Saturday, September 17, 2005

Punk of the Week Award

The Punk of the Week Award is usually reserved for the greatest Punk or Punkette of the past seven days so that their Punkery can be revealed for all the non-Punk world to gape at.

This week, the Golden Buttock is adorned with Mardi Gras beads because it's being awarded to:

His Excellency and Imposer of the Pax Americana Upon Prostrate Enemies, Anointed by the God of Death to Everyone but People Who Really Deserve It, Our Dear Leader and President, George W Bush.

Dear Leader went on national TV earlier this week to give an address he could have phoned in. It was composed largely of talking points and budget initiatives designed to make the national deficit grow out of all proportion while providing his and Dick Cheney's friends with steady, gainful employment for the rest of their squalid lives.

For the occasion, Bush spoke from Jackson Square in the heart of New Orleans, and people rejoiced when the lights came back on. That rejoicing immediately subsided into muted grumbling as Dear Leader stepped back onto Air Force One for a return to Washington. It would not be like our Potemkin President to leave any infrastructure behind, oh no - that might be something Christ would do.

In the news today Dear Leader swore that he would not raise taxes to help offset the $200 Billion cost of reconstruction. Instead, he'll cut spending on programs. Hmm. What sort of programs will he cut?

The "mini-nukes?"

The "rods from God" orbital weapons system?

His own paycheck?

Hell no. He'll cut domestic spending, including education and social welfare programs, as well as scaling back environmental regulations and other irksome (irksome to the False Republicans, that is) 'drains' on the budget.

For being the Biggest Punk of the Week, we hastily throw the Golden Buttock to George Bush.


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