Mister Inevitable and Crunching Numbers

The Rise of Mittens ... Santorum Stays the Course As the Band Plays Nearer, My God, To Thee ... Gingrich's Sugar Daddy Blues ... Paul Who? ... Obamacare and the Ryan Budget: Both Better and Worse Than You Think ...

The polls had barely closed in Maryland and the District of Columbia tonight when the media declared the races for Mittens "Put Another Dog on the Car Roof" Romney. Wisconsin took a bit longer, as there is that pesky time zone difference. The upshot of it is that Mittens pulled a hat-trick.

I can hear you sighing from here. "So what?" I hear you say, gentle reader. "I mean, seriously? So effing what? Everyone knows that Romney's going to be the nominee; why do you keep on torturing us?"

Hey, I reply, I feel your pain. But I watch this dreck so you don't have to, then sanitize it, whip it into a fondue and serve it to you lovingly garnished with lark's vomit.

Romney is inching closer and closer to the Magic Number he might need to get the Great Green Weenie of Nomination in Tampa, as well as picking up more and more tepid endorsements from such authoritarian Conservative luminaries as Martin Bormann and Rush Limbaugh. But what are the others doing? Have they, like Rick Perry, sobered up from their doses of painkillers?

Not a chance, people.

Ayatollah Rick Santorum (R-Gilead) is determined to stay in the race, despite coming in a poor second in tonight's races (he wasn't on the ballot in DC, I believe). His main money man has said that he'll keep on cutting the checks in hopes that Santorum will win and force every virgin to hold an aspirin between her legs. You know, to prevent pregnancy.

Newton Gingrich's sugar daddy, Sheldon Adelson, has stopped cutting checks. Gingrich would logically drop out, right?

Wrong.

Logic is not part of the Republican agenda this cycle, so Newton is staying in the race. He economized by getting rid of a third of the lower-echelon campaign workers (they will probably be rendered into 'pink slime' for barbecued pork), his campaign manager, and is charging everyone who wants a picture with him $50. I'm waiting for him to start pimping Callista to keep the campaign bus gassed up.

Gingrich was stuck with Ron Paul in either third or fourth place in all three contests, a position in which they should feel quite comfortable. Matter of fact, Ron Paul is staying in; as he put it in a Sunday appearance on Bullshit the Nation, he's trying to save the Republican Party.

That actually cheered me up. I, too, want to destroy the Party in order to save it.

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case of Obamacare v Freedom, and may be resolved to strike down the individual mandate portion of the law. There's no Plan B to bring it back, although the GAO has determined that our debt as a percentage of GDP may exceed the historical maximum of 109% set back in 1946 if the Affordable Care Act is negated. However, taking out the mandate might not cripple the rest of the law.

A historical parallel can be drawn from the 1930s, where the Supreme Court struck down the National Recovery Act (the linchpin of FDR's New Deal). FDR retaliated by trying to pack the Court, raising it from nine to sixteen. I'm not sure Obama even considered that route, but he might campaign on it - something like, "This was an originally conservative and Republican idea, and my de facto opponent (who put together the same thing in Massachusetts) has nothing to replace it with."

Crippling the health care system is small potatoes, though, compared to the hideous abortion known as the GOP budget plan for the fiscal year 2013. It's appropriate that the hatchet-faced Whiny Ass Titty Baby Paul Ryan (R-WAHHH!) brought this out in 2012, as it's little short of apocalyptic.

Pretty basically, it fixes all government spending at 3.25% of GDP. The 3 is for Defense; the 0.25 is everything else - Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. etc. etc.

His plan sets the top tax rate for the richest Americans at 25%, which is lower than at any year since Hoover was President (not a President the GOP should point at with pride). It also sets up a Medicare voucher program, and would change Medicaid into block grants given directly to the states to mismanage as they see fit.

But, I hear you ask, what about Education? Job Training? Research and Development?

Sorry. The Ryan Budget doesn't give you shit for any of that.

A Chinese analyst told the New York Times recently that China already views the United States as a superpower in decline - declining politically, militarily, economically and socially.

The Ryan budget will only reinforce that, which makes you wonder which members of the GOP caucus are paid agents of the People's Republic of China.