The One-Percent Holiday Song

(Sung to the tune of 'O Tannenbaum,' because why not.)


Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why are you so sad this year?

Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why should I shed a single tear?

This Christmastime it's plain to see
It's none for you, and all for me!

Oh Ninety-nine, oh Ninety-nine,
Why don't you get off your lazy rear?