"A Busy Half-Century" - #4
Part Four: War (and Peace)
Aboard Grace P.
Waters near Wrangell Canton,
Free States of Alaska
March 17, 1905:
“Chyort,” the ship’s captain muttered disgustedly, squinting ahead. “Damn this fog, it’s like looking through a block of ice.”
The helmsfur nodded agreement, one eye on his compass and the other on the view out the wheelhouse windows. “When the sun comes up it’s gonna get worse, Cap’n.”
“Don’t I know it,” the mustelid said. He was part sable on his grandfather’s side, the result of the Russian explorations of Alaska in the last two centuries. The cold, damp air didn’t bother him, but being basically blind while navigating narrow channels among small islands and shoals of rocks did. “The sooner we get the cargo to Juneau the happier I’ll be.”
Since the discovery of gold in certain parts of the vast untapped hinterland of Alaska over ten years ago, the cantons had been shipping the metal south to United States or to the port of Juneau. From Juneau it could be shipped overland into Canada.
The captain reminded himself that rocks and shoals were not the only dangers in this area. A precious metal like gold was like a magnet that attracted all types of people. There were explorers, settlers, entrepreneurs – and criminals.
For that reason, the crew of the steamer Grace P. had at least one gun and knife near at paw at all times. Even the stokers down in the bowels of the ship had weapons, even though the heat of the engines sometimes made a pistol literally too hot to handle.
***
The small boats had been following the steamer for most of the night and had nearly lost it in the fog. Two of them now were close enough for the leader of the group, a lithe weasel, to jump and grab for a pawhold on one of the scuppers. He hung on, then pulled himself up laboriously as the others watched.
A knotted rope was let down, and one by one the rest of the pirates boarded the vessel. A slight lightening of the pervasive grayness to the east promised the dawn, and the leader realized he’d have to work fast.
His paw moved, and armed furs started to fan out across the deck, headed for the engine room, the hold and the wheelhouse.
***
March 20:
“Who could have done this?” the mayor of Wrangell asked rhetorically, his expression mirroring the dismay and revulsion on the others’ faces.
The Grace P. had been found adrift in the channel between Wrangell and Juneau, its cargo looted and its entire crew of twenty furs dead. No, not dead; slaughtered, some of them struck down in their sleep. The captain had been killed at his post, which, the mayor supposed, was some scant consolation to his wife and children.
“This is the second robbery we’ve had in a week,” the feline went on to say.
A member of the cantonal council, a big jackrabbit, spoke up. “We’ve sent armed parties to scout the area, but the thieves didn’t leave any trace. There’s only one settlement nearby.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Iukwa, a little fishing village. It’s part of the Rain Coast.”
***
March 31
Seathl:
“Lavrenti, look – why should we, or anyone in the country, for that matter, want to steal your gold? We have our own mines, you know, and sometimes we ship yours for you,” the current President said. The thin feline sat down, running a paw through his tawny-red headfur. “We’ve been friends since before independence. There’s no need to accuse us of anything.”
Lavrenti Donner glowered. It was the Husky’s best expression and one he used often. “Jasper, whether it came from here in Seathl or not, the fact remains that our gold shipments are being interfered with. We won’t tolerate that.”
Jasper Gray Elk glared at the canine. “Are you – is Alaska threatening us?”
“No,” came the reply. “But I am saying that we are sending out armed boats to search for signs of these criminals, and once we find them there’ll be a fine set of hangings.
“Good day, Mr. President,” and the Husky plucked a fisherman’s cap off the chair he’d deposited it on, put it on his head and walked out of the office.
***
April 9
In waters off Nysand Sound:
“Hoy, the Narwhal!” the Alaskan captain yelled as his boat closed in on the fishing boat. “Is Diefenbach aboard?”
“Hoy! That you, Haakon? Your wife have that cub yet?”
The bear grinned. “They’re both fine, Georgie. Amelia had a boy.”
“Great news! So! What’re you doing out here?”
By this time the two boats were close enough for a lower tone of voice. Haakon said, “Look, George, it’s like this. You’ve heard about all the thieving going on around here?”
“Sure have.”
The bear looked uneasy, and the beaver said, “C’mon, Haakon, out with it.”
“Well, the cantons all voted on it . . . we’re supposed to stop and board any ship near our waters.”
“What’s that?”
The boats closed to within feet of each other.
“We have to board any ship in our waters that’s not flying a cantonal flag, and search it for weapons.”
The beaver scowled and spit a quid of tobacco over the gunwale. “Haakon, if that ain’t the stupidest thing I’ve heard in my life. Everyone knows everyone carries a gun on their boat – or should; those that don’t are damn fools.”
“I know, I know. It sounds great on paper, but we’ve gotta do it.”
A silence.
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“You gonna stop your engines so I can board and search?”
The beaver gave a creditable impression of a gaffed fish. “You gone crazy too, Haakon? I’m telling you, we ain’t no pirates – Hell, you’n me been friends for twenty damned years now!” His features hardened. “But I’m telling you right now, ain’t no one coming aboard the Narwhal without my say-so. Boys?”
Several furs dropped what they were doing and headed for the gun locker. “Now, George, be reasonable – “
“Stuff it, Haakon. You ain’t boarding to search for no guns. Now, you want to come over for a drink, that’s fine. Just you.”
“We got orders, Boss,” a young wolf reminded the bear. Lupine paws cradled his rifle, and slowly worked the bolt as he cocked the weapon.
The sound was answered by several others as the Narwhal’s crew readied their own guns. One otter pumped the slide on his shotgun and the racket made many ears lay back.
The beaver and the bear glared at each other, and Haakon said, “Look, George – “
BANG
The wolf hadn’t set the safety on his rifle, and the bullet went high and wide.
By the time the two boats had moved apart and the shooting stopped, five furs were dead, including George Diefenbach, the Narwhal’s captain.
***
April 15
Seathl:
ALASKAN PERFIDY! TWO MEN DEAD IN SEA ENCOUNTER!
As usual, the Clarion had wasted no time, and the cry was being raised from Port Union to Great Wolf Lake as the news spread. Telegrams flooded into the Assembly building demanding that something be done to counter what was seen as a shocking attack on Rain Coast ships.
The Assembly met in an unheard-of night session to hear an address by President Gray Elk. The newspapers were invited as well, and the new gallery (created by eliminating most of the building’s second floor) was packed.
Everyone quieted as the feline stood up, leaning on his desk as if trying to draw strength from the oak. Finally he straightened up and said, “My friends, fellow citizens.
“The events of the last week have shown that the Alaskan governments will stop at nothing in order to stop acts of piracy in the waters between us – even if it means starting a fight with our own fishing boats. In fact, the cantons cannot even be certain that the pirates come from our side.
“The Ambassador of the Free States of Alaska has been given his passport by the Foreign Secretary and has been ordered to leave the country within twenty-four hours. This was in retaliation for our own Ambassador’s expulsion from Alaskan territory yesterday.” He paused as the crowd in the gallery started to talk. Slowly the conversation died down and Gray Elk resumed.
“Since Alaska has not seen fit to cooperate with us in finding the cause of these criminal acts and has instead sought to illegally stop, board and search our ships, resulting in the loss of life of the ninth of April instant . . . I wish to ask the Assembly for a declaration of war against the Free States of Alaska.”
His chair, scraping back against the wooden floor, was thunderously loud in the silent chamber.
The gallery was the first to erupt, one fur shouting “War!” The cry was quickly taken up by others, forcing the Moderator to start banging his hammer on his desk.
“Shut up, or I start using this on heads!” the Moderator finally yelled, and the clamor from above ceased. “Now. Ahem. The question before the Assembly is war. Do I hear a motion?”
“Moved!”
“Seconded!” was heard before the Moderator could frame the question.
“Wait just a minute!” the member for Barnes Island cried. Receiving a nod of permission the ram asked, “What are we fighting with, ladies and gentlemen? I move that we vote funds to arm and equip some boats as – I don’t know what you’d call ‘em, hell, ‘naval militias’ I guess – to have them patrol our waters and protect our fishing boats.” He sat down to general approval, from both the gallery and his fellows.
The Moderator banged his desk again. “Okay, we amend the motion. Ready?” he asked the Recorder. When that worthy nodded the wolf said, “The motion is to declare war against Alaska, and to raise money to equip a naval militia force for patrol and defense. Do I hear a second?”
“Second!”
“The motion made and seconded, we will now call the roll.”
The motion passed by 19-7, with one member absent. Best wishes were expressed that her child would recover from his illness.
***
May 7
Seathl:
The squirrel was shown into the President’s office and he shifted his top hat from his right paw to his left before shaking paws with the feline. “Ambassador, welcome,” Gray Elk said. “Please have a seat.”
“Thank you, sir,” the New Haven envoy said as he sat down. While neither as old as their first envoy nor as lecherous as the second, New Haven’s General Assembly seemed to have split the difference on the third: The gray squirrel was middle-aged and quite happily married, but also rather scatter-brained and forgetful. It had made for some amusing situations in the past.
Gray Elk didn’t need that right now.
“Mr. O’Dell,” the feline said, “as you know, as of today we’ve lost some twenty furs to the Alaskers, and one fishing village has been burned. This war has to stop.”
“Oh, yes yes yes, quite agree, old chap – er, Mr. President.”
“I want you to send a wire to New Haven City and ask them to help arbitrate this dispute.”
“Hm? Oh! Yes, yes, yes, absolutely! Splendid idea! The consulate up in – my my, where was it now – Kodiak, that’s it, Kodiak, agrees with you.”
“So the cantons want to stop this too?” the feline asked hopefully.
“Oh, yes. Yes yes yes. So I’ll wire the Foreign Ministry right away.”
***
May 12
Washington, DC:
The secretary knocked on the office door and waited. “Come in!” rang out, and the canine opened the door.
And almost flattened himself against the floor, as the stocky moose behind the desk was aiming a large-bore hunting rifle at him. The moose half-rose and said, “Damn, Carstairs, get on your feet! Any fool could see that the damn fool thing wasn’t loaded!”
“Yes, Mr. President,” Carstairs said as he stood up and dusted himself off. “Secretary Hay is outside, sir. He has something to discuss with you.”
Teddy Moosevelt broke the double-barreled shotgun open and studied the breech. “Send him in, then.”
There was a pause, and the Secretary of State walked in. “Theodore, we just received a telegram from Seathl.”
“Oh, those Rain Coast people? Nice forests up there, so I’m told. Might visit up there sometime. Well? What do they want?”
“They want our help in settling a shooting war between them and Alaska.”
“War? I didn’t hear anything about it,” the President said. “I’ve been busy with this business between the Japanese and the Russians. Now there’s a shooting war for you, John.”
“Yes, Mr. President. So, what shall I tell the Rain Coast ambassador?”
The moose looked up at him crossly. “Tell him – tell him that while the Government of the United States is aware of hostile actions between his nation and Alaska, the United States chooses to remain neutral in this matter. We are currently watching with the gravest concern matters between the Russian and Japanese Empires. There, that should satisfy him.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
***
May 13 – 25:
13MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL CLARIFY YOUR NUMBER 354 STOP WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY OPEN QUOTE LOAD ORANGES BARRELS BROTHERS KARAMAZOV CLOSE QUOTE QUERY ENDS
13MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 355 STOP NO IDEA WHAT YOU REFER TO STOP MESSAGE RAIN COAST AND ALASKA AT WAR STOP CLERKS NEW HAVEN CITY DRUNK AS USUAL STOP ENDS
13MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL YOUR 356 RECEIVED STOP NO GOOD TELLING US NOW STOP NEWSPAPERS ALREADY HAD NEWS STOP WHAT DO WE HAVE YOU FOR QUERY TELL YOUR CODE CLERKS SLEEP IT OFF AND REPORT DEVELOPMENTS STOP ENDS
14MAYO5 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC DEVIL TAKE YOUR NEWSPAPERS STOP SUGGEST HYGENIC USE FOR SAME STOP HAVE USED YOUR 357 FOR SAME PURPOSE STOP DO YOU WANT REPORT OR NOT QUERY SEND CLEAR RESPONSE YOU IDIOTS STOP ENDS
14MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 358 STOP FOR SHEER BONE HEADED IMPERTINENCE HARD TO BEAT STOP WOULD NOT WANT REPORT FROM LIKES OF YOU SENDING RELIEF NEXT TRAIN STOP ENDS
14MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 359 STOP GOVERNMENT RAIN COAST DESIRES NEW HAVEN ARIBTRATE DISPUTE ALASKA STOP CHRIST KNOWS WHY STOP WHO WOULD EVER WANT YOU CIVIC UNION LOUTS TO SETTLE ANYTHING OTHER THAN BARROOM ARGUMENT STOP ENDS
15MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 360 STOP COMMENCING INVESTIGATION OF YOUR CONDUCT YOU RED BANNER WAVING IMBECILE STOP WHERE THE HELL IS THIS REQUEST QUERY CEASE BABBLING LUNATIC SOAP BOX RUBBISH COMMA SEND COMMUNICATION IMMEDIATELY STOP ENDS
15MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 361 HAVE SENT REQUEST BY SECURE POUCH IDIOTS STOP ENDS
15MAYO5 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 362 HAVE YOU LOST MIND QUERY TRANS CONTINENTAL TRAIN TAKES THREE DAYS AND YOU HAVE REPORTED WAR STOP IDIOTS STOP RESPOND WHY LAST MESSAGE NOT IN CODE STOP ENDS
15MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 363 LIES AND SLANDER YOU CHITTERING CRETIN STOP DEMAND GENERAL ASSEMBLY ENQUIRY TO CLEAR HONOUR STOP YOU WANT ARBITRATION REQUEST OR NOT QUERY ENDS
16MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 364 YOUR RELIEF ON NEXT TRAIN STOP LIKELY GET THERE FASTER THAN COMMUNICATION HERE STOP ASSEMBLY VOTED LAST NIGHT YOUR CONDUCT COMMA YOU LOST BY TWENTY FIVE VOTES STOP PUT THAT IN PIPE AND SMOKE IT STOP ENDS
***
May 27
Seathl:
“Mr. Gray Elk? Your visitors are here.”
“Oh? Wonderful! Send them both in, please,” and the feline stood and straightened his tie as the secretary showed in the pair of envoys. When they walked in, Gray Elk knew he might be in trouble if he didn’t step carefully.
Both were foxes, one male and one female. The tod gave every sign of deference to the vixen, who was dressed in a skirt and blouse made of bark cloth with a patterned woolen cloak. Her face fur had been strategically shaved in a pattern of geometric lines and whorls, and white paint had been daubed on the exposed skin.
Gray Elk bowed deeply. “We are honored to be in your presence,” and he meant it. Being a tribesfur himself, he knew beyond all doubt that one never ever offended a shaman.
The shaman from the archipelago of Tillamooka, to the west of the Rain Coast, took a seat and arranged her cloak as her companion stood behind her. She glanced up at the tod, and she began to speak in her own language while the male fox translated.
“The Tribes of Tillamooka have seen the disharmony between their brothers in Alaska and the Rain Coast,” he said after listening for a moment, then added, “and with two empires at war to our West, it distresses us to see our brothers and sisters to the East in dispute.” There was a pause, and she looked at the feline inquiringly.
Gray Elk swallowed and said, “I am eager to find some way out of this problem, and I am told that – “
He never finished what he was about to say, because the vixen at that moment chose to turn in her seat and punch the tod in the stomach. He had been translating as Gray Elk spoke, and now doubled over, gasping while the feline debated whether or not to hide under his desk.
“Damn it, Billy!” the vixen said in heavily-accented English. “How I listen when you add words?” To the startled President she said, “I am sorry, but my English not so good, da? So I speak Tillamooka.”
Gray Elk nodded. “You want to be understood.”
“Da, da, pravilno! You got any fags? I no have had smoke since getting here.” He blinked stupidly at her for a moment before snatching his cigarette case off the desk and offering her one.
She looked up at him crossly. “It look like I have matches?”
“Oh! Sorry,” and he lit her cigarette. She inhaled and said something in her native tongue to the tod, who flinched. “As I was saying,” the feline said diffidently, “with all respect, Honored One, is that we want this war to end. There is no trade, and people are dying.”
The vixen listened to the translation, then nodded. She fixed the President with a steely glare and spoke as the tod translated: “At the next full moon the Tribes shall expect you and a group of those who rule your nation to gather with us at Tse-whit-sen. You will bring food, drink, and gifts – and you will stop fighting.”
The next full moon was a week away, and Gray Elk nodded. The shamans would have selected the exact time to intercede, and he knew it would be his hide if he failed to keep the appointment. “Of course, Honored One.”
She smoked a bit more, then stubbed the cigarette out in an ashtray and stood. Gray Elk bowed, and the vixen laid a paw on his head and intoned a blessing. She then walked out, her translator in tow.
The next day the Clarion reported that a cease-fire had been declared as envoys were sent to Tillamook.
***
Tse-whit-sen, Tillamooka
June 4, 1905:
The great Longhouse of the Tribes was an amazing symbol both of the cohesion of the confederated Tillamookan tribes (the non-aboriginal peoples, mostly Russian immigrants and a few ex-Yankee fishermen, counted as one distinct tribe) and their skill as woodcrafters. The mammoth cedar structure was intricately carved and by tradition was completely metal-free.
The Rain Coast delegation – Gray Elk, the Foreign Secretary, the War Secretary and four others - sat opposite the Alaskan group that included their War Leader and six cantonal leaders. They had been greeted at the wharf by shamans and the leaders of the nation bearing gifts of clothing.
Now dressed in doeskins and bark cloth, the two groups began to pass around a bowl of fermented pumpkin ale. When Gray Elk took his drink, drums began to beat as the assembled representatives of the Tillamookan tribes started to chant. When the leader of the Alaskan delegation, a brawny polar bear, took his drink masked acolytes began to dance.
After the second round the polar bear spoke up. “You lot started it, stealing our gold.”
“No,” said one of the Rain Coast furs, a brown bear. “You started it by boarding our boats.”
Back and forth the conversation went as the sun started to go down and platters of cooked salmon and chicken and more ale went around the room. The Tillamookan representatives would sit with the two warring groups, taking one side and then the other but nudging the positions inexorably closer together.
By the third day the two sides had agreed that the war had been started over Alaska’s anger over its pirated gold and dead furs, and its fear that the Rain Coast was victimizing it.
On the fourth day the Rain Coast delegation apologized for the burning of the Alaskan village of Boleslav, and the brown bear from the Rain Coast defeated the polar bear from Alaska in wrestling, two falls out of three.
By the fifth day both sides had agreed that the war was completely silly, had started over no good reason, and had agreed that solving the problem required a cooperative effort. A supplemental motion that the Tillamookan girls were very pretty was passed with one abstention.
By the sixth day Alaska’s War Leader had proposed marriage to the Rain Coast Assemblywoman from Williamton. She graciously declined, however, explaining that her husband might not understand.
***
Seathl
June 9, 1905:
“The delegation and I have returned with a Treaty in paw, ladies and gentlemen,” Gray Elk said to thunderous applause. He raised a paw to quiet the Assembly, noting that the other members of the delegation looked just as hung over as he felt.
A few days’ rest might set him right.
What the devil was in that pumpkin ale, anyway?
Gray Elk resumed, “We are now at peace with Alaska, but although the naval militias will be scaled back, the program will not be canceled. Alaska has agreed with us that they shall be used for anti-piracy patrols, and will help defray the costs of maintaining them,” and he sat down as the gallery cheered.
***
July 1, 1905:
The weasel surveyed his crew and the boat they sailed with a grim smile. Sure, they weren’t stealing gold any longer, but they were getting paid just to look around for any sign of pirates.
That pleased the leader. Maybe they could weed out some of the competition.
Aboard Grace P.
Waters near Wrangell Canton,
Free States of Alaska
March 17, 1905:
“Chyort,” the ship’s captain muttered disgustedly, squinting ahead. “Damn this fog, it’s like looking through a block of ice.”
The helmsfur nodded agreement, one eye on his compass and the other on the view out the wheelhouse windows. “When the sun comes up it’s gonna get worse, Cap’n.”
“Don’t I know it,” the mustelid said. He was part sable on his grandfather’s side, the result of the Russian explorations of Alaska in the last two centuries. The cold, damp air didn’t bother him, but being basically blind while navigating narrow channels among small islands and shoals of rocks did. “The sooner we get the cargo to Juneau the happier I’ll be.”
Since the discovery of gold in certain parts of the vast untapped hinterland of Alaska over ten years ago, the cantons had been shipping the metal south to United States or to the port of Juneau. From Juneau it could be shipped overland into Canada.
The captain reminded himself that rocks and shoals were not the only dangers in this area. A precious metal like gold was like a magnet that attracted all types of people. There were explorers, settlers, entrepreneurs – and criminals.
For that reason, the crew of the steamer Grace P. had at least one gun and knife near at paw at all times. Even the stokers down in the bowels of the ship had weapons, even though the heat of the engines sometimes made a pistol literally too hot to handle.
***
The small boats had been following the steamer for most of the night and had nearly lost it in the fog. Two of them now were close enough for the leader of the group, a lithe weasel, to jump and grab for a pawhold on one of the scuppers. He hung on, then pulled himself up laboriously as the others watched.
A knotted rope was let down, and one by one the rest of the pirates boarded the vessel. A slight lightening of the pervasive grayness to the east promised the dawn, and the leader realized he’d have to work fast.
His paw moved, and armed furs started to fan out across the deck, headed for the engine room, the hold and the wheelhouse.
***
March 20:
“Who could have done this?” the mayor of Wrangell asked rhetorically, his expression mirroring the dismay and revulsion on the others’ faces.
The Grace P. had been found adrift in the channel between Wrangell and Juneau, its cargo looted and its entire crew of twenty furs dead. No, not dead; slaughtered, some of them struck down in their sleep. The captain had been killed at his post, which, the mayor supposed, was some scant consolation to his wife and children.
“This is the second robbery we’ve had in a week,” the feline went on to say.
A member of the cantonal council, a big jackrabbit, spoke up. “We’ve sent armed parties to scout the area, but the thieves didn’t leave any trace. There’s only one settlement nearby.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Iukwa, a little fishing village. It’s part of the Rain Coast.”
***
March 31
Seathl:
“Lavrenti, look – why should we, or anyone in the country, for that matter, want to steal your gold? We have our own mines, you know, and sometimes we ship yours for you,” the current President said. The thin feline sat down, running a paw through his tawny-red headfur. “We’ve been friends since before independence. There’s no need to accuse us of anything.”
Lavrenti Donner glowered. It was the Husky’s best expression and one he used often. “Jasper, whether it came from here in Seathl or not, the fact remains that our gold shipments are being interfered with. We won’t tolerate that.”
Jasper Gray Elk glared at the canine. “Are you – is Alaska threatening us?”
“No,” came the reply. “But I am saying that we are sending out armed boats to search for signs of these criminals, and once we find them there’ll be a fine set of hangings.
“Good day, Mr. President,” and the Husky plucked a fisherman’s cap off the chair he’d deposited it on, put it on his head and walked out of the office.
***
April 9
In waters off Nysand Sound:
“Hoy, the Narwhal!” the Alaskan captain yelled as his boat closed in on the fishing boat. “Is Diefenbach aboard?”
“Hoy! That you, Haakon? Your wife have that cub yet?”
The bear grinned. “They’re both fine, Georgie. Amelia had a boy.”
“Great news! So! What’re you doing out here?”
By this time the two boats were close enough for a lower tone of voice. Haakon said, “Look, George, it’s like this. You’ve heard about all the thieving going on around here?”
“Sure have.”
The bear looked uneasy, and the beaver said, “C’mon, Haakon, out with it.”
“Well, the cantons all voted on it . . . we’re supposed to stop and board any ship near our waters.”
“What’s that?”
The boats closed to within feet of each other.
“We have to board any ship in our waters that’s not flying a cantonal flag, and search it for weapons.”
The beaver scowled and spit a quid of tobacco over the gunwale. “Haakon, if that ain’t the stupidest thing I’ve heard in my life. Everyone knows everyone carries a gun on their boat – or should; those that don’t are damn fools.”
“I know, I know. It sounds great on paper, but we’ve gotta do it.”
A silence.
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“You gonna stop your engines so I can board and search?”
The beaver gave a creditable impression of a gaffed fish. “You gone crazy too, Haakon? I’m telling you, we ain’t no pirates – Hell, you’n me been friends for twenty damned years now!” His features hardened. “But I’m telling you right now, ain’t no one coming aboard the Narwhal without my say-so. Boys?”
Several furs dropped what they were doing and headed for the gun locker. “Now, George, be reasonable – “
“Stuff it, Haakon. You ain’t boarding to search for no guns. Now, you want to come over for a drink, that’s fine. Just you.”
“We got orders, Boss,” a young wolf reminded the bear. Lupine paws cradled his rifle, and slowly worked the bolt as he cocked the weapon.
The sound was answered by several others as the Narwhal’s crew readied their own guns. One otter pumped the slide on his shotgun and the racket made many ears lay back.
The beaver and the bear glared at each other, and Haakon said, “Look, George – “
BANG
The wolf hadn’t set the safety on his rifle, and the bullet went high and wide.
By the time the two boats had moved apart and the shooting stopped, five furs were dead, including George Diefenbach, the Narwhal’s captain.
***
April 15
Seathl:
ALASKAN PERFIDY! TWO MEN DEAD IN SEA ENCOUNTER!
As usual, the Clarion had wasted no time, and the cry was being raised from Port Union to Great Wolf Lake as the news spread. Telegrams flooded into the Assembly building demanding that something be done to counter what was seen as a shocking attack on Rain Coast ships.
The Assembly met in an unheard-of night session to hear an address by President Gray Elk. The newspapers were invited as well, and the new gallery (created by eliminating most of the building’s second floor) was packed.
Everyone quieted as the feline stood up, leaning on his desk as if trying to draw strength from the oak. Finally he straightened up and said, “My friends, fellow citizens.
“The events of the last week have shown that the Alaskan governments will stop at nothing in order to stop acts of piracy in the waters between us – even if it means starting a fight with our own fishing boats. In fact, the cantons cannot even be certain that the pirates come from our side.
“The Ambassador of the Free States of Alaska has been given his passport by the Foreign Secretary and has been ordered to leave the country within twenty-four hours. This was in retaliation for our own Ambassador’s expulsion from Alaskan territory yesterday.” He paused as the crowd in the gallery started to talk. Slowly the conversation died down and Gray Elk resumed.
“Since Alaska has not seen fit to cooperate with us in finding the cause of these criminal acts and has instead sought to illegally stop, board and search our ships, resulting in the loss of life of the ninth of April instant . . . I wish to ask the Assembly for a declaration of war against the Free States of Alaska.”
His chair, scraping back against the wooden floor, was thunderously loud in the silent chamber.
The gallery was the first to erupt, one fur shouting “War!” The cry was quickly taken up by others, forcing the Moderator to start banging his hammer on his desk.
“Shut up, or I start using this on heads!” the Moderator finally yelled, and the clamor from above ceased. “Now. Ahem. The question before the Assembly is war. Do I hear a motion?”
“Moved!”
“Seconded!” was heard before the Moderator could frame the question.
“Wait just a minute!” the member for Barnes Island cried. Receiving a nod of permission the ram asked, “What are we fighting with, ladies and gentlemen? I move that we vote funds to arm and equip some boats as – I don’t know what you’d call ‘em, hell, ‘naval militias’ I guess – to have them patrol our waters and protect our fishing boats.” He sat down to general approval, from both the gallery and his fellows.
The Moderator banged his desk again. “Okay, we amend the motion. Ready?” he asked the Recorder. When that worthy nodded the wolf said, “The motion is to declare war against Alaska, and to raise money to equip a naval militia force for patrol and defense. Do I hear a second?”
“Second!”
“The motion made and seconded, we will now call the roll.”
The motion passed by 19-7, with one member absent. Best wishes were expressed that her child would recover from his illness.
***
May 7
Seathl:
The squirrel was shown into the President’s office and he shifted his top hat from his right paw to his left before shaking paws with the feline. “Ambassador, welcome,” Gray Elk said. “Please have a seat.”
“Thank you, sir,” the New Haven envoy said as he sat down. While neither as old as their first envoy nor as lecherous as the second, New Haven’s General Assembly seemed to have split the difference on the third: The gray squirrel was middle-aged and quite happily married, but also rather scatter-brained and forgetful. It had made for some amusing situations in the past.
Gray Elk didn’t need that right now.
“Mr. O’Dell,” the feline said, “as you know, as of today we’ve lost some twenty furs to the Alaskers, and one fishing village has been burned. This war has to stop.”
“Oh, yes yes yes, quite agree, old chap – er, Mr. President.”
“I want you to send a wire to New Haven City and ask them to help arbitrate this dispute.”
“Hm? Oh! Yes, yes, yes, absolutely! Splendid idea! The consulate up in – my my, where was it now – Kodiak, that’s it, Kodiak, agrees with you.”
“So the cantons want to stop this too?” the feline asked hopefully.
“Oh, yes. Yes yes yes. So I’ll wire the Foreign Ministry right away.”
***
May 12
Washington, DC:
The secretary knocked on the office door and waited. “Come in!” rang out, and the canine opened the door.
And almost flattened himself against the floor, as the stocky moose behind the desk was aiming a large-bore hunting rifle at him. The moose half-rose and said, “Damn, Carstairs, get on your feet! Any fool could see that the damn fool thing wasn’t loaded!”
“Yes, Mr. President,” Carstairs said as he stood up and dusted himself off. “Secretary Hay is outside, sir. He has something to discuss with you.”
Teddy Moosevelt broke the double-barreled shotgun open and studied the breech. “Send him in, then.”
There was a pause, and the Secretary of State walked in. “Theodore, we just received a telegram from Seathl.”
“Oh, those Rain Coast people? Nice forests up there, so I’m told. Might visit up there sometime. Well? What do they want?”
“They want our help in settling a shooting war between them and Alaska.”
“War? I didn’t hear anything about it,” the President said. “I’ve been busy with this business between the Japanese and the Russians. Now there’s a shooting war for you, John.”
“Yes, Mr. President. So, what shall I tell the Rain Coast ambassador?”
The moose looked up at him crossly. “Tell him – tell him that while the Government of the United States is aware of hostile actions between his nation and Alaska, the United States chooses to remain neutral in this matter. We are currently watching with the gravest concern matters between the Russian and Japanese Empires. There, that should satisfy him.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
***
May 13 – 25:
13MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL CLARIFY YOUR NUMBER 354 STOP WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY OPEN QUOTE LOAD ORANGES BARRELS BROTHERS KARAMAZOV CLOSE QUOTE QUERY ENDS
13MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 355 STOP NO IDEA WHAT YOU REFER TO STOP MESSAGE RAIN COAST AND ALASKA AT WAR STOP CLERKS NEW HAVEN CITY DRUNK AS USUAL STOP ENDS
13MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL YOUR 356 RECEIVED STOP NO GOOD TELLING US NOW STOP NEWSPAPERS ALREADY HAD NEWS STOP WHAT DO WE HAVE YOU FOR QUERY TELL YOUR CODE CLERKS SLEEP IT OFF AND REPORT DEVELOPMENTS STOP ENDS
14MAYO5 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC DEVIL TAKE YOUR NEWSPAPERS STOP SUGGEST HYGENIC USE FOR SAME STOP HAVE USED YOUR 357 FOR SAME PURPOSE STOP DO YOU WANT REPORT OR NOT QUERY SEND CLEAR RESPONSE YOU IDIOTS STOP ENDS
14MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 358 STOP FOR SHEER BONE HEADED IMPERTINENCE HARD TO BEAT STOP WOULD NOT WANT REPORT FROM LIKES OF YOU SENDING RELIEF NEXT TRAIN STOP ENDS
14MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 359 STOP GOVERNMENT RAIN COAST DESIRES NEW HAVEN ARIBTRATE DISPUTE ALASKA STOP CHRIST KNOWS WHY STOP WHO WOULD EVER WANT YOU CIVIC UNION LOUTS TO SETTLE ANYTHING OTHER THAN BARROOM ARGUMENT STOP ENDS
15MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 360 STOP COMMENCING INVESTIGATION OF YOUR CONDUCT YOU RED BANNER WAVING IMBECILE STOP WHERE THE HELL IS THIS REQUEST QUERY CEASE BABBLING LUNATIC SOAP BOX RUBBISH COMMA SEND COMMUNICATION IMMEDIATELY STOP ENDS
15MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 361 HAVE SENT REQUEST BY SECURE POUCH IDIOTS STOP ENDS
15MAYO5 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 362 HAVE YOU LOST MIND QUERY TRANS CONTINENTAL TRAIN TAKES THREE DAYS AND YOU HAVE REPORTED WAR STOP IDIOTS STOP RESPOND WHY LAST MESSAGE NOT IN CODE STOP ENDS
15MAY05 EMBSEATHL TO FORMINNHC RECEIVED YOUR 363 LIES AND SLANDER YOU CHITTERING CRETIN STOP DEMAND GENERAL ASSEMBLY ENQUIRY TO CLEAR HONOUR STOP YOU WANT ARBITRATION REQUEST OR NOT QUERY ENDS
16MAY05 FORMINNHC TO EMBSEATHL RECEIVED YOUR 364 YOUR RELIEF ON NEXT TRAIN STOP LIKELY GET THERE FASTER THAN COMMUNICATION HERE STOP ASSEMBLY VOTED LAST NIGHT YOUR CONDUCT COMMA YOU LOST BY TWENTY FIVE VOTES STOP PUT THAT IN PIPE AND SMOKE IT STOP ENDS
***
May 27
Seathl:
“Mr. Gray Elk? Your visitors are here.”
“Oh? Wonderful! Send them both in, please,” and the feline stood and straightened his tie as the secretary showed in the pair of envoys. When they walked in, Gray Elk knew he might be in trouble if he didn’t step carefully.
Both were foxes, one male and one female. The tod gave every sign of deference to the vixen, who was dressed in a skirt and blouse made of bark cloth with a patterned woolen cloak. Her face fur had been strategically shaved in a pattern of geometric lines and whorls, and white paint had been daubed on the exposed skin.
Gray Elk bowed deeply. “We are honored to be in your presence,” and he meant it. Being a tribesfur himself, he knew beyond all doubt that one never ever offended a shaman.
The shaman from the archipelago of Tillamooka, to the west of the Rain Coast, took a seat and arranged her cloak as her companion stood behind her. She glanced up at the tod, and she began to speak in her own language while the male fox translated.
“The Tribes of Tillamooka have seen the disharmony between their brothers in Alaska and the Rain Coast,” he said after listening for a moment, then added, “and with two empires at war to our West, it distresses us to see our brothers and sisters to the East in dispute.” There was a pause, and she looked at the feline inquiringly.
Gray Elk swallowed and said, “I am eager to find some way out of this problem, and I am told that – “
He never finished what he was about to say, because the vixen at that moment chose to turn in her seat and punch the tod in the stomach. He had been translating as Gray Elk spoke, and now doubled over, gasping while the feline debated whether or not to hide under his desk.
“Damn it, Billy!” the vixen said in heavily-accented English. “How I listen when you add words?” To the startled President she said, “I am sorry, but my English not so good, da? So I speak Tillamooka.”
Gray Elk nodded. “You want to be understood.”
“Da, da, pravilno! You got any fags? I no have had smoke since getting here.” He blinked stupidly at her for a moment before snatching his cigarette case off the desk and offering her one.
She looked up at him crossly. “It look like I have matches?”
“Oh! Sorry,” and he lit her cigarette. She inhaled and said something in her native tongue to the tod, who flinched. “As I was saying,” the feline said diffidently, “with all respect, Honored One, is that we want this war to end. There is no trade, and people are dying.”
The vixen listened to the translation, then nodded. She fixed the President with a steely glare and spoke as the tod translated: “At the next full moon the Tribes shall expect you and a group of those who rule your nation to gather with us at Tse-whit-sen. You will bring food, drink, and gifts – and you will stop fighting.”
The next full moon was a week away, and Gray Elk nodded. The shamans would have selected the exact time to intercede, and he knew it would be his hide if he failed to keep the appointment. “Of course, Honored One.”
She smoked a bit more, then stubbed the cigarette out in an ashtray and stood. Gray Elk bowed, and the vixen laid a paw on his head and intoned a blessing. She then walked out, her translator in tow.
The next day the Clarion reported that a cease-fire had been declared as envoys were sent to Tillamook.
***
Tse-whit-sen, Tillamooka
June 4, 1905:
The great Longhouse of the Tribes was an amazing symbol both of the cohesion of the confederated Tillamookan tribes (the non-aboriginal peoples, mostly Russian immigrants and a few ex-Yankee fishermen, counted as one distinct tribe) and their skill as woodcrafters. The mammoth cedar structure was intricately carved and by tradition was completely metal-free.
The Rain Coast delegation – Gray Elk, the Foreign Secretary, the War Secretary and four others - sat opposite the Alaskan group that included their War Leader and six cantonal leaders. They had been greeted at the wharf by shamans and the leaders of the nation bearing gifts of clothing.
Now dressed in doeskins and bark cloth, the two groups began to pass around a bowl of fermented pumpkin ale. When Gray Elk took his drink, drums began to beat as the assembled representatives of the Tillamookan tribes started to chant. When the leader of the Alaskan delegation, a brawny polar bear, took his drink masked acolytes began to dance.
After the second round the polar bear spoke up. “You lot started it, stealing our gold.”
“No,” said one of the Rain Coast furs, a brown bear. “You started it by boarding our boats.”
Back and forth the conversation went as the sun started to go down and platters of cooked salmon and chicken and more ale went around the room. The Tillamookan representatives would sit with the two warring groups, taking one side and then the other but nudging the positions inexorably closer together.
By the third day the two sides had agreed that the war had been started over Alaska’s anger over its pirated gold and dead furs, and its fear that the Rain Coast was victimizing it.
On the fourth day the Rain Coast delegation apologized for the burning of the Alaskan village of Boleslav, and the brown bear from the Rain Coast defeated the polar bear from Alaska in wrestling, two falls out of three.
By the fifth day both sides had agreed that the war was completely silly, had started over no good reason, and had agreed that solving the problem required a cooperative effort. A supplemental motion that the Tillamookan girls were very pretty was passed with one abstention.
By the sixth day Alaska’s War Leader had proposed marriage to the Rain Coast Assemblywoman from Williamton. She graciously declined, however, explaining that her husband might not understand.
***
Seathl
June 9, 1905:
“The delegation and I have returned with a Treaty in paw, ladies and gentlemen,” Gray Elk said to thunderous applause. He raised a paw to quiet the Assembly, noting that the other members of the delegation looked just as hung over as he felt.
A few days’ rest might set him right.
What the devil was in that pumpkin ale, anyway?
Gray Elk resumed, “We are now at peace with Alaska, but although the naval militias will be scaled back, the program will not be canceled. Alaska has agreed with us that they shall be used for anti-piracy patrols, and will help defray the costs of maintaining them,” and he sat down as the gallery cheered.
***
July 1, 1905:
The weasel surveyed his crew and the boat they sailed with a grim smile. Sure, they weren’t stealing gold any longer, but they were getting paid just to look around for any sign of pirates.
That pleased the leader. Maybe they could weed out some of the competition.
posted by Walt at 10:09 AM
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