Friday, December 07, 2007

The Nattering Nabobs of Nihilism

(With apologies to Pat Buchanan for the theft of his great alliteration.)

The Nabobs of Nihilism were out in full cry this week, starting with the disclosure of a revised National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) that revealed that Iran had stopped their nuclear weapons program back in 2003.

Apart from making Bush and Cheney's overheated rhetoric appear as so much fart gas, it was fun to see the Administration try to spin this in a way that didn't make El Presidente look like a fatuous liar.

Nothing worked, of course. Chief of Staff Hadley, I have a question for you - oh, and a follow up: "How long have you been keeping information from your boss? And, are you aware that this makes the Administration look like a bigger pack of fools than they're already perceived to be?"

So now the Natterers are blaming the intelligence community for leaking the assessment. They might want to watch themselves; I'm sure the FBI never stopped the practice of maintaining files on everyone after the transvestite Hoover died.

Speaking of Natterers, the most nihilist of them all, Rudy Giuliani, tried to wriggle his way like an eel coated in KY away from the fact that he supplied police protection (at the city's expense) to his mistress while Mayor of New York. New Yorkers will forgive a lot, Rudy, but not fucking with their money. And the story's spreading around, so Rudy's gonna hit the skids soon, I think.

Which leads me inexorably to Mittens Romney and Mike Huckleberrydumbshit. We'll start with the Huckster, since I am of the firm opinion that no ordained minister should EVER be allowed to hold elective office in this country (it requires you to cut corners on your faith, which will put you in Dutch with the Deity).

Okay, Huck talks to God, but that just means he needs medication; the millstone currently bending him over like a wet taco is serial rapist/murder Wayne Dumond. It appears that Huck was first asked to commute the sentence (already lowered by a previous Governor) because the rapist's victim was a cousin of - gasp! - Bill Clinton. Could Dumond be Huck's Willie Horton? Stay tuned ...

Now, speaking of religion (what Marx called the opium of the masses), we suffered through a speech by Mittens a couple days ago that was billed as just like Kennedy's speech to a pack of Protestant ministers back in the '60 campaign. Well, Skeezix, you asked for it - you are no John F. Kennedy.

See, Kennedy had a different problem than you have - he had to convince Americans (many of whom are just as bigoted now as then) that he would be his own man and wouldn't be taking orders from the Pope of Rome. Anti-Catholic bias was very strong in this country, and there were certain groups that didn't want a damned Papist in the White House.

You, Willard, don't have that problem - your problem is that many of the "Christian conservatives" you are trying to woo think you're a member of an heretical sect and are very suspicious of you.

Did you convince them? Probably not. And you said something that, coupled with Rudy's earlier verbal afflatus about "Freedom is about authority," quite frankly has me considering the Socialist candidate for President. You said that "Freedom requires religion."

"Freedom requires religion."

With all respect to your Magic Mormon Underoos, Mittens, but fuck you. The Declaration of Independence (great document, but it's not the law) states that liberty is one of the "inalienable rights" granted by our Creator. So, it's a right. Doesn't say shit about requiring religion.

In fact, the First Amendment says quite categorically that the State will not set up an official religion. And the Constitution (the supreme law of the land) says that there will be NO religious test for public office in this country.

If I choose to worship Cthulhu, or dance naked around a fire this coming Solstice, or worship Yahweh or Buddha or Shiva or Great Mumbo-Jumbo God of the Congo or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that's my choice. If I run for public office, whatever my religion may be will not be a factor. You should have reminded people about that.

Ah, but you weren't allaying the concerns of Protestant ministers like Kennedy was doing. You were sucking up to the American Taliban in hopes of taking votes away from Huckabee.

I watch my Party implode with an odd mixture of glee and disappointment.


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