Thursday, June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett, RIP

I read on Huffington Post that Farrah Fawcett, a/k/a Farrah Fawcett-Majors, has died at age 62 after a battle with cancer.

I first encountered her via the television medium wayyyy back in the 1970s, when she was on the show Charlie's Angels. Although she was on the show only briefly her smile and hair became iconic for that part of the decade. Some of the girls I went to high school with tried to get their hair done like hers, get their teeth straightened and whitened like hers, and starved themselves to the point of anorexia to Look. Just. Like. Her.

My first encounter with unbridled narcissism. How lovely.

My most enduring memory of her is part TV nostalgia (similar to the agita induced by too much spicy food) and this poem, written in her honor and published in Hustler magazine over 20 years ago. I only recall two complete stanzas (which shows how far back my memory goes):

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do odors foul the air?
The ones that you and I expel,
That rot our underwear?
Or does it hint of frankincense
And other fragrance rare?
I wonder.

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do angels on high praise
Their frosty, feathered protege
For adopting human ways?
Or do they gag and flap their wings
To clear away the haze?
I wonder.

Well, I am wondering no more.

Rest in Peace, Farrah, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

13 Comments:

Blogger Timothy Chen Allen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:09 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe it.
I had always remembered this poem too. I just googled it and was amazed that ANYONE else remembered it.

10:47 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember a couple of lines that you missed:

When Farrah takes a healthy shit, Do rectal muscles strain....
To pass a turd of titan size,
Do hemorrhoids cause her pain.

10:59 AM EDT  
Blogger Timothy Chen Allen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:50 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do odors foul the air?
The ones that you and I expel,
That rot our underwear?
Or does it hint of frankincense
And other fragrance rare?
I wonder.

When Farrah drops her lacy breifs
and nestles down her butt
does Farrah scan graffitied walls
and leer at shithouse smut
are her feces tapered
so her asshole won't slam shut?
I wonder?

Does diarhea ever strike
do tacos give her gas
do zits adorn her leeward side
and mar this georgeous lass
missing line
missing line

missing line
missing line
missing line
do hemorrhoids cause her pain
has constipation ever turned
her bowels to links of chain?
I wonder.

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do angels on high praise
Their frosty, earthbound protege
For adopting human ways?
Or do they gag and flap their wings
To clear away the haze?
I wonder.

When Farrah oh, so beautiful
must harken to the call
that nature makes to each of us
the mighty and the small
I wish I were a toilet seat
behind that hallowed stall,
Or do I?

anybody fill in the missing lines I can't remember?
deaftouch@hotmail.com

12:44 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

forgot about the earlier entry

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do odors foul the air?
The ones that you and I expel,
That rot our underwear?
Or does it hint of frankincense
And other fragrance rare?
I wonder.

When Farrah drops her lacy breifs
and nestles down her butt
does Farrah scan graffitied walls
and leer at shithouse smut
are her feces tapered
so her asshole won't slam shut?
I wonder?

Does diarhea ever strike
do tacos give her gas
do zits adorn her leeward side
and mar this georgeous lass
missing line
missing line

when Farrah takes a healthy shit
do rectal muscles strain
to pass a turd of titan size
do hemorrhoids cause her pain
has constipation ever turned
her bowels to links of chain?
I wonder.

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do angels on high praise
Their frosty, earthbound protege
For adopting human ways?
Or do they gag and flap their wings
To clear away the haze?
I wonder.

When Farrah oh, so beautiful
must harken to the call
that nature makes to each of us
the mighty and the small
I wish I were a toilet seat
behind that hallowed stall,
Or do I?

again, anyone fill in the missing 2 lines?
deaftouch@hotmail.com

12:48 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A slight correction, but I think I remember the second verse this way:

"When Farrah drops her lacey briefs
And nestles down her butt,
Does she scan graffitied walls
And leer at shithouse smut?
Are Farrah's feces tapered
So her asshole won't slam shut?
I wonder.

9:57 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Missing line:

Does Farrah cringe when coarse buttwipe rakes clean her puckered ass.

3:04 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember Hustler attributed the poem to a one "Jack Meoff"

10:08 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was Screw magazine, not Hustler. And it was Meioff, not Meoff.

9:27 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, it was definitely in Hustler, and by Mr. Meoff. Perhaps Screw plagiarized it.

7:29 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe this is the full version. Per the source: "i clipped this out of a men's magazine about 35 years ago and pinned it to my bathroom wall, right above the toilet paper it wasn't rare for hysterical laughter to emerge from the bathroom especially the women..."

http://hellopoetry.com/words/320783/farrah/poems/

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do odors foul the air?
The ones that you and I expel,
That rot our underwear?
Or does it hint of frankincense
And other fragrance rare?
I wonder.

When Farrah drops her lacy briefs
and nestles down her butt
does Farrah scan graffitied walls
and leer at shithouse smut
are her feces tapered
so her asshole won't slam shut?
I wonder?

Does diarhea ever strike
do tacos give her gas
do zits adorn her leeward side
and mar this gorgeous lass



when Farrah takes a healthy shit
do rectal muscles strain
to pass a turd of titan size
do hemorrhoids cause her pain
has constipation ever turned
her bowels to links of chain?
I wonder.

When Farrah takes a healthy shit
Do angels on high praise
Their frosty, earthbound protege
For adopting human ways?
Or do they gag and flap their wings
To clear away the haze?
I wonder.

When Farrah oh, so beautiful
must harken to the call
that nature makes to each of us
the mighty and the small
I wish I were a toilet seat
behind that hallowed stall,
Or do I?

7:50 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was a camper at a summer sleep-away camp when I first saw this poem. One of the counselors had brought back a copy of the magazine and, being of junior high school age, we all found it hilarious. Sadly, I was never able to remember anything beyond "underwear." Thank you all for filling in this long lost memory!

12:32 AM EST  

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