The Welfare Dad and Ol' Crazy Eyes

Watching the Republican field of candidates assembling and congealing is a bit like watching a train wreck in very slow motion. You can really catch the small details and fiddly bits that you might not see under ordinary circumstances.

Right now, the latest ones playing stupid-coy with the fans and the various wings of the Party (they're all right wings, so the bird doesn't soar like an eagle - it flops around, more or less, and won't get airborne to save its life) are Rick Perry of Texas and Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann of Minnesota.

Why are all the really stupid Republican governors named Rick? We have Rick "Fuck the Unions" Walker up in Wisconsin, Rick "Fuck the Teachers" Scott in Florida, and here's Rick "Fuck the USA" Perry.

Why does Rick Perry hate the United States of America? Well, back during the summer of 2009 Perry started playing footsie with those people in his state who think it'd be a wonderful idea to secede from the Union. This was surprising, for a number of reasons:

1. History teaches us that the last time a state seceded, it was a really bad time for said state.

2. Texas is one of those states that take in more revenue courtesy of the Federal government than they pay into Federal coffers in taxes. Secession, although popular with a certain segment of the Republicans in Texas, would be economic suicide.

However, it was politically popular for The Hair Boy, and enabled him to verbally lambaste "The Washington Liberals" while at the same time hiding the fact that the so-called 'Texas Miracle' was so much smoke, mirrors and the stink of cooked books. Texas has a budget deficit variously estimated but could be as high as $26 Billion dollars (think California with stupider people).

Perry is mumbling about how God might be "calling" him to run. I say he needs to up the dosage on his hair gel, and try to scotch those prevalent rumors that he's actually queer as a three dollar bill.

***

Back during the 1980 campaign, comedians remarked on the glassy, adoring gaze Nancy Reagan always seemed to be throwing at Ronnie. That has become a standard Republican look for women, but Bachmann take it to a whole new level.

It's been said that insanity can be caught from eye contact with crazy people. That's wrong, of course, but if you look too long at Michelle's eyes you start to feel that there might be a point to that old canard.

She's talking a big noise about God wanting her to run, which is odd - most of the candidates are assuming that the Big Guy wants them to run, when I'm sure the Big Guy would rather sit back and watch Vancouver win the Stanley Cup. However, she seems to be trying to emulate Sarah Palin.

Case in point: She was due to address the Polk County, Iowa GOP at their annual dinner. She didn't show up, apart from a badly done internet video. Most people in the hall were disappointed, a bunch left, and one guy called it a "disaster."

He's right. Michelle's a freaking disaster. She's so ignorant of history and the US Constitution that she's avoided challenges from a high school sophomore and a history professor rather than unveil the full scope and depth of her stupidity.

But the Republicans deserve them both.

And the train wreck continues.

Things that Make My Brain Hurt on a Monday

There are times when I just want to yell that, very loudly.

Over at Crooks and Liars, there is a video clip of Sarah Palin holding forth to Jean Pirro on that woman's Fox 'News' show. As usual, Miss Clueless 2008 was holding forth about President Obama and here's what happened:



Hear that? Palin considers Obama to be our "temporary leader."

I wonder if the Half-Term Governor realized as she said this that ALL Presidents of the United States are temporary. It's a temp job that a person holds for a maximum of eight years (longer if you're Franklin Roosevelt).

I'm certain, though, that Obama won't just up and quit before his term's out ... like a certain female Governor of Alaska did.

Palin's said that she had the "fire in her belly" about running for President. My advice is to take some Prilosec and concentrate instead on how pissed off her daughter will be to find Mama Grizzly moving into the same state she lives in. Yeah, that's right, Sarah's considering moving to Arizona - until she discovers it's got a lot of non-white people who'll make her uncomfortable (just like it did when she attended (briefly) the University of Hawaii).

She's now an attention whore, pulling in scads of moolah from her book sales, speaking fees and her show on Fox, where even Roger Ailes considers her stupid.

If she runs, she could conceivably get nominated.

Consolidated Morons, Dimwits and Fools

In other words, the Republican Party Presidential Candidates, Class of 2012.

If you put all of them together in one place at the same time, the combined weight of stupidity would cause them all to collapse in on themselves, compressing into a tiny cretinous singularity.

Newt Gingrich is probably wishing he stayed in bed rather than declare himself a candidate. On Bullshit the Press he opened his gaping piehole and said that he didn't support the Paul Ryan 'Path to Poverty' that would have gutted Medicare and replaced it with a voucher program that would not pay enough to cover medical costs. This would have the attractive benefit of slowly exterminating the same senior citizens who propelled Ryan and the Teabaggers into a House majority.

Fortunately people are waking up to it, and the yelling has started.

Gingrich has backpedaled, "folding like a cheap Democrat" as one lefty blogger remarked, and has vociferously denied he ever said that - to the point that he actually declared that if anyone quotes anything he said at that BStP airing is guilty of 'falsehood.' He also attacked the show's moderator, Dick Gregory, saying that he - poor, innocent babe-in-the-political-woods Newtie - was unprepared for Gregory's 'gotcha' questions.

Another person who inveighed against 'gotcha' questions, Sarah Palin, jumped to Newt's defense. She stated that Gregory was racist, apparently for repeating Gingrich's stupid assertion that Obama was a 'food stamp President.' The half-term Governor needs to feel as if she's still relevant, I guess.

Newt thought that his time had come, but sadly no. He's trying to run a 1994 campaign for 2012, and the Tea Party - who have seized the throat of the GOP and are worrying it like a terrier with a sock puppet - are not kind to heretics. Donors are fleeing Gingrich in a big way, so I don't give him much longer.

Former Senator Frothy Mixture Santorum had the gall to say that Senator Angry John McCain has no idea of what torture is. McCain, who was tortured for five years as a guest of the North Vietnamese government, let his aides handle his light work. One referred to Santorum as an idiot, I think - it might be a bit outre to refer him as a 'shit stain.'

Donald Trump is out as a candidate, which is a good thing. He had less gravitas than Ross Perot, but better hair.

The GOP is almost desperately casting about for a viable candidate, and some pundits think it could come down to Tim Pawlenty and Mitch Daniels. I've already discussed Pawlenty, and dismissed him as colorless (but he does seem to hire well - a number of his aides have criminal records), and all Daniels has going for him is he was GW Bush's budget director. You know, the guy who turned a $5 trillion surplus into a $5 trillion deficit in record time.

So things ought to be fun - at least, fun to watch.

Huckabee's Out. Republicans Decree Day of Mourning.

Reverend-Governor Michael Huckabee announced last night that after examining all of the factors involved in running for President, he has decided that he will not run.

The factors naturally included the financial cost to the Reverend-Governor (his book sales, his gig with the GOP's propaganda arm, and the cost of building a vast McMansion down in Florida) but I'm sure that part of it was a frantic phone call from Rupert Murdoch, who probably begged Huckabee to not follow Rick Frothy Mixture out onto the hustings.

So why do I have the "Oy." poster up?

Because the Republican Party has lost the person who - so far - had headlined the GOP field for the Iowa caucuses. Which has the benefit of throwing the field into even greater disarray. Some analysts think that the greatest beneficiary - at least in Ioway, down where the tall corn grows - may be Michelle Bachmann (at least until she loses against a high school sophomore from New Jersey).

So the free for all will commence as the huge group of mental midgets, moral degenerates, empty suits, and complete lunatics known as "The Republican Presidential candidates" start vying for the votes of the Taliban Wing of the Party.

And as the vitriol begins to spew, and the name-calling and negativity increase, the Party's Establishment (such as it is) will simply put palm to face.

And say "Oy."

Which leads me to another "Oy" Moment for the GOP.

Wrinkled Libtard Ron Paul (R-TX) declared his candidacy for the Presidency (for the third time) and promptly shoved both feet in his mouth. Since it's the season for declarations, he declared that he would NOT have voted for the 1964 Civil Rights Act, because he feels that it imposed restrictions on businesses.

He said in the same speech that he wouldn't have voted against the Jim Crow laws, either.

This is a sterling opportunity, dear readers, to see a completely unhinged Randite Libertarian running at full throttle. Paul thinks this is 'his time,' while I think it's time for him to be committed to an asylum.

Bill Maher Explains Things

We're Number One!

And David Morris explains how.

It's actually a bit of a downer, so be warned.

Egad! PORN Found in bin Laden's Abbottabad Lair?!

According to this report, a stash of pornographic materials was found in the house where Osama bin Laden was hiding. There's no report either way on whether it was his own or belonged to one of the people living in the house with him (although we do know he took a local type of herbal Viagra).

I don't find this surprising at all, since according to this report Pakistan is #1 in the world in porno searches, with things like zooerasty and even pederasty predominating.

The more you know ...

Pity the Republicans

Yes, I wrote that.

After the unveiling of the Paul Ryan Budget that would essentially eviscerate Medicare and Social Security, once and for all labeling the GOP as the Party that Broke the Social Contract, the House GOPers went traipsing off to their constituencies to crow about their accomplishment.

Much to their surprise, their appearance was greeted with all the cheer of the arrival of the tax man.

It seems that the old fogies in the Tea Party who spearheaded the 2010 campaign from the security of their government-funded scooters don't like the idea of the Evil Gummint messing about with Medicare. Several House Republicans cut their appearances short or ran away from the topic like whipped curs. In Alan West (R-South Florida Fucking Crazy)'s district a local radio reporter was actually arrested for asking this asshole a question. But we have to remind ourselves that West is known for war atrocities and has the Outlaws motorcycle gang as allies, so his behavior isn't all that amazing.

In any event, the Left blogosphere and the Democrats have wasted little time in hanging this albatross around the Elephant's neck. Good for them, I say.

But this isn't all we have to pity the Republicans for.

Mittens Romney held forth about his Massachusetts health care plan, saying basically that we should all just forget that it's very much like the Affordable Care Act (even down to the individual mandate, that Mittens now says is unconstitutional). All of the right-wing media have been piling on poor Willard the past few days about this - it appears that the usual level of rank hypocrisy has been exceeded by Romney.

And hey! Hey! Romney's Massachusetts plan also provides for abortions! The ACA doesn't (because of the Hyde Amendment, of course). That's another thing to bash him over the head with. So much, then, for Romney becoming the nation's first Mormon President, at least at this stage of the game.

Newton Gingrich tossed his semen-smeared hat into the ring this week. He said that if he didn't run in 2012 he'd be a "fraud" - hoping we'll all forget, I guess, that it was ethics violations that got him run out of his Speakership like a poison mushroom. Newt, you're supposed to know history. The last Speaker to become President was James K. Polk, who was so colorless his opponents used to chant "Who is James K. Polk?"

And just today Ron Paul decided to have another go at it. I think his first task ought to be to shut his son's mouth and sew it closed. Rand equated the ACA with slavery the other day, for which he earned a swift punch in the mouth (he hasn't gotten it yet, however). Ron, I find it hard to believe that this uncouth little "self-certified" spawn could have erupted from your loins.

To add insult to injury, Herman Cain, the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, 'won' the self-congratulatory circle jerk that was the GOP candidates' debate. Put on by the propaganda wing of the Party (Fox 'News'), it featured absolutely none of the purported Party A list: Palin, Gingrich, Romney, Huckabee, et. al. stayed away. Instead we were treated to the ad lib stylings of Tim Pawlenty, a man so colorless he makes white look dingy. We also got a look at Rick Santorum, who had the eponymous frothy mixture of lubricant and fecal matter oozing from his mouth every time he opened it.

So feel a tiny, just the tiniest, soupcon of pity the next time you see a Republican holding forth about their chances in 2012.

At this point in time, I really just don't see it.

Florida Legislative Cage Match, 2011

Yep, it's over.

For now.

The stampede of stupidity known as the Florida State Legislative Session went a bit over as the House and Senate quibbled over another set of fine points in the proposed $69.3 Billion state budget. But they finally managed to settle, and it was hugs and tongue kisses all around as the apres-session orgy commenced.

Lost among the blizzard of money shots and discarded condoms were the awful facts:

1. Florida lost more jobs, among state employees.

2. Florida lost revenue sources, gouged out as the Republican-dominated houses chose to cut education to the bone while unbalancing the equation further by granting tax cuts.

3. Unions lost.

4. Education lost. Big time.

5. The environment in Florida lost.

But hey, look on the bright side! Bestiality is finally (Finally!) against the law in Florida, as are baggy pants that hang below your buttocks.

Granted, there were a few things that didn't happen. (P)Rick Scott failed to get his way on castrating the state Supreme Court, and also failed to cripple the stopgap Citizens Property Insurance, which for many is the only insurance you can get if you live where hurricanes go for the summer.

Governor Soulless should be happy, as are the many corporations who hold IOUs from him.

Are we happy? Are We The People of Florida happy?

Well, the Tea Party are happy, but ignorance is bliss.

The rest of us ... not so much.

On Releasing the Pictures

The Internet has turned many people into complete voyeurs.

There are those of us (myself included) who have "Two Girls, One Cup," "One Man, One Jar," and "Bathtub Girl" - to say nothing of the craziness that is Rotten.com and Ogrish.com - seared into our unconscious, never to be wholly expunged.

President Obama's decision to bar the release of the video and pictures of Osama bin Laden's death was, in my opinion, the correct one. It was correct for the following reasons:

1. We're already vilified as a pack of heartless ghouls who torture, humiliate and slaughter indiscriminately. We don't need to gloat like that.

2. The pictures, even sanitized, will only inflame those people who want to make Osama a martyr. These people are easily inflamed - just burn a Koran and see if you don't believe me.

3. Idiots in this country will immediately screech that the pictures and video are forgeries, part of a Mammoth Conspiracy that covers both political parties, all political persuasions, and extends all the way back to President Obama's conception by time-tripping Commie space aliens. Remember that we still have cretins loudly proclaiming that we didn't land on the Moon and that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago - there's no amount of proof that will pierce the defensive shield that is their private delusion pattern.

My two cents on the matter.

Osama bin Missin is Osama bin Deaded!

YAHOO!

At about 11.35 PM Eastern Time last night, stealthy American special forces troops descended on a compound north of Islamabad in Pakistan. A firefight ensued, and a man was killed.

That man was Osama bin Ladin, a Saudi who was the founder and leader of al Qaeda. The leader of the terrorist group that bombed the World Trade Center, that bombed the embassies at Nairobi and Dar Es Salaam, that crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon ...

Is Dead! Dead! Dead!

We have his body, and the ID is firm.

The mission is accomplished.

My thanks go out to the Special Forces, to the military and the intelligence community, to the Pakistanis, and to President Obama.