Monday, March 19, 2012

¿Elección de domingo? ¡Usted muchachos traviesos!

Election Day in Puerto Rico ... How Santorum Got His Groove Back ... How Romney Lost His Mind ... Ron Paul Comes in Behind Nobody ...

Over the weekend we saw the GOP primary in the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, with twenty delegates up for grabs. Romney romped on this one, but he had a lot of help from Rick Santorum in getting all those lovely delegates that he needs to win the nomination.

First, Santorum was spotted displaying his winter plumage and man-boobs poolside, an occasion causing some mild hilarity. He conceded he could lose a few pounds.

He lost those pounds by swallowing both of his feet when he said that Puerto Rico won't become a state in the good ol' USA until they learn to speak English like proper Amurkans. That went over like a cabbage fart at a midnight Mass.

Nice to see the Mullah from Pennsylvania back on form, although it must have bothered him to campaign on the Sabbath. Not very, um, Christian of him.


Mitt Romney decided to blame Barack Obama for the good economic news.

Say what?

Well, in his rather convoluted way the Mittbot said that, yes, the economy's getting better - but it would have gotten betterer if it hadn't been for those meddling kids. Speaking of meddling, Mitt's convinced that the President has a magic wand that he can wave and drop gas prices like a stone down a dry well. It doesn't work that way, Mitt. Might I suggest you think of something popular - like advocating the elimination of oil subsidies, or maybe stifling the war drums about Iran?

Speaking of War and Mitt, it seems that after ten years of warfare in Afghanistan Romney still hasn't collected enough information to make a definite statement one way or the other. On one of the Sunday chat shows he managed the neat trick of coming out in favor of a longer stay in The Graveyard of Empires and simultaneously calling for a speedy withdrawal.


Doddering Old Fool Ron Paul came in dead fucking last in Puerto Rico, with one report having him coming in behind former Reagan staffer and Self-Hating Gay Republican Fred Karger. Paul must also be very proud of how his supporters got arrested for disrupting the Missouri caucus.


It's onward to Illinois (Tuesday) and Louisiana (Saturday). Latest polling shows Romney with either a slim or an insurmountable lead, but we have to remember there are plenty of yahoos in the southern counties that could go for a heaping dollop of Santorum. Louisiana might go for Ricky, or maybe Newt if Gingrich's sugar daddy cuts him another check.


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