Saturday, October 22, 2005


Schadenfreude's a German word, and it basically means "joy from other's sorrow." So, whose sorrow can I draw joy and comfort from this weekend? Who has so far screwed things up that the sound of approaching tumbrils fills them with bowel-churning dread and me with the kind of ethereal pleasure normally associated with good sex?

Let's call the roll:

Tom DeLay - Oooh, yeah, Tommy Boy, that mug shot looks like a maiden aunt (a mean one) in male drag. When you were walking to the courthouse that day, could you have at least stopped mincing like a godsdamned nancy boy? You and your fathead lawyer are giving jurisprudence a bad name. And attacking the judge's politics was pure genius. I suppose that if I get hauled in on a DUI, I should try to get the judge to recuse himself if he donated to the Sheriff's election campaign.

Bill Frist - Bill, you're an asshole. Plain and simple. And you look like a cross between the Cryptkeeper and Leonid Brezhnev.

"Scooter" Libby - Who the hell keeps their childhood nickname into their middle-aged years? Oh, wait a minute, I know - lisping manchildren. Libby, you are probably going to end up on the ash heap of history, because what you did was not just a crime, but treason.

Karl Rove - The Man With Flesh-Colored Hair continues to ooze his way around official Washington, leaving a slick trail of slime wherever he goes. But now he starts to sweat as buttery emollients seep from his pores and he realizes that he has performed one too many political dirty tricks. The ghost of Lee Atwater looks down on his protege and says, "Dumbass."

Condoleezza Rice - Good going in front of the Senate committee, Condi. Was the Administration lying about Iraq in 2002, or is it lying about Iraq now? We DO have things called videotape and long-term memories, you stupid bitch.

Pat Robertson - I just finished talking to God, and He's very mad at you. Watch your back.

George W Bush - According to unnamed sources in the White House, Dear Leader's profane and childish temper tantrums are getting more frequent and more obvious to everyone. Even the Slave Media are starting to report it in magazines like Time. His choice of Tabula Rasa for Supreme Court managed to start the one thing we in the Real World hoped he'd do - piss off his core constituency, that vast crowd of blood-crazed Death worshippers who would march willingly off a cliff if their high priests told them it's "what Jesus wants."

Enough. I need a shower.


Blogger a rose is a rose said...

please don't insult the cryptkeeper!

9:32 AM EDT  

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