Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Welfare Dad and Ol' Crazy Eyes

Watching the Republican field of candidates assembling and congealing is a bit like watching a train wreck in very slow motion. You can really catch the small details and fiddly bits that you might not see under ordinary circumstances.

Right now, the latest ones playing stupid-coy with the fans and the various wings of the Party (they're all right wings, so the bird doesn't soar like an eagle - it flops around, more or less, and won't get airborne to save its life) are Rick Perry of Texas and Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann of Minnesota.

Why are all the really stupid Republican governors named Rick? We have Rick "Fuck the Unions" Walker up in Wisconsin, Rick "Fuck the Teachers" Scott in Florida, and here's Rick "Fuck the USA" Perry.

Why does Rick Perry hate the United States of America? Well, back during the summer of 2009 Perry started playing footsie with those people in his state who think it'd be a wonderful idea to secede from the Union. This was surprising, for a number of reasons:

1. History teaches us that the last time a state seceded, it was a really bad time for said state.

2. Texas is one of those states that take in more revenue courtesy of the Federal government than they pay into Federal coffers in taxes. Secession, although popular with a certain segment of the Republicans in Texas, would be economic suicide.

However, it was politically popular for The Hair Boy, and enabled him to verbally lambaste "The Washington Liberals" while at the same time hiding the fact that the so-called 'Texas Miracle' was so much smoke, mirrors and the stink of cooked books. Texas has a budget deficit variously estimated but could be as high as $26 Billion dollars (think California with stupider people).

Perry is mumbling about how God might be "calling" him to run. I say he needs to up the dosage on his hair gel, and try to scotch those prevalent rumors that he's actually queer as a three dollar bill.


Back during the 1980 campaign, comedians remarked on the glassy, adoring gaze Nancy Reagan always seemed to be throwing at Ronnie. That has become a standard Republican look for women, but Bachmann take it to a whole new level.

It's been said that insanity can be caught from eye contact with crazy people. That's wrong, of course, but if you look too long at Michelle's eyes you start to feel that there might be a point to that old canard.

She's talking a big noise about God wanting her to run, which is odd - most of the candidates are assuming that the Big Guy wants them to run, when I'm sure the Big Guy would rather sit back and watch Vancouver win the Stanley Cup. However, she seems to be trying to emulate Sarah Palin.

Case in point: She was due to address the Polk County, Iowa GOP at their annual dinner. She didn't show up, apart from a badly done internet video. Most people in the hall were disappointed, a bunch left, and one guy called it a "disaster."

He's right. Michelle's a freaking disaster. She's so ignorant of history and the US Constitution that she's avoided challenges from a high school sophomore and a history professor rather than unveil the full scope and depth of her stupidity.

But the Republicans deserve them both.

And the train wreck continues.


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