Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Two in the Stink

We'll just get the technical stuff out of the way first, dear readers, before we move on to The Weird.

The primaries back on Tuesday night were a triumph for Donald Trump as he took all five of the states (Rhode Island, Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, and the biggest prize of the night. Pennsylvania). Rafael Cruz managed a poor third in most of the states, failing to even beat John Kasich.

Which goes to show you that screeching about "Northeastern elites" and "New York values" can backfire on you just a teensy bit.

Hillary Clinton took four of the five states, with Bernie Sanders getting only Rhode Island. It's starting to get close for Bernie, and he knows it - his campaign is reportedly beginning to shed staffers, a sure-fire signal that the campaign is starting to wind down. It's good timing if Sanders is, in fact, planning on ending his run, allowing the Democrats to unify well in advance of the convention.

Even the most ardent believer must eventually acknowledge objective reality.

You won't see such bowing to reality over on the Republican side, with neither of the three candidates even thinking about getting out before the Cleveland riots - er, convention. Kasich has no way of getting close to the magic 1237 number of delegates. but is hanging on like grim death in hopes that a deadlocked convention will turn its longing eyes to him and anoint him the Nominee out of pity.

Trump, on the other pseudopod, has no such hopes. He only has to win about half of the remaining delegates to assure himself of the Great Green Weenie on the first ballot, and has publicly announced that he considers himself the presumptive nominee of the GOP.

Which thrills the Rubes, and drives home what I said on March 27, 2011:

"He's certainly got all the narcissism and delusions of grandeur necessary to be a modern politician, plus the Slave Media love him to tiny bits. Speaking of tiny bits, he's also a serial adulterer like Gingrich, a full-class Birther and able to spread a smooth layer of bullshit. I can see a theme of his campaign speeches: "Vote for a Rich Man - The Poor Man's Friend." The Tea Party will lick the soles of his designer shoes."

No less a douchebag than Charles Koch has suggested - publicly - that maybe Hillary Clinton would be a better choice than Trump.

Trump gave his first major foreign relations speech yesterday, and it was very short on details (as described by the campaign - don't want to burden The Donald's bird-like mind). One observer opined that it was very much like Trump hired a nerd to write one of his term papers for him.

The campaign not only dumbed down the content, they put it on a teleprompter (a device for which Trump routinely excoriates Obama and Clinton), so that Trump wouldn't wander off the reservation as he usually does. His delivery came off as stilted and wooden as a result. The speech itself was largely an exercise in contradictions (our allies don't think we can be relied upon, so let's leave NATO and charge them for our services, just as an example).

By far the silliest bit in a silly day came Wednesday afternoon.

Rafael Cruz chose a running mate. Yes, the guy who's getting his ass regularly beaten by Trump and whose path to the nomination is fast dwindling, decided that the best boost he could give his campaign would be to choose a Vice President three months before the convention. With the stench od desperation hanging over his campaign like a shitmist, Cruz had to be seen to Do Something.

Now, who would a man widely known as the most hated man in the US Senate choose to run alongside him? Why, simple! Someone even more unpopular than him!

Meet Carly "Destroyer of Jobs" Fiorina, folks.

Horseface broke into song at one point, which added just that final bit of Bizarro to what had been a completely mental day of As the Republican Party Turns.

What does this all mean? My take on possible outcomes:

1. Sanders will eventually bow out, probably before California.

2. Kasich will stagger into Cleveland just in time to help the janitors sweep up.

3. The Cuyahoga River will burn like the Lake of Fire as the GOP make one last demented try at stopping Trump.

4. Trump will choose Chris Christie as his VP nominee (because a New Yorker would consider that enough regional diversity to balance the ticket).

5. Rafael will take his Carly and bolt the Party, taking a solid minority with him and splitting the Republican vote.

6. Somehow, all of this will be good news for John McCain.


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