Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Sifting the Ashes

Good day, dear readers. I hope you have your Haz-Mat suits on.


Okay, let's go.

Now that Bernie Sanders has taken the suspense out of the Missouri Democratic Primary by conceding that race to Hillary Clinton (they split the delegates more or less evenly, with Clinton getting one more than Sanders because she was leading, so there), we can analyze the entire result of Stupor Tuesday.

Democrats first, because alphabetical order. Clinton scored a sweep of the five state races on Tuesday, hiking up her delegate count and making it that much harder for Sanders. Still, Sanders is in it to win it, so expect more polite discussions about actual, substantive policies - much to the chagrin of the news media, who will no doubt send out lorarii to goad them into fighting each other.

Now, onward to the Republicans. We begin with the biggest news of the night:


Little Boots, a/k/a Marco Rubio, Senator of Florida, graciously conceded to the Trump and his Trumpanzees after failing to win his home state of Florida. "Failed to win his home state," what am I saying? The stupid little brain-addled shithead managed to carry his home county, and nothing else in the Sunshine State. All in all, it was a humiliating defeat, and if you had 'humiliating' as your keyword for a drinking game that night, you're likely still in the hospital, recovering from your alcoholic coma.

Rafael Cruz continued to nibble at Trump's heels, coming in a solid second in Illinois, Missouri and North Carolina. Hey, Rafael! Do you know what else is called Number Two?


That's you.

The second-biggest news came out of Ohio. You know, the state whose name is high in the middle and round on both ends?

And John Kasich had to be high as a goddam kite on something as he acknowledged the plaudits of his followers following his win of his home state. By winning Ohio, he manages to stay in the race for a while longer, and it makes it a bit harder for Trump to get a clear path to the Great Green Weenie of Nomination.

Of course, Kasich also pulled the very long bow by saying that he was going to win the nomination in Cleveland.

Yeah, right.

One analyst opined that The Reverse Mullet will have to win at least 60% of the remaining races to hit the magic number.

Which leads me to Donald Trump.

The Rude Pundit and Maestro Driftglass have already said it, and far more trenchantly than I could, so I'll content myself with a few points:

1. The odds of Trump winning the Great Green Weenie are very close to 90% at this time, within a 10% margin of error (this is because we still have half the country yet to vote). If he hits the magic number, he gets the coveted Suffering All the Way to Havana Award.

2. Trump's inflammatory, if not incendiary rhetoric has fomented violence against the people who stand up and say stuff that the Trumpanzees don't want to hear. Trump's lying through his fucking teeth when he says there's been "no violence" at his rallies.

3. Trump's assertion that there'll be 'riots' in Cleveland if he doesn't get the nomination is mighty damned close to incitement.

There's two more rounds of voting to close out this month, and then we have April, May and June to deal with.

The decontamination showers are over there, and remember to clean your suits out before you leave.


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