Thursday, May 28, 2009

It Would Be a Great Shame

Here in sunny Flori-duh there is some movement in the news on the political and criminal fronts.

The former Speaker of the House, Ray Sansom (R-No! Really?) has been indicted for perjury regarding his misappropriation of funds to build an airplane hangar for Northwest Florida State College. This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, as most of the politicians here in the Sunshine State - on both sides - are so crooked they have to screw their pants on in the morning.

Which leads me to Governor Charlie "No, Really, I'm NOT Gay, Honestly" Crist. Crist is going to cut his first term as Governor short in order to run for US Senate to replace the outgoing incumbent, Mel Martinez (R-Cuba Libre). His timing is okay, considering that his acceptance of Federal stimulus money and his friendliness toward President Obama hardly endear him to the right-wing yahoos and other members of the Florida GOP. So he's going to try to run for Senator.

Good Luck, Charlie. You're going to need it, as another former House Speaker, Marco Rubio (R-Dumbass) is also interested in the job, and the word is that he's collected two big endorsements. One is former Governor John Ellis "Jebbie the Hutt" Bush, the other is former Governor-Reverend Mike "Maria" Huckabee. The Hucklebuck is a heavy hitter with the Taliban Wing of the GOP, while Jebbie can wheel and deal with the slightly less foolish in the bunch.

(Me? I want no part of any of these rubes, which puts me in a decidedly oppressed minority within the GOP.)

State Senator Paula Dockery (R-Anita Bryant Legacy) is the subject of some water-cooler gossip that she might fight Rubio for the Gubernatorial prize (Rubio might go there if the idea of becoming Senator doesn't pan out). I approach this with the same sick fascination I would have for witnessing a fight between a snake and a mongoose.

Of course, hard to tell which is which in this case.

It'd be nice to think that Dockery and Rubio both wanting to be Governor would guarantee a Democrat getting elected to the big chair up in Tallahassee, but I'm not optimistic, considering most of the people I talk to on a regular basis are somewhere to the right of Martin Bormann and are about as religiously tolerant as the late Ayatollah Khomeini.


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