"The Wreck of the Willard Mitt Romney"

C'mon, you know the tune!

The story lives on from Abe Lincoln on down

Of the Party that’s called Grand and Old

The Party, it’s said, won’t give up a State Red

Till the votes of November are all polled.

With a fortune, we guess, a quarter-billion or less

Had Willard Mitt Romney for campaignin,’

That good family man set up a staff and had a plan

To win on the sixth of November.

The primaries were loud and did nobody proud

As the candidates sniped and bickered

As primaries go it was dirtier than most

And went on for so long we got tired.

The Convention was rare, with Clint’s empty chair

And a smackdown of Ron Paul supporters

And later that year the debates brought little cheer

With gaffes being thrown from all quarters.

The voices on Fox made a sound like bullshit

And a Wave was glimpsed on the horizon.

And ev'ry man knew, as Rush Limbaugh did too

That the down-ticket races were essential.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait

When the Polls of November had opened

When afternoon came the outcome was in doubt

As the pundits all hedged and opined.

When suppertime came Eric Fehrnstrom showed his face

And said, “We’ll take back America!”

At 11 PM his composure caved in and he said

“Guys, it’s been good to know ya!”

Karl Rove tweeted in he had numbers comin’ in

And Dick Morris said he had ‘The’ polling,

And later that night as the Democrats won the fight

Came the wreck of the Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney!

Does anyone know where the love of God goes

When the voting turns minutes to hours?

The pundits all know he’d have won Ohio

If they’d had another weekend to campaign!

They might have lied or been betrayed by Ron Paul

Or the fault lay in the Party’s main platform.

And all that remains is the faces and the names

Of the Cains and Santorums and Bachmanns!

New Hampshire’s snows, Iowa’s corn rows

And the pastures up in Wisconsin.

Florida steams amid her suburbanites’ dreams

And the blizzard of waste-paper adverts.

And farther up north Ohio holds forth

As the state that is the swingiest of all;

And the politicians all know as the pollsters will show

That the Buckeye State is most needed.

In a fancy-ass church in Salt Lake City they prayed

As the choir sang “We’ll Meet Again.”

Fox News rang with sobs till they’d all gotten jobs

For each man on the Romney Campaign.

The story lives on from Abe Lincoln on down

Of the Party that’s called Grand and Old

The Party, it’s said, won’t give up a State Red

Till the votes of November are all polled!