Wednesday, May 04, 2016

A Right Hoosier Hosing

Or, ousTED.

Rafael Cruz stated before the Indiana primary that the Hoosier State was his 'firewall' - that is, he would pin the hopes of his flagging campaign for the GOP nomination on winning that state or, at the very least, denying Donald Trump the clean sweep he craved.

The night ended with Cruz eliminaTED, as the Senator from Alberta dropped trou, bent over, and offered Trump the time-honored anal prolapse known as the Goatse of Concession. Trump (who earlier had suggested that Cruz's father helped the man who assassinaTED John F. Kennedy) was pleased to accept it, in the manner of a baboon accepting the submissive posture offered by an inferior member of the troop.

Cruz's concession was a long-winded, bitchy-toned, and piously platitudinous pastiche of passe political prose. He then inadvertently elbowed his long-suffering and possibly abused wife Heidi in the face as he hugged her.

Carly Fiorina now holds the title of Shortest VP Pick Ever, being Cruz's losing mate for only 7 days. She did win in that category, beating out Richard Schweiker (24 days) and Tom Eagleton (18 days). I think she was trying to look a bit downcast, but all the plastic surgery and Botox have assured the Demon Sheep of a permanently creepy expression for the rest of her life.

John Kasich won only about eight percent of the vote in Indiana, and is no doubt wondering how a governor of a neighboring state with the charisma of Scott Walker and the media savvy of Tim Pawlenty could have possibly lost.

Unless Kasich bows out, he can look forward to consistently coming in fourth in a two-man race.

Donald Trump accepted the Suffering All the Way to Havana award, given to all prospective nominees who are now inevitably going to get the Great Green Weenie but must still get through the remaining primaries. It gives him time to polish his invective and flood the airwaves with constant waves of bullshit regarding the putative Democratic nominee.*

Speaking of Hillary Clinton, she lost to Bernie Sanders in Indiana, but her delegate lead is sufficient to help her weather the loss. I think, and some pundits agree, that Sanders is staying in the race all the way to June in order to make sure that his views on the issues remain heard.

So, what's up next?

There are six more primaries slated for the month of May, and California looms like a vast bowl of pus on June 7. The entire cycle will be complete with the all-important Democratic primary in the District of Columbia on June 14th.

The possibility of a contested convention in Cleveland has now withered like a clump of sphagnum moss in a blast furnace, and despite the wet dreams of the Berniebros I really doubt that we'll see anything similar in Philly. Still, there are mutterings that the RNC will decide on a third party run to fight Trump.

And the reasons for that will be the subject of another post.

*And the Media will be happy to give him the air time for free.  Trump's great for ratings, after all, and the so-called journalists of all ideological stripes are vying with the Tea Partiers in licking his made in China designer shoes.


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