Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Great Green Weenie of Nomination

And lo, two thousand sixty-one GOP convention delegates, most of whom were thoroughly jazzed on BBQ pulled pork, cheap beer and even cheaper (though Florida-made) methamphetamine, gathered together in the City of Tampa's convention center and voted to award Willard 'Mitt' Romney the Great Green Weenie of Nomination.

Yes, dear readers, it was Nomination Day yesterday, and to all but the diehard Paul delegates it was a foregone conclusion.

But what else happened yesterday?

For starters, the Romney camp ensured that a two-thirds vote of the Republican National Politburo can override or change any rule or platform plank voted on by the delegates yesterday.  That had quite a few waterheads in the blogosphere and Twitterverse screaming, flicking wads of rabid virtual spittle all over the Internet.

And that platform?  A draconic and genuinely atavistic lump of swill, yet perfectly spelling out the GOP agenda for America - a country where the rich get a lot richer, the poor get a LOT poorer, science is a Satanic/Communist plot, and no one is permitted any fun whatsoever (unless it's church bingo).

But last night was also "We Built It" night, folks.

"We Built It."  Okay, so what might "It" be?

The convention center?  Sixty-two percent of the money for it came from taxpayers.  So that isn't it.

Practically all of the business owners Romney trotted out to refute Obama's purported statement (which they didn't, or won't ever, show because you can't get that much editing done without it being visible, no matter how good you are at Photoshop) rely on government business loans or contracts.  And the roads, sewers, etc. - I seem to recall those are public infrastructure, paid for by public money.

I had time to reflect on this as I drove today along the National Defense Interstate Highway System, that sea-to-shining-sea monument to Marxism established by that Red Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Oh wait - Ike was a Republican.  Hmm.

Last night was also "Let's Introduce Mittens!" Night.  They pumped Ayatollah Santorum full of antipsychotic drugs, but he still managed to blow the racist dog whistle as loudly as possible.  So loudly, in fact, that pooches as far away as Sri Lanka cocked their heads and said, "What the fuck?"

Chris Christie was pulled away from his trough long enough to snarl at the audience, and only mentioned Romney once.  That was calculation on Christie's part - he knows that he can take a crack at the top job in 2016, so he'll try to make a mark on the delegates.  He could have pissed on them, because that's how he rolls.

But they also trotted out Ann Romney, to try very hard and trowel some humanity onto the Well-Coiffed 2x4 in hopes that most voters won't immediately confuse him for being a department store mannequin.

And so, onward! 


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