or less, and won't get airborne to save its life) are Rick Perry of Texas and Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann of Minnesota.

Why are all the really stupid Republican governors named Rick? We have Rick "Fuck the Unions" Walker up in Wisconsin, Rick "Fuck the Teachers" Scott in Florida, and here's Rick "Fuck the USA" Perry.

Why does Rick Perry hate the United States of America? Well, back during the summer of 2009 Perry started playing footsie with those people in his state who think it'd be a wonderful idea to secede from the Union. This was surprising, for a number of reasons:

1. History teaches us that the last time a state seceded, it was a really bad time for said state.

2. Texas is one of those states that take in more revenue courtesy of the Federal government than they pay into Federal coffers in taxes. Secession, although popular with a certain segment of the Republicans in Texas, would be economic suicide.

However, it was politically popular for The Hair Boy, and enabled him to verbally lambaste "The Washington Liberals" while at the same time hiding the fact that the so-called 'Texas Miracle' was so much smoke, mirrors and the stink of cooked books. Texas has a budget deficit variously estimated but could be as high as $26 Billion dollars (think California with stupider people).

Perry is mumbling about how God might be "calling" him to run. I say he needs to up the dosage on his hair gel, and try to scotch those prevalent rumors that he's actually queer as a three dollar bill.

***

Back during the 1980 campaign, comedians remarked on the glassy, adoring gaze Nancy Reagan always seemed to be throwing at Ronnie. That has become a standard Republican look for women, but Bachmann take it to a whole new level.

It's been said that insanity can be caught from eye contact with crazy people. That's wrong, of course, but if you look too long at Michelle's eyes you start to feel that there might be a point to that old canard.

She's talking a big noise about God wanting her to run, which is odd - most of the candidates are assuming that the Big Guy wants them to run, when I'm sure the Big Guy would rather sit back and watch Vancouver win the Stanley Cup. However, she seems to be trying to emulate Sarah Palin.

Case in point: She was due to address the Polk County, Iowa GOP at their annual dinner. She didn't show up, apart from a badly done internet video. Most people in the hall were disappointed, a bunch left, and one guy called it a "disaster."

He's right. Michelle's a freaking disaster. She's so ignorant of history and the US Constitution that she's avoided challenges from a high school sophomore and a history professor rather than unveil the full scope and depth of her stupidity.

But the Republicans deserve them both.

And the train wreck continues.

Things that Make My Brain Hurt on a Monday

2011-05-23T13:30:00.003-04:00

There are times when I just want to yell that, very loudly.

Over at Crooks and Liars, there is a video clip of Sarah Palin holding forth to Jean Pirro on that woman's Fox 'News' show. As usual, Miss Clueless 2008 was holding forth about President Obama and here's what happened:

Hear that? Palin considers Obama to be our "temporary leader."

I wonder if the Half-Term Governor realized as she said this that ALL Presidents of the United States are temporary. It's a temp job that a person holds for a maximum of eight years (longer if you're Franklin Roosevelt).

I'm certain, though, that Obama won't just up and quit before his term's out ... like a certain female Governor of Alaska did.

Palin's said that she had the "fire in her belly" about running for President. My advice is to take some Prilosec and concentrate instead on how pissed off her daughter will be to find Mama Grizzly moving into the same state she lives in. Yeah, that's right, Sarah's considering moving to Arizona - until she discovers it's got a lot of non-white people who'll make her uncomfortable (just like it did when she attended (briefly) the University of Hawaii).

She's now an attention whore, pulling in scads of moolah from her book sales, speaking fees and her show on Fox, where even Roger Ailes considers her stupid.

If she runs, she could conceivably get nominated.

Consolidated Morons, Dimwits and Fools

2011-05-19T08:45:00.002-04:00

In other words, the Republican Party Presidential Candidates, Class of 2012.

If you put all of them together in one place at the same time, the combined weight of stupidity would cause them all to collapse in on themselves, compressing into a tiny cretinous singularity.

Newt Gingrich is probably wishing he stayed in bed rather than declare himself a candidate. On Bullshit the Press he opened his gaping piehole and said that he didn't support the Paul Ryan 'Path to Poverty' that would have gutted Medicare and replaced it with a voucher program that would not pay enough to cover medical costs. This would have the attractive benefit of slowly exterminating the same senior citizens who propelled Ryan and the Teabaggers into a House majority.

Fortunately people are waking up to it, and the yelling has started.

Gingrich has backpedaled, "folding like a cheap Democrat" as one lefty blogger remarked, and has vociferously denied he ever said that - to the point that he actually declared that if anyone quotes anything he said at that BStP airing is guilty of 'falsehood.' He also attacked the show's moderator, Dick Gregory, saying that he - poor, innocent babe-in-the-political-woods Newtie - was unprepared for Gregory's 'gotcha' questions.

Another person who inveighed against 'gotcha' questions, Sarah Palin, jumped to Newt's defense. She stated that Gregory was racist, apparently for repeating Gingrich's stupid assertion that Obama was a 'food stamp President.' The half-term Governor needs to feel as if she's still relevant, I guess.

Newt thought that his time had come, but sadly no. He's trying to run a 1994 campaign for 2012, and the Tea Party - who have seized the throat of the GOP and are worrying it like a terrier with a sock puppet - are not kind to heretics. Donors are fleeing Gingrich in a big way, so I don't give him much longer.

Former Senator Frothy Mixture Santorum had the gall to say that Senator Angry John McCain has no idea of what torture is. McCain, who was tortured for five years as a guest of the North Vietnamese government, let his aides handle his light work. One referred to Santorum as an idiot, I think - it might be a bit outre to refer him as a 'shit stain.'

Donald Trump is out as a candidate, which is a good thing. He had less gravitas than Ross Perot, but better hair.

The GOP is almost desperately casting about for a viable candidate, and some pundits think it could come down to Tim Pawlenty and Mitch Daniels. I've already discussed Pawlenty, and dismissed him as colorless (but he does seem to hire well - a number of his aides have criminal records), and all Daniels has going for him is he was GW Bush's budget director. You know, the guy who turned a $5 trillion surplus into a $5 trillion deficit in record time.

So things ought to be fun - at least, fun to watch.

Huckabee's Out. Republicans Decree Day of Mourning.

2011-05-15T10:33:00.005-04:00

Reverend-Governor Michael Huckabee announced last night that after examining all of the factors involved in running for President, he has decided that he will not run.

The factors naturally included the financial cost to the Reverend-Governor (his book sales, his gig with the GOP's propaganda arm, and the cost of building a vast McMansion down in Florida) but I'm sure that part of it was a frantic phone call from Rupert Murdoch, who probably begged Huckabee to not follow Rick Frothy Mixture out onto the hustings.

So why do I have the "Oy." poster up?

Because the Republican Party has lost the person who - so far - had headlined the GOP field for the Iowa caucuses. Which has the benefit of throwing the field into even greater disarray. Some analysts think that the greatest beneficiary - at least in Ioway, down where the tall corn grows - may be Michelle Bachmann (at least until she loses against a high school sophomore from New Jersey).

So the free for all will commence as the huge group of mental midgets, moral degenerates, empty suits, and complete lunatics known as "The Republican Presidential candidates" start vying for the votes of the Taliban Wing of the Party.

And as the vitriol begins to spew, and the name-calling and negativity increase, the Party's Establishment (such as it is) will simply put palm to face.

And say "Oy."

Which leads me to another "Oy" Moment for the GOP.

Wrinkled Libtard Ron Paul (R-TX) declared his candidacy for the Presidency (for the third time) and promptly shoved both feet in his mouth. Since it's the season for declarations, he declared that he would NOT have voted for the 1964 Civil Rights Act, because he feels that it imposed restrictions on businesses.

He said in the same speech that he wouldn't have voted against the Jim Crow laws, either.

This is a sterling opportunity, dear readers, to see a completely unhinged Randite Libertarian running at full throttle. Paul thinks this is 'his time,' while I think it's time for him to be committed to an asylum.

Bill Maher Explains Things

2011-05-14T10:08:00.001-04:00

We're Number One!

2011-05-14T05:05:00.001-04:00

And David Morris explains how.

It's actually a bit of a downer, so be warned.

Egad! PORN Found in bin Laden's Abbottabad Lair?!

2011-05-13T16:53:00.002-04:00

According to this report, a stash of pornographic materials was found in the house where Osama bin Laden was hiding. There's no report either way on whether it was his own or belonged to one of the people living in the house with him (although we do know he took a local type of herbal Viagra).

I don't find this surprising at all, since according to this report Pakistan is #1 in the world in porno searches, with things like zooerasty and even pederasty predominating.

The more you know ...

Pity the Republicans

2011-05-13T14:45:00.002-04:00

Yes, I wrote that.

After the unveiling of the Paul Ryan Budget that would essentially eviscerate Medicare and Social Security, once and for all labeling the GOP as the Party that Broke the Social Contract, the House GOPers went traipsing off to their constituencies to crow about their accomplishment.

Much to their surprise, their appearance was greeted with all the cheer of the arrival of the tax man.

It seems that the old fogies in the Tea Party who spearheaded the 2010 campaign from the security of their government-funded scooters don't like the idea of the Evil Gummint messing about with Medicare. Several House Republicans cut their appearances short or ran away from the topic like whipped curs. In Alan West (R-South Florida Fucking Crazy)'s district a local radio reporter was actually arrested for asking this asshole a question. But we have to remind ourselves that West is known for war atrocities and has the Outlaws motorcycle gang as allies, so his behavior isn't all that amazing.

In any event, the Left blogosphere and the Democrats have wasted little time in hanging this albatross around the Elephant's neck. Good for them, I say.

But this isn't all we have to pity the Republicans for.

Mittens Romney held forth about his Massachusetts health care plan, saying basically that we should all just forget that it's very much like the Affordable Care Act (even down to the individual mandate, that Mittens now says is unconstitutional). All of the right-wing media have been piling on poor Willard the past few days about this - it appears that the usual level of rank hypocrisy has been exceeded by Romney.

And hey! Hey! Romney's Massachusetts plan also provides for abortions! The ACA doesn't (because of the Hyde Amendment, of course). That's another thing to bash him over the head with. So much, then, for Romney becoming the nation's first Mormon President, at least at this stage of the game.

Newton Gingrich tossed his semen-smeared hat into the ring this week. He said that if he didn't run in 2012 he'd be a "fraud" - hoping we'll all forget, I guess, that it was ethics violations that got him run out of his Speakership like a poison mushroom. Newt, you're supposed to know history. The last Speaker to become President was James K. Polk, who was so colorless his opponents used to chant "Who is James K. Polk?"

And just today Ron Paul decided to have another go at it. I think his first task ought to be to shut his son's mouth and sew it closed. Rand equated the ACA with slavery the other day, for which he earned a swift punch in the mouth (he hasn't gotten it yet, however). Ron, I find it hard to believe that this uncouth little "self-certified" spawn could have erupted from your loins.

To add insult to injury, Herman Cain, the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, 'won' the self-congratulatory circle jerk that was the GOP candidates' debate. Put on by the propaganda wing of the Party (Fox 'News'), it featured absolutely none of the purported Party A list: Palin, Gingrich, Romney, Huckabee, et. al. stayed away. Instead we were treated to the ad lib stylings of Tim Pawlenty, a man so colorless he makes white look dingy. We also got a look at Rick Santorum, who had the eponymous frothy mixture of lubricant and fecal matter oozing from his mouth every time he opened it.

So feel a tiny, just the tiniest, soupcon of pity the next time you see a Republican holding forth about their chances in 2012.

At this point in time, I really just don't see it.

Florida Legislative Cage Match, 2011

2011-05-10T15:37:00.003-04:00

Yep, it's over.

For now.

The stampede of stupidity known as the Florida State Legislative Session went a bit over as the House and Senate quibbled over another set of fine points in the proposed $69.3 Billion state budget. But they finally managed to settle, and it was hugs and tongue kisses all around as the apres-session orgy commenced.

Lost among the blizzard of money shots and discarded condoms were the awful facts:

1. Florida lost more jobs, among state employees.

2. Florida lost revenue sources, gouged out as the Republican-dominated houses chose to cut education to the bone while unbalancing the equation further by granting tax cuts.

3. Unions lost.

4. Education lost. Big time.

5. The environment in Florida lost.

But hey, look on the bright side! Bestiality is finally (Finally!) against the law in Florida, as are baggy pants that hang below your buttocks.

Granted, there were a few things that didn't happen. (P)Rick Scott failed to get his way on castrating the state Supreme Court, and also failed to cripple the stopgap Citizens Property Insurance, which for many is the only insurance you can get if you live where hurricanes go for the summer.

Governor Soulless should be happy, as are the many corporations who hold IOUs from him.

Are we happy? Are We The People of Florida happy?

Well, the Tea Party are happy, but ignorance is bliss.

The rest of us ... not so much.

On Releasing the Pictures

2011-05-04T17:39:00.002-04:00

The Internet has turned many people into complete voyeurs.

There are those of us (myself included) who have "Two Girls, One Cup," "One Man, One Jar," and "Bathtub Girl" - to say nothing of the craziness that is Rotten.com and Ogrish.com - seared into our unconscious, never to be wholly expunged.

President Obama's decision to bar the release of the video and pictures of Osama bin Laden's death was, in my opinion, the correct one. It was correct for the following reasons:

1. We're already vilified as a pack of heartless ghouls who torture, humiliate and slaughter indiscriminately. We don't need to gloat like that.

2. The pictures, even sanitized, will only inflame those people who want to make Osama a martyr. These people are easily inflamed - just burn a Koran and see if you don't believe me.

3. Idiots in this country will immediately screech that the pictures and video are forgeries, part of a Mammoth Conspiracy that covers both political parties, all political persuasions, and extends all the way back to President Obama's conception by time-tripping Commie space aliens. Remember that we still have cretins loudly proclaiming that we didn't land on the Moon and that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago - there's no amount of proof that will pierce the defensive shield that is their private delusion pattern.

My two cents on the matter.

Osama bin Missin is Osama bin Deaded!

2011-05-02T03:22:00.001-04:00

YAHOO!

At about 11.35 PM Eastern Time last night, stealthy American special forces troops descended on a compound north of Islamabad in Pakistan. A firefight ensued, and a man was killed.

That man was Osama bin Ladin, a Saudi who was the founder and leader of al Qaeda. The leader of the terrorist group that bombed the World Trade Center, that bombed the embassies at Nairobi and Dar Es Salaam, that crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon ...

Is Dead! Dead! Dead!

We have his body, and the ID is firm.

The mission is accomplished.

My thanks go out to the Special Forces, to the military and the intelligence community, to the Pakistanis, and to President Obama.

Republicans Behaving Badly

2011-04-30T09:17:00.002-04:00

Part #6,112,954 of a never-ending series.

It's been a busy week for the Republicans. For starters, Donald "Beware My Mighty Hair Helmet of Doom!" Trump went full-bore Birther, stealing Sarah Palin's thunder quite effectively and putting himself on top of the heap of mental midgets and social misfits euphemistically called 'the GOP candidate field.' He crowed about how his crack team of experts in Hawaii were about to make startling revelations about Obama's birth certificate.

Unfortunately, President Obama beat Trump's experts to the punch by tossing his official long form birth certificate (the one that Hawaii keeps in sealed records) out to the hyenas. It settles the matter once and for all, right?

Wrong. No sooner had he finished his press conference than one so-called 'expert' was calling it a forgery, while other members of the Tea Party/John Birch/Racist/Moron Axis merely said "So what?" and doubled down on their lunacy. Tom Tancredo actually made sense when he opined that the Release was timed to make the Republicans look bad. Good job, Tommy-gun. Nice of you to figure that out.

In this guise, Obama's birth certificate becomes another cudgel to bash Republicans with. Continuing to vent their inner racism like this only makes them look stupider, which has the effect of improving Obama's chances of re-election. Great tactical thinking, actually.

In fact, Trump then went after Obama's school records, his arguments buttressed by elderly asshole Pat Buchanan. Seriously, guys, 'affirmative action?' Can't you do any better than that? Why not just start yelling "uppity ni**er" and get it over with? Lord knows enough of the dingbats and assholes in Iowa and the Deep South are saying it, because 'everyone knows' that a dark-skinned man can't possibly be successful without help or an evil conspiracy at his back.

Mittens Romney doesn't have these questions raised about him, and his Dad George was born in Mexico. Johnny-Mop McCain wasn't born in the United States - he was born in the Panama Canal Zone, and no one questioned his citizenship. Gee whillikers, I guess it must A Black Thing, and I couldn't understand.

Still on the racist meme, we have yet another example in Oklahoma, where a female state legislator announced that minorities (read black people) don't work as hard as whites and therefore are a drag on the economy. A Maine cabinet member had to resign after saying much the same thing.

But let's get back to Trump, the Carnival Barker, the guy so fake his hair is not his own and is so crooked his valets have to screw his pants on in the morning. Let's be honest here - he makes himself such an easy target. He delivered a speech laced with the word 'fuck' to a group of old ladies and old men in Las Vegas a couple days ago, and two bits of that deserve special note:

1. He stated that he would slap a 25% tariff on Chinese imports.

2. He would tell OPEC that he, not they, would arbitrarily set the price of crude.

Those got some cheers, but the people who actually use their brains to do things other than keep their skulls from imploding pointed out two glaring problems with this. One, that a high tariff might induce China to call in the note they hold, thereby ruining our economy; two, that a government fixing the price of anything is a government intrusion into the free market (and that's socialism/communism/whatever). Further, OPEC can always turn off the taps.

And I know Trump's old enough to recall the gas crisis in the 70s. After all, he was old enough to get college and medical deferments to avoid serving in Vietnam (although he states he just had a high draft number, and didn't get picked). News flash, Trump - don't lie if you don't have all the records locked away so others can't find them.

I don't see the allure of Trump anyway. He's in with the Mob, declared bankruptcy a number of times, committed adultery and his hair is not his own. Ross Perot had more gravitas than Trump does, and Perot came by his money honestly.

And this has been this week's episode of Republicans Behaving Badly.

Good day.

Philosophy Corner: Why the GOPers Aren't Lying

2011-04-20T15:23:00.003-04:00

"What bullshit essentially misrepresents is neither the state of affairs to which it refers nor the beliefs of the speaker concerning that state of affairs. Those are what lies misrepresent, by virtue of being false. Since bullshit need not be false, it differs from lies in its misrepresentational intent. The bullshitter may not deceive us, or even pretend to do so, either about the facts or about what he takes the facts to be. What he does necessarily attempt to deceive us about is his enterprise. His only indispensably distinctive characteristic is that in a certain way he misrepresents what he is up to.

"This is the crux of the distinction between him and the liar. Both he and the liar represent themselves falsely as endeavoring to communicate the truth. The success of each depends upon deceiving us about that. But the fact about himself that the liar hides is that he is attempting to lead us away from a correct apprehension of reality; we are not to know that he wants us to believe something he supposes to be false. The fact about himself that the bullshitter hides, on the other hand, is that the truth-values of his statements are of no central interest to him; what we are not to understand is that his intention is neither to report the truth nor to conceal it. This does not mean that his speech is anarchically impulsive, but that the motive guiding and controlling it is unconcerned with how the things about which he speaks truly are.

"It is impossible for someone to lie unless he thinks he knows the truth. Producing bullshit requires no such conviction. A person who lies is thereby responding to the truth, and he is to that extent respectful of it. When an honest man speaks, he says only what he believes to be true; and for the liar, it is correspondingly indispensable that he considers his statements to be false. For the bullshitter, however, all these bets are off: he is neither on the side of the true nor on the side of the false. His eye is not on the facts at all, as the eyes of the honest man and of the liar are, except insofar as they may be pertinent to his interest in getting away with what he says. He does not care whether the things he says describe reality correctly. He just picks them out, or makes them up, to suit his purpose."

- On Bullshit, by Harry G. Frankfurt (Princeton University Press, 2005), pp. 53-56.

Castrating the Florida Supreme Court

2011-04-16T09:18:00.002-04:00

Not content to balance the state budget on the backs of state workers and humiliate the poor by requiring drug tests as a prerequisite for public assistance, Governor Scott and the Legislature now turn their attention to castrating the Florida Supreme Court.

The current plan before the Legislature would alter the State Constitution and break the five-member Court into two five-Justice courts, one for criminal cases (like death penalty appeals) and one for civil actions (like if you sue a phosphate mine for fouling your water supply). Sounds sensible, doesn't it?

It's not.

Severing the Court like this enables Scott to put the three current senior Justices (Chiles appointees) in the criminal Court, and allows him to appoint three of his own to the new civil Court.

By "three of his own," I mean judges who will be more lenient and forgiving toward corporations who want to pave over Florida and put up whatever without all those pesky regulations. I mean, who wants clean air and water anyway?

This is not a good idea, and there's no way to stop it. Maybe We the People of Florida can reverse it by referendum after Scott leaves office.

Uh, Oh.

2011-04-15T10:38:00.001-04:00

(Hat tip to Pharyngula.)

This does not bode well.

I knew we should never had remade Planet of the Apes.

Those Eyes

2011-04-15T09:13:00.002-04:00

Those eyes.

Those creepy, soulless, dead eyes.

These are the eyes of (p)Rick Scott, the Republican Governor of Florida.

He wanted to cut funding for nursing homes and rehabilitation centers, places that enable the developmentally and mentally disadvantaged to live somewhat normal lives, with due supervision and care. Public outcry forced him to walk that back.

He and his Tea Bags are slowly lowering the bar of regulation in the state, seeking to ensure that the ground will be fertile for large businesses and developers to rape the land and leave a ruined environment for succeeding generations. They have also lowered funding for education while raising rates for higher education, cheerfully ignoring the fact that modern industry and business needs an educated worker and not a mindless prole, kept docile by Victory Gin and endless fear about being cut off with not even minimal benefits.

But you have to admire him, and the others of his greasy ilk. He's come up with a way of being at least somewhat accessible while still denying people who oppose him a voice.

Scott uses social media a lot - FaceBook and Twitter. In fact, he recently had a 'town hall meeting' over social media. This is inspired - you can still claim to be open to taking flak from anyone, while at the same time able to shut out anyone who may disagree with you.

When he does have to go somewhere to face voters in reality, he shows some skill in that as well. His budget proposal (in other words, 'his blueprint for destroying Florida') was revealed at a meeting in a church in the heart of the reddest parts of northern Florida. These people love him - for what, I have NO idea.

But then I'm a realist, a rational thinker, and a Classic Republican.

And every time I think of the 'modern' Jefferson Davis/John Birch/Raving Lunatic Republican Party, I think of (p)Rick Scott.

And those dead, soulless eyes.

An Open Letter to John Boehner, R-OH

2011-04-13T07:04:00.004-04:00

Posted to his Speaker of the House web page:

I'm a lifelong Republican, and I admit to anyone who asks that I'm completely disgusted with my Party and your leadership of it.

I'll use my own economic situation as an example. Say for example (and why not?) that I'm running a deficit. Accruing more debt is not in the cards, so I have to take care of that. Are we agreed so far?

Fine.

Now, I cut back on spending - take fewer trips, economize, etc. But that's only half of the equation. To erase debt, one must increase revenue as well as cut spending.

In my case, that would entail working longer for overtime, asking (politely) for a raise, or getting a second job. As my debt is erased, I can start laying aside money for a rainy day or even invest it. This is called a budget surplus.

Time to face reality, Mr. Speaker, no matter how unpopular it might be with the upper one percent of the income bracket. Cutting spending will only take us so far, and giving away the savings thus earned in the form of tax cuts is counterproductive - even Reagan learned that eventually.

Raise taxes on the upper quintile of the income bracket, get rid of the salary cap on Social Security, and you'll erase the deficit that much faster. Don't, and you'll drive the country into penury, as your colleague Mr. Ryan seems intent on doing.

I'm a Republican, but I'm also a realist. At long last, can you and the other members of the GOP caucus finally face reality?

Stupidity, Thy Name is The History Channel

2011-04-12T17:40:00.000-04:00

Coming on the heels on a sensationalistic and largely crap "miniseries" on the Kennedys (which will be shown on Reelz, guaranteeing that no one will see it at all), The History Channel will show a piece of flaming dog feces known as The Naked Archeologist.

This 'show' (or, in other words, 'a collection of beer farts and explosive diarrhea') centers on the eponymous 'archeologist' and 'journalist' Simcha Jacobovici, who claims on very thin evidence to have found The Nails.

That is, the nails that were used to nail a Certain Jewish Eschatological Preacher to a cross way back in about 33 CE.

Hands up all those who think The History Channel's finally gone over the edge?

A Whiff of Treason

2011-04-12T05:41:00.002-04:00

One hundred fifty years ago - today, as a matter of fact - a barrage of cannon fire signaled the beginning of the American Civil War. Most of the Southern states had seceded from the United States, and South Carolina decided to open hostilities.

Four years later, most of South Carolina's major cities lay in ruins and the state itself was impoverished. The Confederacy lay supine, defeated and destitute.

Debate still goes on as to whether the Reconstruction of the South after the war should have been carried on to a conclusion. It might have burned the cancer out of the South.

Instead, it metastasized.

Over the past thirty-odd years or longer secession movements have festered in various places here in America. The people who are part of this tend to overlook, gloss over or ignore the lesson of the Civil War - that secession ends badly for the seceding state.

But that doesn't deter them. In fact, at least one state governor (Perry of Texas) came just short of calling for Texas to secede. That would likely have destroyed the Texan economy, as that state is a major sucker at the public-money tit, relying on federal subsidies for farming, oil, and military (not to mention social safety net programs).

Any state seceding now would not have an easy time of it even before the Federals moved in to teach the hard lesson again.

But there are actual commemorations scheduled for today, with gray uniforms, the Stars and Bars, and all the antebellum paraphernalia that illustrates just how ignorant these people are of their country's history.

So if you're walking around today and you smell something reminiscent of wet rotting garbage and raw sewage, relax.

It's only a whiff of treason.