This is not Chris Christie, the Governor of the State of New Jersey. It's a picture of actor Ian McNeice as the Baron Vladimir Harkonnen from Dune, but it gets the point across.
New Jersey state and local politics are invariably fun to watch; almost as tainted as Louisiana's, in fact. Christie, the bloated thug that he is, has made for good copy in the newspapers and he recently slid like a bloated slug to an easy victory in his re-election campaign. There have been whispers (yeah, like shouting from the rooftops is a godsdamned whisper) that Christie might actually run for President in 2016 as the Great White Man-Hope candidate.
Imagine legions of Republicans salivating at the prospect - a white man reclaiming the White House, a Republican who appreciates a good meal and won't be a bluenose about people maybe not eating a healthy diet or exercising. It's a great vision for America, isn't it?
Well, maybe not.
You see, gentle readers, there are a few things about Chris Christie that the Zombie, Whacko and Fox wings of the Grand Old Party find a bit suspect. For starters, his embarrassing embrace of President Obama in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, coupled with the request for Federal aid in the first place (in a conservative universe, it seems, you're supposed to suck it up and do for yourself when disaster strikes, or have your neighbors pitch in - good luck with that). Second, although he sailed to re-election in the Garden State, a lot of the rest of the country considers Christie to be a fat blowhard who bullies people. Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother the Republicans, because IOKIYAR; however, the Grand Plan to deny voting rights to the young, minorities, the poor and women hasn't reached its ultimate expression in the full return of Jim Crow. It'd be a hard slog, and there are questions about whether Christie's heart can take it.
Third is the developing magilla known now as Bridgegate.
Here's what happened: Back in August of 2012, the Mayor of Fort Lee (a Democrat) failed or refused to endorse Christie for re-election. On the first day of the school year, several of the roads leading onto the George Washington Bridge (which has its NJ terminus in Fort Lee) were closed, resulting in 4-hour delays and downstream traffic disruptions that lasted several days.
The Port Authority was asked "What the fuck?" (This is New Jersey, after all.) The Port Authority (whose head is a Christie crony of some description) replied that it was a traffic study, so shut up.
However, there's a few emails . . . yep, you heard me. Emails.
People still haven't learned that emails tend to stick to you like gum. An email surfaced (the people in question thought it'd be clever to use their personal email accounts) suggesting that a traffic jam might be in order after the Mayor's refusal; a response came back swiftly: "Got it."
A further email queried if it was wrong to smile at the pain of parents and children, then dismissed it by saying that the victims were Democrats, so it was okay.
Since one half of this conversation is Christie's Deputy Chief of Staff, and the other is the aforementioned Port Authority nabob, things look a bit sticky for Christie.
For his part, the Fat Man stated that his staff had told him everything about it. Of course, he was either lying out his bloated ass, or his staffers and cronies were lying out of their asses. Either way his Presidential ambitions might be sailing into shoal water.
Stay tuned, and keep the popcorn handy.