When News Breaks, Get Out The Glue Gun

ABC just broke into their programming with a "Very Important Announcement." So Very Important, in fact, that it rousted Diane Sawyer and George Big Hair out of bed to tell a waiting world that ...

Rich Santorum is suspending his campaign.

Now, in politic-speak, 'suspending' means the same thing as 'finally putting the limping thing out of its misery.' I expect the wannabe Ayatollah to spin it that he's 'suspending' the campaign because his daughter Bella just got out of the hospital.

Why was she in the hospital? I don't care. It could have been the dreaded Knee Lurgi, for all I know.

But if this is his actual reason, 'tis laudable that he apparently does, in fact, have some human feelings, and I wish him and his family all the best.

Now, what do you think they're doing over in the Romney camp?

I think they're all like


at the prospect of shrugging aside the threat posed by Dumbass Rick so they can finish the Romney Terminator Magical Mystery Tour to Tampa. Gingrich and Paul can now be quite safely ignored at this point.

So there is no joy in Santorumville, because Limp Ricky is striking out.

There is dancing in the streets (in the most decorous and restrained Mormon fashion) in Romneytown.

It's going to be a crazy seven months.