Obligatory Friday Sex Post

"Birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love!"

And, apparently, so do bats.

For many years now it's been known that fellatio is practiced by humans (no kidding, right?) as well as by juvenile male bonobo monkeys. Well a team of researchers have discovered that the short-nosed fruit bat also engages in such behavior.

The study showed that the practice affected the amount of time the bats were mating; the males who received a bit of oral magic from the mates stayed longer.

Naturally, more research needs to be done to continue stretching the boundaries of naughtiness.

The Graveyard of Empires

I will read foreign news websites as a matter of course in order to build up a more comprehensive view of the news than the pablum offered up by the American cable news networks. I ran across a speech given back on October 24th by Paul McGeough, a senior reporter for Australia's Sydney Morning Herald.

In the speech, Mr. McGeough has some unkind but prophetic things to say about our war in Afghanistan, and the title of the article gives the basic thrust of his argument - that the Afghan insurgency has come back, more virile and more vicious than ever, and is more widespread now.

And all thanks to us and our allies.

McGeough cites a report submitted by a Colonel K. Tsagalov dated August 17, 1987, only 18 months before the commanding general of the Soviet forces in Afghanistan was the last Russian to leave that country. He points out the eerie similarity between Colonel Tsagalov's report and the declassified situation report given by our commander there, General McChrystal.

McChrystal points out that the Taliban have once again become a dominant force in the country and the Kabul government's writ runs thin in spots. We went in promising big things - prosperity, freedom, democracy - and we haven't delivered.

I'll repeat that.

We went in promising big things - prosperity, freedom, democracy - and we haven't delivered.

I can think of two reasons why we have failed to deliver on our promises - and I will be repeating myself from posts I have thrown out here in the past.

One, we failed to learn from the experience of others. Alexander of Macedon tried to subdue the tribes, and failed. In the 1800s the British and Russians, in the course of the Great Game, tried and failed (the British tried about three times, as I recall). In 1979 the Soviet Union tried it, and admitted defeat in 1989. Not for nothing is Afghanistan sometimes called "the graveyard of empires."

Two, we took our eyes off the ball. We had the Taliban leadership and Osama bin Laden trapped in the Tora Bora Mountains near the Pakistani border, and we allowed them to escape into friendly territory. Why? Because the Bush Administration listened to Vice President Cheney and the neoconservative Project for a New American Century (PNAC) and decided that we needed to invade Iraq - on the flimsiest of pretexts, may I remind you, gentle reader.

General McChrystal's recommendations for thousands more troops and billions more dollars in aid might have worked - back in 2002 or 2003, as Mr. McGeough points out. One anecdote cited comes from a supposed Taliban prisoner who purportedly said, "The trouble with you Americans is you have watches – we have time.”

We gave them that time, through the previous Administration's criminal negligence and outright fraud, perpetrated upon an American nation too distracted by Bright Shiny Things to care that our money and our people were being fed into a hopeless sausage grinder of a war. All the Taliban have to do is wait us out, because the longer we stay, the more we are seen as an occupier and oppressor. More and more Afghans will consider oppression at the hands of locals to be preferable to oppression at the hands of foreigners.

I'm now going to bring up a rather ugly story.

If you're of a Certain Age, like I am, you'll get this story right off.

It's the story of Br'er Rabbit and the Tar Baby. And YES, I know it's rather hideously racist - bear with me.

The point that was made in the story is that the more the Rabbit fought the Tar Baby, the more hopelessly trapped he became. He was only saved by tricking his enemies into hurling him into the briar patch, because only then could he extricate himself.

The choice being given to the Obama Adminstration is a simple one - the Tar Baby, or the Briar Patch. Because one way or another we have to extricate ourselves from this mess. The current death toll of US and Allied troops in Afghanistan is 1,469; we must grasp the nettle (another briar patch metaphor) and extricate ourselves. Our economy cannot sustain the continued effort, and a growing segment of the American people are no longer willing to stand for it.

Now, the consequences.

President Obama will take a massive hit to his popularity, but he doesn't seem to care much about that anyway so it's a non-issue. We will likely retain a covert presence along the Afghan-Pakistan border for years to come in hopes that Mullah Omar and Osama come out of hiding so we can kill them. President Karzai and the Afghan National Government will likely fall amid a rash of executions and at least one pogrom. The 2010 bi-election and the 2012 Presidential election might go against the Democrats unless the economy improves.

But we will have extricated ourselves from Afghanistan.

Obligatory Friday Sex Post

Yes, the election of Barack Obama last November signaled the possibility of change in this great land of ours. And nowhere was that more apparent than in the fecundity and amativity (or, 'horniness') of Republican men.

As reported by ABC News, a study showed that testosterone levels in men who voted for John McCain or Robert Barr dropped about 40 minutes after Obama's election was announced, while the levels of those men who voted for the Democratic candidate stayed about the same.

This is possibly significant, says the study, since testosterone levels tend to fluctuate throughout the day.

What is significant is the possibility that true, red-blooded, virile American men know what's good for them - and they stand tall and proud to see Obama in the White House, rather than a short and somewhat flaccid older man.

Soupy Sales, RIP

Midweek Naughtiness Post

A horse is a horse
Of course, of course
And no one can have sexual intercourse
With a horse
Of course ...

That's because it's against the law, as a man named James Tait discovered in Columbia, Tennessee recently. He was caught and arrested having sex with stud horses, ponies and dogs on a farm there, and it's not the first time, either.

I shall wait for the collective "Eww!" to die down.

I mean, honestly, aren't there enough hookers in the world that a guy has to trespass beyond his own species to get some kicks?

Just remember this, zoophiles:

Neigh Means Neigh!

News-related Rant for October 20, 2009

From M2C News, here's Your Humble Announcer.

Another guy was nabbed by the FBI on espionage charges. The man, a former scientist with NASA among other government agencies, is charged with trying to sell national secrets to Israel. When will we learn that the Israelis are NOT our friends?

(Oooh, you shouldn't say that! That's antisemitism!)

(Fuck you.)

Swiss authorities refused to allow the release of convicted pedophile and fugitive Roman Polanski, saying that he was a flight risk. Gee, I wonder why?

The health care reform process is still going, and I'm waiting to see how far over the Democratic 'leadership' will bend over and take it up the chute just to get Olympia Snowe to give her grudging consent to the bill. My guess? Plenty far.

Former Florida House Speaker and current Darling of the Wingnut Right Marco Rubio is still showing strength in the polls against current Governor and US Senate Charlie "I'm NOT Gay, Really" Crist. Rubio's in for a rude shock if he makes it into the Senate - why do you think Mel Martinez is leaving, Marco?

Speaking of wingnuts, these tiny-brained loudmouths continue to bark and howl sedition, secession and armed rebellion against the government of the United States. Under a GOP government, their ravings would be dismissed as noise; but with scumbubbles showing up armed at Presidential functions you really have to wonder when these assholes will stop talking and start shooting. Scant wonder that the Secret Service is considering abandoning its law enforcement function in favor of protective services (threats against the President have increased 400% - and guess who's making those threats? Hint: It's not liberals.)

And from our Sports Desk:

Bwahahahaha! Suck it, Tampa Bay fans! Suck it hard! I'm fed up with people going on and on about the Oakland Raiders and how bad they are. Got news for you, people: Six weeks into the season and Oakland's 2-4. Tampa's sharing the booby prize of 0-6 with Tennessee and the St. Louis Rams. If Oakland beats the Jets this weekend (not beyond the realm of possibility) that'll be two wins in a row. Meanwhile, Tampa's going to Olde London Towne to collect an ass-whipping from the Patriots, who are coming off a 59-0 gang rape of the Titans.

This has been M2C News. Good day.

Behind the Scenes at a Big Financial Institution

USA! USA! USA!

The United States national soccer team has been going through the long series of matches that are required to get qualified to attend the 2010 FIFA World Cup, held this year in South Africa.

Last night, the side traveled to Honduras to play their national team. No mean feat, as no side has ever won in Honduras during World Cup qualifying. But the US side felt a bit confident, as it had beaten the Honduran side before - just not in Honduras.

So last night, in a knuckle-biter of a match, Team USA succeeded where it hadn't before, and where other teams had failed in the past.

It beat Team Catracho 3-2, thus qualifying for the sixth time in a row (ninth overall).

So we're in!

USA!

USA!

USA!

Obama's Speech to the HRC - Shorter Version

President Obama attended the annual Human Rights Campaign dinner in Washington DC last night and made quite a good speech. No great surprise there, as he is known for his rhetoric. However, he could have reached back to a far more adept Bard and said the following:

"Hath not a Gay eyes? hath not a Gay hands, organs,
dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with
the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject
to the same diseases, healed by the same means,
warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as
a Straight is? If you prick us, do we not bleed?
if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison
us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not
revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will
resemble you in that."

(With many apologies to the Shade of Old Will.)

A Team Effort

With all the flap that has gone on accompanying the news of President Obama winning the Nobel Prize for Peace, something important is sometimes overlooked.

(And for the record I thought that the Norwegians were premature in their award. But, c'est la vie.)

President Obama was given this award - and make no mistake, it is an honor for America, not just him - for signaling a sea change in US foreign policy after eight years of unilateralist cowboy diplomacy that only served to make the USA and the world less safe. It's an ongoing process, with a long way to go.

And it's a team effort. Not just for the State Department and its professional diplomats, but for nations that share our values and aspirations and wish to be peacemakers.

Case in point, the treaty that was signed in Zurich today.

Didn't know about that?

Allow me to explain.

The Republics of Turkey and Armenia have been at loggerheads for nearly a century over the genocidal policy of the Ottoman Empire during the First World War that killed about a million Armenians, and the government in Yerevan is still honked off about Ankara's treatment of its Armenian minority. That being said, the two sides have struggled to come to some understanding that would open diplomatic relations.

Enter The Team.

The agreement signed today in Zurich was the product of diplomacy by experts from Russia, France, the European Union, Switzerland and the United States, and culminated in a brisk round of shuttle diplomacy by Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. While the agreement isn't perfect (there are still sticking points, such as Armenian troops in the Nagorno-Karabakh region), the treaty represents a milestone in relations between Turkey and Armenia.

Not everyone is happy about it, of course, particularly among those descendants of the people who got out of Turkish Armenia over 90 years ago.

But congratulations all around anyway, for taking this important first step. It was a team effort, and is what the Norwegian Nobel Committee had in mind when they gave their award to Obama.

Deployment

(Photo by Mrs. Abby Bennethum. Her daughter Paige didn't want to let go of her father's hand as he was being deployed overseas.)

Where have all the young men gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young men gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young men gone?
Gone for soldiers every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

How long, O Lord? How long?

Full Penetration Porn!

Minor Rant

I was listening to the radio this morning, specifically to my favorite morning show, when I heard a couple of the idiots running the show declaim their contempt for NASA's current Moon project.

The LCROSS (Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite) was designed to take pictures and measurements of the Moon, then sacrifice itself by a) deliberately plowing an empty booster into a crater on the Lunar South Pole, while b) the actual satellite would follow it in, taking measurements and pictures. The point of the exercise was to cause a massive ejecta plume that could be measured to detect the presence of water ice.

Apart from deriding the US space program, these yahoos objected to the $79 million price tag.

And that made me see a little red.

For starters, I'm a firm believer in pure research for its own sake, and believe that had it not been for the space program I would not have a computer sitting on my desk, among a lot of other things.

Second, I'm an American. I like watching shit get blown up. Remember the Deep Impact probe?

And then there's the price tag. $79 million looks like a lot of money (and it is).

But match that against the $688 Billion price tag in the current defense authorization bill (the one that's causing conservatives to foam at the mouth because it has the Matthew Shepard Act embedded within it).

The cost of maintaining an army in the field in a country that we had no right to invade and occupy in the first place, as well as an army in the field in a country that is fast living up to its nickname "the graveyard of empires," is pretty steep.

What could you do with that amount of moolah?

You could explore the Moon - hell, you could colonize the Moon.

You could cure cancer - hell, you could cure AIDS.

You could educate every child in the USA and feed them as well.

You might even be able to afford Rush Limbaugh's drug bill.

To the radio jocks who apparently think that we should stop our space program, I say that as you giggle about the cost and how stupid NASA is, you shouldn't do it while fiddling with your digital broadcasting equipment and kvetching about what's on your iPod.

Everywhere Around the Right

They're Hating On America.

Sing it to the tune of Neil Simon's They're Coming to America and you'll get it.

Last week, the city of Chicago was in contention to host the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. Hosting the Games has some economic benefits in terms of infrastructure improvements, something that almost any major US city would like to have.

So Chicago pulled out all the stops, and sent a raft of celebrities to Copenhagen to convince the International Olympic Committee to back them up over the other contenders (Madrid, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro).

Even President Obama showed up to make a pitch.

As you all know, Chicago lost, so I'll keep the suspense to a minimum.

One of the reasons cited for the refusal was the fact that the US has very strict vacation and travel visa restrictions in place since 9/11, and that causes problems for people wanting to come to America for the Games.

Now, the news that America lost the Olympic Games was met with a tidal surge of semen as the entire Lunatic Right ejaculated at once. At last! Obama failed at something! His Administration is over! Hooray and Huzzah!

Well, my friends on the Right, the term ain't a quarter over, so you can shut up about that. And Chicago's loss of the Games is also Americas loss.

America lost, and the Right celebrates.

Hey, assholes of the Christian Taliban Right!

America, Love It - Or Leave It!

Animal Antics

A 74-year old woman was attacked at her home in Lakeland, Florida yesterday.

Not by a street gang, or some rapist, or even by a common thug.

Nope.

She was attacked by raccoons.

Presumably it was a mother and her four kits, and they attacked either because the woman (who is in the hospital in stable condition) surprised them or she got between them and their dinner.

So animal control's looking for Ma Barker and her kids, under the assumption that the whole group was rabid.

At least they didn't come up to her doing this: